The Poet

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The Poet

Part Two



POET GANAN,

BE PREPARED IN A TENDAY




Ganan tossed the scroll into one of the braziers on the balcony and watched the embers float off to die in the sky.

He looked down to where the red haired boy had stood the night before, staring up with vivid grey eyes. A feeling of excited curiosity buzzed in his mind about the boy.

He wandered into his chambers and climbed the spiralling stairway to the dome at the very top of his home. Sunlight blasted through the pale crystal of the dome, touching everything inside with blue fire. In this highest of all chambers was a grand library, a maze of skeletal shelves spilling with the scrolls, books and codices of ages past.

He found a giant desk at the epicentre of the encircling shelves; a cushioned throne stood before it. Scrolls, quills and ink (bottled or otherwise) covered it, and a human skull on a velvet cushion was positioned at the right hand of the throne.

As soon as the poet slumped into the seat, the skull made a sound as though it was drawing a hollow breath.

“So it’s time to call them,” it said with sepulchral amusement.

When it spoke, the skull was entirely motionless. Its voice, if it could even be called a voice, was a heavy whisper edged with deep gravity. It was like a thousand winds grinding together. Inside its black eye sockets was a living darkness. The oblivion of the afterlife could be seen in that darkness; and the torment of an entity unable to obtain it.

“A tenday from now,” the poet replied, groping diligently for quill and ink.

He struggled to write. His joints were red and swollen.

“Not long to compose the gods’ poetry,” it said, “you had better get started, hmm?”

Ganan wrote, reviewed and discarded countless lines before he sat staring into the chasms of nothingness that awed many an idle scholar. The skull, meanwhile, hummed a haunting tune.

“Tell me, skull, what pleases the gods?”

“Boy, if I knew the answer to that, do you think I would be a skull doomed to wait on a cushion in your empty library for days that are eternities? Do you know how dull it is to have the same point of view for years on end?”

“Surely when you were a poet you had some successes,” he probed.

The skull was silent for a moment before it spoke; though its tone was far from serious.

“I can tell you this, boy. The world is you and you are the world. We cannot live without others even if we want to. Sometimes, we are forced to live for others.”

The skull burst into maniacal laughter. Any man laughing that laugh would have had tears streaming down his face. He would have had pain and insanity in his eyes.

“Just follow yourself where you lead. Desires are what make the world dynamic, why shouldn’t it be the same with the gods? Use your desires to call them.”

Ganan shook his head and scanned the desk restlessly for answers. “My desires… What if I don’t know what my desires are?”

The skull made a choking noise, “I’m not a brazen head. I can’t answer every one of your questions.”

“It seems like you can’t answer any of them,” Ganan muttered.

He rubbed his temples, thinking suddenly of the boys outside. He imagined them playing with their sticks, ignorant of divine labours; seeing only splendour in that golden palace, seeing rampant joy in the world. He wondered what it was like to be one of them.

Ganan turned the skull so it faced another direction before he departed.

When the library was still, the living darkness of the skull’s eye sockets dissipated to inanimate shadow.

“What a wondrous world,” the skull said with caustic glee, “more bookcases.”

It exhaled a ghostly sigh.




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Okay. Here we go.

First:
I have got absolutely no idea about what this place is, what the Poet is like and what is going on after having read the first two parts.

The description of the library is understandable and I can picture it.
But I do not know anything about Ganan. I do not know what he looks like. Except that he was wearing a white toga. And I do not know how he thinks. What kind of person is he?
At the moment the skull is a much more interesting personality to me than Ganan is. The skull is lonely and he seems to have made some mistake that prevents him from going to afterlife. He was a poet, too but isn't one anymore. He seems to want to go to afterlife. He is a mystery but you can understand him anyway. I especially like this:
“What a wondrous world,” the skull said with caustic glee, “more bookcases.”

It exhaled a ghostly sigh.

It makes you understand how the skull feels although you do not know anything about his past.

About Ganan I know less. He seems to not like the people who sent him the message because he burned it. And he thinks his task is hard. But I can't really get hold on what kind of emotions he has. Does he dislike his job? I assume the advice the skull gives him has something to do with his personality and his feelings. But before the skull starts talking about them we know nothing.
Especially this part confuses me:
“Surely when you were a poet you had some successes,” he probed.

The skull was silent for a moment before it spoke; though its tone was far from serious.

“I can tell you this, boy. The world is you and you are the world. We cannot live without others even if we want to. Sometimes, we are forced to live for others.”

What does the answer have to do with the question? It seems as if Ganan asked a different question silently than he asked out loud. That is possible of course. But then the reader needs some kind of indicator what the silent question was before the answer comes.

I think that is it. Except for:
He struggled to write. His joints were red and swollen.

Why are his joints red and swollen? From writing? If yes, then say so.

So after all this let me assure you:
I think your story has potential. The introduction is intriguing and I can see a lot of interesting occurrences coming up. Especially the red haired boy sounds like someone who could be someone interesting.
"Do you choose the path you walk upon or does it choose you?" - Abhorsen by Garth Nix

(freely translated form the language I read it in)




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Hi Kath! You didn't think I would ignore this after reviewing the first one, did you? :P

In this highest of all chambers was a grand library, a maze of skeletal shelves spilling with the scrolls, books and codices of ages past.


In the highest of all chambers was a grand library, a maze of skeletal shelves spilling with scrolls, books and codices of ages past.

He found a giant desk at the epicentre of the encircling shelves; a cushioned throne stood before it.


Center would be a good enough word for epicenter. ^^

Any man laughing that laugh would have had tears streaming down his face. He would have had pain and insanity in his eyes.


This is telling. I'd prefer if you left what kind of maniacal laugh to our imagination. You know..imagination is potent. ^^

Just follow yourself where you lead


This is a very confusing line.


OVERALL:

Truth be told, I like the first one better. The prose here seems forced, unnatural. And I still don't have the slightest clue as to what the plot is supposed to be about. Try to clear up a bit more?
"The moral of this story, is that if I cause a stranger to choke to death for my amusement, what do you think I’ll do to you if you don’t tell me who ordered you to kill Colosimo?“

-Boardwalk Empire

Love, get out of my way.


Dulcinea: 2,500/50,000



"In my contact with people I find that, as a rule, it is only the little, narrow people who live for themselves, who never read good books, who do not travel, who never open up their souls in a way to permit them to come into contact with other souls -- with the great outside world."
— Booker T. Washington, Up From Slavery