What Do I Do?

My first poem! I know it's not that great, but I think it's the best of my poems. Yeah, they aren't very good either. And just so you know, I am not pregnant.
I can't see the future, but I'd do anything for just a glimpse.
Am I doing the right thing?
It sure doesn't feel like it.
But, then again, nothing does anymore.
I can feel it, even though, I guess I'm not supposed to.
And I already love it.
I can't take care of it,
But I sure as Hell can't kill it.
I feel like puking for even considering it,
Or that could be morning sickness . . .
He said he loved me,
That he would take care of me,
That I didn't have to worry about a thing.
Where is he now that I need him?
I know there's another option,
But giving up this baby would be like ripping out my very existence.
What will my parents say? What will they think?
Will they help me take care of it?
No.
No, Daddy's Little Girl isn't supposed to get into situations like this,
Isn't supposed to be having a little one of her own.
It will just be me and the baby,
Me and the baby.
What do I do?

Outofthebox,
I will review your poem today. I'm a little bad at reviewing, especially a poem as well written as yours. First,good work. I really enjoyed reading this. It had a nice flow to it. It also has a very realistic atmosphere to it, and I think that's what makes it such an enjoyable read. I can't really think of anything bad to say about it, so, NICE JOB!

i loved the way you arranged the words, ok maybe not that, well i dont know... all that i know is that i really liked it its better then mine (well what i think of mine) sorry im bad at reveiwing and i hate it if i sound kinda dumb, but i truthfully loved it

This poem was written very well for a first poem.It shows that you have got the required talent for poetry.

However, you must try to improvise on the flow of the poem.Lines in this poem are broken.If possible,try to structure and organize it well.That would improve the presentation.Otherwise,it looks like first thoughts put roughly.

Here is where the poem really shines:

The narrator's feelings on being betrayed.

Conflict in the narrator's mind to give up the baby or not.

The ultimate confusion towards the end.

All the best.

Hello, I’m Roon! Okay, this was nicely written, but there are a couple of things I would change. I think that maybe this could be broken up into stanzas, because it’s quite daunting for the reader when they see a huge block of text. Also:

I feel like puking for even considering it,

I don’t like the use of the word puking here, for a start it’s quite informal, and also it doesn’t fit the poem, it actually drew me away from the poems sentiments of confusion.

That’s about it for nitpicks I think! I like you poem, I like your use of rhetorical questions to involve the reader. Anyone would hate to be in this situation, so you have a good subject. I think though that maybe it didn’t invoke as much emotion as it could have, but I still think it was very good, and well written, thank you for letting us see this!

~ Roon

Hey Out of the box! Welcome to YWS!

Nice job for a first poem! There's definitely room for improvement, but nice job starting off.

To begin, I have to say, it didn't read much like a poem to me. That's not totally a bad thing, but it sounded more like a confused/insecure girl questioning her situation.

I'd recommend reading some other poetry! Take a look at some poets (any ones; Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson) and pay attention to how they word their poems. Don't copy their style exactly, but build from there, dear, and create your own style.

I think it would be better if you approached this a bit more subtly, dear. Here, you're practically throwing the situation at us, when you should gradually give us the information piece by piece! Try writing this without jumping straight into it right away, dear, and instead try to give us a description of these feelings.

If you've got any questions, PM me.

June

He Outofthebox! I like your poem, but there are a few things that bother me about it:
No. 1: The flow at the beginning isn't very good. I'm not too sure how to fix this, but maybe you should try to shorten the sentences a little more. the rest of the poem is good though, because the sentences are in fragments. This makes me think that she isn't thinking straight, and is torn between what she wants to do. This is what the words tell me, too.

No. 2: You capitalized Hell... 'hell' isn't a place, in this situation, is it? I think nowadays, even though you still use it in the same situations as they did quite a few years back, it's not referring to hell as a place. Anyways, I think you should get rid of it because it's a poem, and you don't normally have capitals, or punctuation in a poem. However, in this poem, the punctuation fits. Unless you want to put a line break every time you have a comma, then you should keep the commas.

One more suggestion: I think that you should change it to:
Where is he now,
that I need him?

But other than those very few nitpicks, I liked it. Especially how you didn't have it follow the conventional lines of poetry, because that's what poetry is; anything and everything. For example:

green apples,
falling from the trees,
summer is here.

is a poem (It was the first thing I could think of.) Albeit, it isn't a very good poem, but poetry can be anything! So don't let that limit what you write!