Throne of Sand

2 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 1
"I can feel it....I know you feel it too."

The first rays of light flickered through the blackness clouding his vision. As every other day his mind sparked at the warmth of that touch. Pulling him out of the realm of dreams to regain his phsyical body. Birds chirping alongside a soft gust of wind whistling through the tree's woke his senses. Sitting up suddenly Dranobi looked around his room like it wasnt real. The sun was shining outside the window and he went to look if anything had changed. The city was alive with movement as people went about their daily routines. Staring into the distance dranobi tryed to remember what he had dreamt.

He could remember the sound of the ocean and a feeling of being home again. The voice of a girl saying " I knew you would come." echoed in his mind. Then he could see a massive ship hovering in a sky of red. Just before waking he had seen a man standing before him holding a key like Dranobi had never seen before. The dreams faded and slipped away as if they were sand falling between his fingers. Suddenly a voice called to him from below the window.

"Hey Dranobi, you sleep through your alarm again? Ten dollars says you sleep in on the day of the test." a man that worked in the store across the street yelled to him through the open window.

Realizing he had missed the alarm Dranobi leapt out of bed. In a frantic craze he jumped into his black pants and tightined the belt. After sifting through some clothes he threw on his white long sleeved shirt along with his black orion sneakers. Stopping breifly infront of the mirror on the wall to slick his hair with gel he raced to gather his gear and books.

He went Running down the stairs stopping for a moment to yell goodbye to his mother having breakfast in the kitchen. Passing a familiar picture of himself and his father playing with the jet ski's at lake lucia. Dranobi slipped his black coat adorned with his silver squire epilets on and smiled to himself. The symbol of the Dragon Knights stretching from shoulder to shoulder like the wings of a silver dragon.

Entering the garage he quickly hit the button to open the automatic door as he jumped the staircase. Without sparring a second dranobi shoved his things into the saddle compartments of his bike. Deftly hopping on to the bike and kicking up the stand in one motion, fitted his helmet and activated the link to the bikes stereo.

"Miss me darlin?" The bikes engine started at this command.

The vibration from the motor warmed his hands as he reved the engine. A great song started playing, he put the bike in gear and shot out of the garage making a hard turn before speeding off down the street. Once he left the suburbs and got on the highway he was lost in the beauty of Citroen.

The city of Citreon was the capital of the great Maldoan nation. The entire city was built along the shore of the Lovian sea. Rich green mountains seemed to wrap around Citreon in a protective embrace. Great high rises stretched towards the sky in the heart of the city. The suns rays reflecting off their mirrored surface caused them to shimmer from a distance. All around the central city was a concrete tram line that snaked its way out towards the urban areas. Citroen is known throughout the world for its technology and unique architecture. Buildings made from steel and glass that stand out against the bright greens of the natural land around them. Along the entire coast is Cresent Barrier made of the purest white stones taken from the mountains ages ago. Just above there stands the hub of Citroen knowledge and power the Dragon Hall. A structure forged for man kind by the dragons. Using mankinds metal along with the magics of the dragons, they constructed a symbol of hope in the shape of a golden dragon. Eternally guarding a massive platinum blade many stories tall. These buildings were created in all the dragon kingdoms as reminders and as funtional bases of operations for the Knights.

The people of Citreon live peaceful lives compared to the generations before them. Only a hundred years before, the nation of Maldoan was at war with the people of Hailos. A powerfull nation that found its strentgh in the dark magics long forgoten. The hailos had layed waste to much of the world in their quest to fullfil their gods prophecy. A prophecy that fortold a great power coming from the heavens to cleanse the world of all life. They were stopped by the old kings knights who sacrificed their lives to save the world.

"The Dragon knights fought their way to the dark emperor's castle. In the end only one knight lived to confront the emporer Dalam. It is said that in that final battle the Silver dragon knight Darlantan gave his life stopping the spell to summon the world enders. With this sacrifice the dark palace was destroyed in a great explosion. The only trace of that evil place is a massive crater in the Desert of sorrow." Miss Chrona paused for a moment to let the class absorb what she had said.

