The Sense of Danger. Part 1

Hi people!! feel free to comment tell me if i have bad grammar because I'm practising grammar.


At this quiet day you hardly hear anything. There were no people outside shops, shops are closed, curtains covering the windows and parks are locked. So quiet most of the people at this neighbourhood know whats happening except for on man named Steve he is a 21 year old man he doesn't have a mother or father they died no one knows how they died but he is looking for clues.

He starts at his neighbour, Steve doesn't really know their neighbour that much but he is confident to knock the door, *knock knock knock* the door went but no one replied, after a few minutes Steve heard something "GO AWAY!!! Can't you see there is danger?" said the weird voice. "No! I can see no danger sir." no one replied, so Steve waited and waited, but still there were no reply. as he continues to walk he heard a strange sound behind him. Steve ran until halfway of the neighbourhood he fell down. "PISS OFF YOU BLOODY STRANGER!!!!" Steve shouted angrily."don't worry i'll help you said this stranger with black jeans, with black jersey on and has brown hair. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" "No need to shout or else the neighbour hood will yell at us. Anyways there's only us three here[i]." "Us three? so whose the other person then the other person?"

to be continued.....

I haven't really finished this story yet so I'm separating them and feel free to comment.

sorry guys i got a spelling mistake it is supposed to be sense of danger not sense of sanger.

Hello there!
This is very short, so I can't do a proper review - but I can point out the mistakes:

At this quiet day you hardly hear anything.

This needs rephrasing - at the moment it doesn't make much grammatical sense. Maybe write something like: 'Nothing could be heard on this quiet day.'

curtains covering the windows and parks are locked.

This confused me. For now it looks like you're saying that the curtains covering the windows were locked as well as the parks. I understand what you're saying, but maybe separate the two details so we don't get mixed up.

So quiet most of the people at this neighbourhood know whats happening except for on man named Steve he is a 21 year old man he doesn't have a mother or father they died no one knows how they died but he is looking for clues.

This sentence is very long. Break it down a bit, and, if possible, create some suspense. This is an interesting bit, make it sound more exciting. How about: 'So quiet most of the neighbourhood know what's happening - apart from one twenty-one year old man. Steve. He doesn't have parents - yet no one knows how they died. It's up to their son to look for clues' or something like that... You know what I mean

Steve heard something "GO AWAY!!! Can't you see there is danger?" said the weird voice.

Make sure you start a new line with speech. Also, I think it would be effective enough if you just put one exclamation mark after 'Go away'.

as he continues to walk he heard a strange sound behind him

This is a new sentence. Make sure you put a capital 'A' on 'as'.

"don't worry i'll help you said this stranger

The 'D' should be capital and so should the 'i' on 'i'll'. Also, remember to put quotation marks ending the speech.

Anyways there's only us three here[i]."

I don't think that [i] should be there. You probably noticed it before but I just thought I'd point it out anyway.

Overall: You need to make sure you get the tenses right. Stick to one tense: past, or present?
Anyway, with these improvements it could a good story. Sorry if I was being harsh
Tell me when you've got more!
Keep writing