Unforgiven

I huddled in my bed, waiting. The sheets were drawn up over my head, and my halting breath quickly made the small enclosed space stifling.

I listened, desperately tried to hear over the sound of my own breathing. I could feel the pulse at my neck, fluttering, and my heart was clenched painfully with anxiety.

Then there; soft footfalls. My heart squeezed within my chest, and I gasped for breath, the material around my mouth now damp.

"It's me."

The words, said in a reassuring tone of voice, escalated my panic attack. Soft, wet sobbing noises vacated my throat, and my nose started to run.

"Shh. Shh. I'm here."

The mattress edge to the left of me depressed as a weight settled on it, and I cringed, clutching the bed sheets to my chest. A sticky, warm hand reached under the sheets and gripped my hip. With a savage tug, he flipped me over, out of my tight fetal position, and onto my back. With his other hand he ripped the blanket away from me, and threw it into the corner of my bedroom.

I turned my head away, whimpering. Tears leaked out of the corners of my closed eyes. The large hand, roughened with callouses, rubbed at my stomach, pawed at my breasts. He pinched my nipple through my nightshirt, cruelly, twisting it, making me cry out in pain.

I bit my lip, waited for the silencing slap. It didn't come. Instead he hefted one heavy leg over my body, and sat on my hips. I pulled my legs together. He panted, and leaned forward. Grinding his pelvis against me, he kissed my cheek with an open mouth, his tongue sliding towards my tightly shut lips.

"Feel good?" He asked before biting my bottom lip, and squeezing my breast at the same time. "Say yes." He commanded.

I didn't move.

He backhanded me, his knuckles bit against my cheek, and I felt my lip split open in the same spot as last time.

"Say yes." He repeated.

". . . yes." I moaned, the blood metallic-tasting in my mouth.

He grunted and I heard the sound of a zip.

"Open wide."

I obliged.

I shut the rest out.

----

Afterwards I lay lifeless, and made sure my father had left the room before I tended to my injuries. In a few hours I would get out of bed, eat breakfast, prepare my school lunch, then head out to high school.

I would once again explain away the split lip by blaming it on my younger brother. It was only a half lie. He had his turns with me too. Just infrequently compared to my father.

I cried myself to sleep that night. Just like the night I had before it.

Hey. Let me have a look at this for you. ^^

my halting breath quickly made the small enclosed space stifling.

While I like the opening paragraph, this stands out as a little messy: "halting breath" brings out the image of fear, silence and just afraid to breath, so it confuses the reader when you say "made stifling". "Stifling" is more violent and it clashes with a fairly mediocre "made". A way to strengthen this would be to say it "stifled" the air, quite simply. Yeah.

"Open wide."
I obliged.
I shut the rest out.

Somehow, I think this would be more powerful without the "I obliged", as if the image of her having no choice being stronger.

That's all I could find. I thought this was fantastically written; even though I knew what was coming, I was still left in suspense and the pacing was excellent. However, I felt that there could be a little more story involved, a back-story to give the father a motive, otherwise it's nothing more than a sexual abuse scene, and I think it could be more--it feels too much like an introduction or a conclusion at the moment, than anything else, if you understand, although the mystery does appear to work so far. Just an idea, there.

Although I've said already that the suspense worked to give a shocking scene, I think that the descriptions could be a bit more developed. Perhaps you could describe the father to give him more of an ugly sense to him.

In terms of grammar, you need to clear up on your dialogue punctuation. Check out this website by Snoink:

http://www.snoink.com/kn/writing/mechanics/1.php

Remember those rules ^^. You don't want this spoiled by such a simple error, eh?

There's not a lot more to say, other than perhaps develop the characters a bit more, giving them motives and reason and such. PM me if you have any questions.

Best
Blinky