I Am Poem from Grade 10

My creative writing teacher made me write this, so grudgingly I did. The surprising part is that I actually liked how it turned out.


I Am

I am an old soul with great ambitions

I wonder what will come of me after highschool
I hear the tapping if an impatient foot
I see my name printed in the New England Journal of Medicine
I want less stress

I am an old soul with great ambitons

I pretend to be a carefree child
I feel the worry lines begining on my forehead
I touch the ground and take in it's warmth
I worry over unnecessary things
I cry over other's broken hearts

I am an old soul with great ambitions

I understand little of myself
I say listen to John Lennon and let it be
I dream of seeing Iceland and Australia and everywhere in between
I try to live up to expectations but still keep true to myself
I hope those expectations don't burry me alive

I am an old soul with great ambitions

Hey. Great Poem Doyle! I did an assignment just like this about three years ago - right at the beginning of fifth grade. I like your analogies, your comparisons, your grammar is good - It's almost perfect, but one thing that really bugged me was the flow of language in your Poem. It didn't seem catchy, cool pretty.
I can't rewrite your poem for you - that's your job, after all, but I do have a few tips.

1. Reordering Words.

For example :

I want less stress
Can be swapped for:
Less, I want stress.

That sounds nicer already, doesn't it?

2. Always Keep A Thesaurus Handy.

You have to be careful with this one - you don't want to abuse your thesaurus - make sure big words are always being used in the right context. But you can trade a plain word like 'broken' and replace it with 'shattered'.


Other than that, great poem. Best of luck to you in your writing. See you on the back-up site this week!