Vegan Vamp

For Amon360's Vampire contest.

---

Vegan Vamp

Hi. The name's Joe. I'm nineteen, vegan, and a vampire. At this point, you're probably asking yourself, "How can a vampire be vegan? They're bloodsucking murderers!" It's a good question, really, one I ask myself often.

The fact of the matter is, I never wanted to be a vampire. This one hot chick at Jalyssa's shitty end-of-summer party made that decision for me. She had every intention of sucking me dry, but apparently vegans taste bad; not enough meaty substance in our blood or somesuch. At least, that's what she told me right after she spat me out. I haven't seen her since.

If I ever do see her again, the first thing I'll do is take a toothbrush to her plaque-infested fangs and mercilessly slaughter every single bacterium I can get my bristles on. Listerine washes are also a must. Seriously though, if you're gonna bite someone, the least you can do is make sure your mouth is nice and clean and not a breeding ground for the next outbreak of plague. My neck's been itching like crazy since that party, and I think the bite's infected.

Anyway. Veganism. How does that figure into the whole vampire thing? Simply put, it doesn't. All the effective blood substitutes are animal-derived. It doesn't help matters that, being a vampire who doesn't drink blood, I'm all pale and sickly-looking. My mom's on my back all the time now, I mean, even more than she used to be, about the whole veganism thing. "I told you veganism was unhealthy," she goes. "We need to get some meat in you."

Uh, mom? Aside from the fact that the whole meat industry is a gross and inhumane exploitation of defenseless animals, there's also the matter of my not being able to digest meat anymore. I can't digest much of anything, really, aside from blood. So yeah, no meat for me. Not that I can ever actually tell you this seeing as how you'd freak about me being a vampire and thus damned for all eternity. The shame! The anguish! The forcible redemption! I think I'll pass, thank you.

So yeah, I'm telling ya, being a vampire sucks. Badly. And I don't mean in the literal sense. But you probably figured that out already.

I'll stop rambling now.

This made me laugh. Joe's narration is funny, and entertaining to read. Don't think I could read a whole book with that kind of voice, but it was still good for a one-shot.

It's an amusing, smart concept. I never would have thought of how a vegan vampire would feel, so this little narrative made me think a bit (which is a good thing).

My problem with this is that it seems more like the beginning to something bigger rather than a short and sweet contest entry. The only thing I can think of why that would be is perhaps the part where he mentions the "damned for all eternity". It almost makes me think: "Well? Is he? And is this story going to be about his struggle between staying alive and his belief in veganism?"

If this is just a small piece by itself, you don't want to leave readers with too many questions like that. Since this is just Joe telling us about his life, don't accidentally make an allusion to a plot.
However, this is mostly just me finding something to complain about.

Good luck in the contest.


Meg

Wow, it really gave an interesting take on vampires, and it was funny.
You are very descriptive when you explain things. Wow is all I can say. I really liked it
It seemed like you had fun with it as well.
Also, the idea of a Vegan Vamp was very creative, i see that your imagination is AWESOME. i don't think even i could think of that.
it was all around a really great short story.
heck, i'd read it if you made it into a book.
It took my interest by the first few sentences.
it left me wondering though, will he ever see that girl again who turned him into a vamp. That's what I'm wondering.
but yeah, it was awesome!
-Dominique

Hey Kyllorac, I was thinking about entering the contest and wanted to sum up the competition. No, I'm joking. I was trying to think of a way to write about your non-typical vampire. You did a great job and came up with an awesome idea. I liked how your MC was the one narrating... i forget, is that the third person or the first person... I get all those terms confused. Anyways, it was short and sweet and left you slightly wondering at the end. I think though that was a good thing. Over all it was well written.
~Dakota

Thanks everyone. I'm glad you all enjoyed it.

My problem with this is that it seems more like the beginning to something bigger rather than a short and sweet contest entry.

That's because it is. I've had this idea bouncing around my head for a while, and the vampire contest gave me an excuse to play with it a bit. I'm thinking after I finish my current projects, I'll tackle Joe's story more in-depth, though even then, he won't be the main character.

It seemed like you had fun with it as well.

I did. X3

i forget, is that the third person or the first person...

First person. An easy way to remember is that the first person people (usually) look out for is themselves.

Hey I'm Amon and I'm here to review your piece before I announce the winners. First I would like to compliment you on your voice. The characters voice is very real and obviously has a personality. Secondly I believe the idea is quite unique as well. That being said...

This story has no real plot, it's just your character talking. Which is nice and I see major potential in the story. It's funny and takes the idea of vampires in a different direction.

Like I said It was really well written but I would have liked to see more of this character in a developed plot.