Why is this happening to me?

Why is this happening to me?
Did I do something wrong
But I just want to be free
Oh no, you are my world
But you made my heart cry
Why did you do that to me?
Now there are so many tears in my eye

You know I love you
Oh, you know I do
But I didn’t expect
This from you

Why is this happening to me?
Did I do something wrong
But I just want to be free
Oh no, you are my world
But you made my heart cry
Why did you do that to me?
Now there are so many tears in my eye

Well was it right on your part?
I don’t think so
Then why did you rip my heart
Little by little, so slow

Why is this happening to me?
Did I do something wrong
But I just want to be free
Oh no, you are my world
But you made my heart cry
Why did you do that to me?
Now there are so many tears in my eye

I don’t love you anymore
But still I feel like I do
Maybe I have a feeling
That you love me too

Why is this happening to me?
Did I do something wrong
But I just want to be free
Oh no, you are my world
But you made my heart cry
Why did you do that to me?
Now there are so many tears in my eye

By: Anshita

Hey Anshita –

I saw this had no reviews yet, so I decided to look at it.

So, it starts out with the chorus part, doesn't it? The whole spine of the song is B part, A part, B, A, B, A, and B. Sometimes it's fine, but since your chorus stays the same the whole time, I think you could add a stanza or two in between the choruses, just to avoid too much repetition and keep the listeners' interest. And how about a C part? That would bring some variety to it, too. I think you should at least consider it.

Did I to something wrong

Do, right? Not to.

Now there are so many tears in my eye

It would really sound better if it were "eyes", because that's more correct anyway. But, you probably did that for the rhyme, no? The thing is, if something sounds wrong or off, you should never put it in just because of the rhyme, because that is very transparent and people will immediately notice that.

It's actually really hard to review a song without the music. I think this was alright, although you probably know yourself that the subject isn't the most unique. However, your rhyming worked pretty well throughout the song, though you don't always need to take the safest ways – you can be daring sometimes =D

Just keep writing!


Demeer
xxx

Hey Anshita

I liked this song. Out of all the ones of yours I've read, I think this one is one of my favorites and one of your best.
I liked the emotion of it. I thought it all flowed really well. None of it was too rhymey-rhymey.
The only thing is maybe make the stanzas a little longer. You have this long chorus that you repeat a lot and short stanzas in between so the chorus is really overpowering. I think the four lines are good for the stanzas but maybe have two before you hit the chorus. Did that make sense?
Like:
I'm a tree
I have leaves
Squirrels play
on my branches

Birds make nests
and children climb
the sun shines
and makes me grow

Chorus

Haha, I just made that up right now.

But yeah, I liked this song.

-Carly

I really like what you have to say. I think you should add more inbetween chorus it sounds like it is repeating itself just a little too much.

"Did I do something wrong"


There should also be a question mark after that. There are also a few other places that should have question marks.

Besides that i think it is vey well done.

Alright, so, this was alright. (<--Ha.)
I'm assuming that it is intentional to say "tears in my eye". However, I found this just a little awkward. I get that it rhymes and whatnot, but I still feel like "eyes" would flow better. That might just be me, though, but I'd prefer "eyes". If it must rhyme, you could always change the line twice prior (Twice prior? Does that even make sense? The third to last line in the chorus) to something like "So much, my heart cries" or something with "cries" so that it still rhymes.

That's just a small thing, so, anyway...
Your chorus is very bulky. I don't mean that offensively. That can be quite a good thing in certain instances.
However, in this case, it seems rather overpowering. You have four choruses with seven lines each and three verses with four lines each. That's a bit unbalanced, no?
Unless you intend to musically alter each of the choruses, which I really wouldn't know, I'd suggest either a) taking out the beginning chorus b) shortening the chorus and, if you feel so inclined, you can put some of the lines from the chorus into an additional verse, or c) make the verses longer, more numerous, etc.

I couldn't personally match a tune to the words, although that's probably just me (and the fact that I'm listening to music right now), an easily conveyable tune is always good. It's amazing when you can just hear the tune to a song just by the lyrics. But that's very rare.

So, anyway, this was a good piece that could really stand for some improvements.
Keep working at it and keep writing!

-Jocelyn.