The Battle

Boy's POV

The face
Of a man
Shows me
I’m here
The face
Of this man
Shows me
I’m alive

Stranger
I see your face
And I know
That there’s much
More to life
Than this
Whoa…
Stranger
Your calling
The battle
For the glory
I hear you
Oh stranger
Calling

And the road
That I’m walkin
Is so tired
It’s long
And I’m askin
If there’s
Really a God
Above

For if
I’m lonely
And if
I’m lost
I look to
The heavens
And ask God
For love

Stranger
I see your face
And I know
That there’s much
More to life
Than this
Whoa…
Stranger
Your calling
The battle
For the glory
I hear you
Oh stranger
Calling

The battles
Won
The victor
Screams
The loser cries
It’s all a dream
I see the stranger
On the hill
He calls to me
He calls to me…

Stranger
I see your face
And I know
That there’s much
More to life
Than this
Whoa…
Stranger
Your calling
The battle
For the glory
I hear you
Oh stranger
Calling

This face
It taunts
This face
It cries
I’m just a man
Show me
I’m alive

I don't understand the lyrics or the Boy's POV
It could be very interesting depending on the music. But maybe re-write some of the lyrics if the music turns out to be a perfect match. They just seem very general and not specific, which makes it bland

Hello again!

So, first of all, in the future, just to help me out... would you mind marking verses and choruses etc? That'd be awesome!

And second, I like this one much more than the first one. Not only is it a more creative topic, but it's one which could be interpreted in different ways, which I, personally, like.

Now, down to the nitty-gritty.

The face
Of a man
Shows me
I’m here
The face
Of this man
Shows me
I’m alive

The switch from "of a man" to "of this man" seems a little strange. I'm not sure what sort of connotation you're trying to show. Do you mean that seeing faces in general brings you into the moment, but one specific man does even more so? If that's what the goal is I would somehow try to make that clearer.


Just like in the other one, you make the lines very short, and they sound off. Very choppy. I'd combine lines again, just like in the other one.

Stranger
I see your face and I know
That there’s much more to life than this

etc

Stranger
Your calling
The battle

This part is a little ambiguous because I can't tell if you mean that the stranger's calling is the battle, or if he is calling the battle.

The battle
For the glory
I hear you
Oh stranger
Calling

The "Calling" on the end here sounds a little strange to me.

And the road
That I’m walkin'
Is so tired
It’s long
And I’m askin'

This part seems random to me. I'm not sure how it's related to the rest of the song. Also, note that when you leave off a "g" on an "ing" word you need an apostrophe.

The battle's
Won

The loser cries

I think dies might work better here. You're choice!

It’s all a dream
I see the stranger
On the hill
He calls to me
He calls to me…

Eh...*waggles hand* Also seems a little unrelated. Sort of contrived.


I definitely like this one. It's got an interesting concept. I think it would likely be even better to music... Good job.

-Maggie

Hey I really liked this song but in order to make it very emotional or sad you need to add some more blood to it, for example:

The loser cries--------Maybe it would be better if you would add dies not cries because it sounds a little bit childish.

Anyways my point is you need to add more emotions in the song such as sadness and anger. War is not about victory it is about survival.