"So you see students we owe a great deal to the knights of the dragon and to our ancestors for giving so much so we may live in peace." Finishing her speech Miss Chrona smiled softly at her students.

The classroom was full of students all of whom seemed to be contemplating this peice of history. All except one young man who sat next to a window at the rear of the classroom. Dranobi was staring off into the blue sky lost in his imagination. He didnt notice Miss Chrona approaching until she stood next to him. Realizing he was caught he lowered his gaze to meet miss chrona's. Her blue eyes seemed to search his own for some sign of understanding. Without taking her eyes off him she spoke to the other students.

"Even though we have a beautiful city and all the world now knows peace. It is only through history that we see that evil will come again. To threaten those who cannot protect themselves." Dranobi could feel the compassion in her pleading gaze.

"This is why you all have chosen this path." turning back towards the front of the room She continued.

"To learn to protect those who will not defend themselves. Tommorrow you all will be paired up in groups of three and be taken to the Blood temple. We will be meeting in the courtyard at four in the morning. Bring only essentials for a scouting tour. If you make it to the hall of bonding you will face the final test before becoming a member of the Dragon soldiers." she moved back across the room to stand before her desk.

"You all know the Area around and inside the Temple is considered a Live zone. Meaning you will be encountering hostile threats. I dont need to tell you your lives are at risk, you knew that when you applied. I will tell you that all your training will be tested. Fight as a unit and always follow your team captain." Her tone was sharp and forcefull.Its effect was seen through out the class as people looked at eachother with repect and comradery.

Miss Chrona's Red and gold trimmed teachers uniform made her look commanding and Dranobi admired the strength and discipline she possesed. Having taught at the academy for nearly ten years she was a school favourite. Her small stature was always over shadowed by her cheerfull and bouncy personality. When Dranobi had first began his training Miss Chrona had made sure he got extra help with his magic lessons which were as she said "More entertaining then harmfull." With her help he had become one of the top five challengers in the annual Lionheart Semi's, a tournament between all of the Dragon academys.

"Some of you might learn what it means to be a soldier. When this test is over you will know your own strengths and weaknesses. As well as the strengths and weaknesses of your companions." For a breif moment she was somewhere else and dranobi could swear he saw tears form in her eyes.

"I wish you all the best of luck tommorrow. Now go enjoy that beautiful weather. It only last's so long." Her voice was full of sincere happiness.

Her golden hair pulled back into a pony tail bounced as she turned quickly towards her seat. Dranobi whatched as she brought a hand up to wipe the tears away. He could only imagine what was the source of her greif. Quickly Logging out of his computer he stood and joined the crowd of students trying to leave in the usually hectic order.

"Dranobi could i speak with you for a moment?" Miss Chrona chirpped above the noise of shuffling feet and excited conversation.

Quickly thinking of anything he may has missed or done wrong Dranobi moved to stand infront of Miss Chrona's desk. He couldnt help but smile as he looked into her blueish grey eyes.

"I want to ask you if your willing to lead a team tommorrow." Speaking in an even tone she punched in a few commmands into her computer.

"Well to be honest I dont think im ready for that responsibility." Dranobi couldn't help but look towards the window as he said this.

Pausing from reading her screen she looked up at him with a great understanding in her eyes.

"Its not our choice you know." She said quickly

"Huh?" His attention caught by the odd response.

"Who among us will lead and who will follow." Miss Chrona continued reading.

"In the heat of battle a persons true nature is revealed. Its in those moments leaders are born. Unfortunately the cost can be great." Her voice softened as she spoke. Again looking up at him she spun the computer screen around.

Leaning on to the desk Dranobi saw she had started a video stream.

