Hi everyone. I'm currently writing a novella and I've been having some trouble on how to put a setting/character in my story to make it sound more like a book. For example, here is a short part of my story, "He wore a red polo shirt and blue jeans. It was a bright, windy day." I might be just making up this problem in my own head but does anyone think that there is a better way that I could have written that part in my story, I mean to me it sounds too plain. Basically what I need help with is to not make my story so plain and starightforward. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks
Not to sound mean, but your descriptions are a problem. They are plain and in need of some spicing up. Ways to do that:
~ Don't be a journalist! You don't need to report all the details in list format as you're doing now. Most of the time, you don't need those details to paint a picture. On top of that, a lot of details can turn into a big chunk which pushes readers away. Just pick some details to write out and stick with them; don't feel the need to describe everything around the character.
~ Avoid useless descriptions: In a story, there should be no extra description. Every little detail should tell us something other than the setting, what the character is wearing, whatever. It should show the character's personality, give us an emotion, or hint at something more to come. Check out this article for more tips.
~ A thesaurus is your friend: Often, words like "red," "walked" and "building" can be replaced so they give a better picture. Colours like "red" can be replaced with different words depending on the situation. "Crimson" has a more sinister feel while "cherry" has a happier tone. "Walked" can be replaced with "strolled," "rushed," and other verbs to give mood. A "building" can be a "skyscraper" or "a Victorian row-house" depending on the setting. (Note- The above technique can be overdone. Make sure you keep to words that are commonly known or have meanings that are easy to guess)
~ Show description: Sometimes, you need to "show" a description in order for it to really do well. Instead of saying "The wind blew strongly" you can say, "I turned my body so I was cutting sideways into the wind. My hair blew into my face, and I struggled to get it back behind my ear." In the second example, we are never told the wind was blowing strongly. It's implied that it is, because the MC is having to fight it. (Note- Do not go overboard with this. Too much showing can turn into purple prose. Keep your vocabulary simple and don't describe something just for the sake of describing it. Only show a description if you feel it would be too flat as telling)
Use figurative language: Using metaphor, simile and a whole host of other forms of figurative language can really richen prose. Instead of just saying "He smiled" you can say "he smiled like a child who'd just acomplished something." The second example is much richer.
I hope this helps you! Feel free to ask any questions if this isn't clear.
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo
Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.
Rosey gave some great advice listen to her. On top of that I suggest you find a picture of you're character. If you have artistic skills, draw the picture. If not google search an actor that you think fits. If not that go to photo bucket and type in a few traits, like black haired girl or whatever youre looking for.
Once you have the picture. Study it and have it out while you're writing. That way you can add subtle descriptions that are unique.
This is one little planet in one tiny solar system in a galaxy that’s barely out of its diapers. I’m old, Dean. Very old. So I invite you to contemplate how insignificant I find you.
