Lila's troope of misfits

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Mena could hear the footsteps tapping their way to her door. They were like the clicks of a clock or the beating of a heart; mundane but a reminder that it all must come to an end...sometime. She knew that these steps were not just a friendly visit. They brought bad news.
Lila was on her deathbed. The woman who had cared for a ragtag bunch of teenagers orphaned by a plague. The same plague took her life now. She wasn't supposed to go this way, at the age of 95. In the olden days, he people had lived to be hundreds of years old. But almost ten years ago, they began to age at the human rate. And it wasn't just witches, but all supernatural beings. They all began to die, to grow old. They kept all of their powers and weaknesses but not their immortality.
"Mena?" a tiny voice called from the other side of the door. Emmeline. Tentatively, she opened the door and poked her head in. Her messy mop of dirty blond hair fell over her giant blue eyes and her cheeks were stained with tear that had been smudged away. "Its time."
Time. So taken for granted, yet in the end it always comes down to time. Time spent, time for, time left. How quickly it slips away.
Mean followed Emmeline down the narrow hall towards Lila's bedroom, the room Lila had not left in over three weeks. The others would be there already. They're all stronger than I am, Mena thought. They all face it while I hide in my room trying to forget.
Emmeline stopped at the door and turned to Mena. She gripped her hand and tried to give her courage. Mena nodded and they opened the door.
Moonlight poured in through the open window. A warm breeze fought against the chill that gripped them all. Archer stood at the foot of the bed with his eyes closed. He didnt want to see Lila as weak or old in his memories. He wanted to always think of her as she was before age had stolen her away. In th corner, Alchemy sat with his head in his hands, grateful that Faelan's great shadow fell over him. Faelan himself stood at the window gazing at the moon. How could such a beautiful light shine now?
Mena left Emmeline and went to kneel atthe bedside. How could this tiny form be Lila? She was always so full of life, so powerful. Just a few years ago Lila had been a robust and lively soul, always bustling and fussing at someone. Was this withered husk Mena gazed on really her? No, Mena's heart refused to believe that. It was telling her to run, to leave that place that smelled of old age, that felt like a tomb. But just as her body started to heed her hearts advice, Lia's eyes fluttered open.




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I like the story but there are some missing letters;

In the olden days, he people had lived to be hundreds of years old.

"the people"

Her messy mop of dirty blond hair fell over her giant blue eyes and her cheeks were stained with tear that had been smudged away.

"with tears"

He didnt want to see Lila as weak or old in his memories.

"He didn't"

In th corner, Alchemy sat with his head in his hands, grateful that Faelan's great shadow fell over him.

"In the"

Mena left Emmeline and went to kneel atthe bedside.

"at the"

Other than that, great job, keep writing!

~Tayla
A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
~Albert Einstein

I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
~Anonymous

I am the author of my life. Unfortunately I'm writing in pen and I can't erase my mistakes. . .
~Anonymous




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Hi,
The story was alright, it felt like a tiny segment from a much larger story, It didn't really start or end any where, also it need more description about where and who they are not just names.

Archer stood at the foot of the bed with his eyes closed. He didnt want to see Lila as weak or old in his memories. He wanted to always think of her as she was before age had stolen her away. In th corner, Alchemy sat with his head in his hands, grateful that Faelan's great shadow fell over him. Faelan himself stood at the window gazing at the moon. How could such a beautiful light shine now?
who are Archer, Alchemy, and Faelan?

Also you missed a few letters:

advice, Lia's eyes fluttered open. 'Lila'

advice, Lia's eyes fluttered open. 'Mena'

hope this helped a little
~Zanna




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The prose switches to narration and ruins the flow, it interrupts the story for information that could be convayed by ancedotal reference by the character. I'd remove the narration bit, because it is a crutch and without it you'll be a better writer.




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Thanks guys! This is a tiny segment of something I wrote awhile ago and i do go on to explain things but it was my first posting and i was nervous.
I go to seek a Great Perhaps...



If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
— Oscar Wilde