what do you think

4 posts
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you and me together...
we'll be free forever...

thought it was a fairytail
but it aint so oh well

but we cant be free...
but we cant be free

'cause I'm stuck in this trap of a world...
along with every other boy and girl...

without you
without you
without you...

'cause you got in a car crash
I had to go to your funeral
It'll never be the same

without you
without you
without you...

'cause I'm stuck in this trap of a world...
along with every other boy and girl...

without you
without you
without you...
Last edited by we'renotpeoplewe'reart on Fri Jul 10, 2009 12:42 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Hey! Your song is short but you seem like you have a pretty good idea of writing songs! But you need a hook and for it to flow. Ryhyming would help to! Keep writing and God bless!!













"They can because, they think they can"




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Thanks for all of your ideas! It really means a lot to me and it helps me so much. God bless you too and you know he does.




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Points 33076
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Hey, welcome to YWS! :D
If you haven't already, introduce yourself in the Welcome board! My fellow blue people (Greeters) want to say hello!

((Man, it's hard to review songs when you have a song stuck in your head :D))


I liked this song. It was short, sweet, and simple, which I value in a song. It was really bittersweet and cute. The only thing I can say is maybe indicate what notes are held out, if any are. What I do to indicate this is just put an ellipse after the word so like 'I love you...' the 'you' would be held out.
I can't really say much about the rhythm because I have a song stuck in my head, (Happy Ending by Mika, I recommend it :)). Overall nice job :)

((PM me if you have any question or need anything! :D))

-Carly
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

Ask a Therapist!
I want to beta read your novel!


Ask me anything. Talk to me about anything. Seriously. My PM box is always open <3



the only theft here is of decency when carina decided to rob me of my pride and put me on a banana
— veeren