reflection

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A depressing image stands only inches from me, a young girl around the age of fifteen or so. Her shaggy, unbrushed brunette hair falls down just past her shoulders. Her hazel, but bloodshot eyes, hold a painful story deep inside, and have a faraway, almost sad look to them. They barely stay open, and have dark purple rings underneath them.
She has faint freckles splattered across her cheeks. They look almost faded, just like the color in her face. And her cheekbones stick out just a bit too far out of her gaunt looking face.
She stands lifelessly, wearing a sagging white t-shirt that goes to her knobby knees. The only part of her legs that show, are shaking, barely holding her up, and are badly bruised.
Her too-skinny arms hang dead at her sides, and are bruised just as badly as her legs. The girl’s hands are squeezed tightly, clammy and white. Her nails are ragged from biting them constantly.
I slowly take in this image in front of me. It brings tears to my eyes to see how weak and lost she looks. I hear a rasping noise rip from her throat, maybe she’s crying too, but I can’t bring myself to look up at her face again. My heart burns for this girl and I feel the desperate need to help her.
As I reach out hesitantly to touch her hand, hoping to bring comfort to her, the silence is deafening. She reaches out to me too, yearning for someone to hold and understand her. But where our two hands should meet, is only a hard, glass wall. I let out a soft gasp and my horror-filled eyes meet hers. She is mimicking my expression, tears pouring over the rims of her eyes, and I realize that I am standing in front of a mirror.




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Hi, Lauren!

Let me begin by saying that this is sad. If it's a true story, I'd like to say that it's wonderful that you're able to write about this and share this with the world.

This isn't much of a poem, dear. I'm not sure if it's fiction or non-fiction, so for now, I'll just move it to "other"; if you could please PM me and let me know whether it's fiction or non-fic, I will gladly move it for you.

I don't have much criticism on this. Your language is clear and it flows well. Although some places here seem to wordy and as if you are forcing the story on us, you do a good job describing emotion in this, and I'd like to say good job on that.

What is the point of this piece, though? You're exposing us to this person, and you're not giving us much around this. This is a description of a character, dear, and I think that you could go places with this. If you build up a story behind the events that led to this, or narrate events that happen after this mirror-scene, you could have a solid story.

Good luck writing,

June


*Moved to Other*
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