A scene of what looked like a jungle and two men infront of the camera. The noises of birds and various animals could be heard in the background. The trees were a bright green and had massive trunks, their branches spread across the canopy blocking most of the sunlight. The ground was alive with plant life making their progress slow and tiresome. They were Dragon Students he noticed right away by their uniforms. They moved thru the jungle scanning back and forth for danger. The Lead man suddenly stopped bringing his right hand up in a fist, a signal to the others. The camera angle lowered as the camera man crouched along with the other student.

"What is it?" A female voice whispered from behind the camera in a trembling voice.

The lead man was obviously trying to listen and had drawn his sword. A long moment passed when a deep powerfull roar shattered the silence. The lead man began backing up, his gaze focused infront of him. The other team member had his hands ready at his sides in preparation for a spell. Even the camera women had armed herself. The barrel of her rifle poking out from the bottom of the screen. The screen began to bounce as something massive moved towards them.

"Get out of here!!!" The lead Man screamed harshly. He sheathed his sword in a single motion and took a stance dranobi recognized. A Spell used by silver dragon knights, a spell that is saved for their last stand.

"We're not leaving you!!" The female holding the camera yelled back.

The other student had begun backing up and was now out of the screen. Another roar split the air.

"Vivi run now please." His words were calm and Vivi knew he had made a choice.

"Coloeb...." Vivi whispered to herself as she began to run.

The camera bounced chaoticaly as she ran, her frantic breathing blended with the sounds of leaves and brush. Only seconds after running the camera spun around in time to see a great wave of blue light swell through the jungle towards her. The camera shook violently and a second later it fell from Vivi's head, landing in a pile of leaves. Dranobi whatched as the blue wave of light filled the screen. A crackling noise like thunder was the last thing the video caught before the screen went black.

"Tommorrow will be real, more real then most of the class knows. I wanted to show you this." Her tone was even and confident. "

Hopefully you understand now what i meant by not having a choice." She was looking at him with empathy in her eyes.

"That's all for now. I'll see you in the morning. On time by the way." A laugh escaping as she smiled at him. She spun the screen back around and began punching in commands.

As he turned to leave he noticed the name plate on Miss Chrona's desk read Vivi Chrona and he understood now what she was trying to say.


While the rest of his class celebrated the end of their studies Dranobi went to the crescent barrier. To a spot along the massive tidal gaurd were its heighest against the city back drop. The white stone was a warm orange as the sun hung low on the horizon to the west. Parking his bike next to an old wooden bench he took a seat. The walkway was walled on each side with lamps adorning the few feet high barrier infront and behind. He leaned back against the well worn bench which creaked against his weight. Staring off into the distance as the light faded from the sky. On que the lamps sprung to life with a soft emerald light that gave just enough lumination to outline the ground. The tides rythmic lapping was a subtle background as he reminisced about the past. Each memory coming like the waves, rippling to his concious from the dark depths only to slip back as another crashed over it.

He rememebered how he and his brother Razzel used to race their bikes along the barreir. How he had looked up to him, always with a girl and making everyone laugh. Razzel was taller then Dranobi and had his fathers dirty blonde hair. His eyes were blue compared to dranobi's green and though they looked alike their was a big difference in personality. When he dissapered during his test Dranobi refused to believe he was dead. His brother was alive and no one could tell him otherwise. So he spent the last two years devoting himself to being a better soldier.

Constantly practicing when the other students were on leave. The first to volunteer for any physical challenge or test of wits. He had become a silent celebrity, living alone on campus. The other students calling him ghost after his first win at the Lionheart semi finals. He thot that was a fitting name and welcomed it with a laugh when he heard it.

He thot about how shut away he had become these last few years. He missed his friends and the feeling of living free and full of hope. The memories of camping trips and nights after work at the clubs downtown. How much fun he had chasing girls with corny one liners and the amazing moments of perfection on the dance floor. Dranobi looked up to the night sky filled with countless stars far away but bright and everlasting, brilliantly shining amongst darkness eternal. His heart sped up and his breath quickened as a burst of hope filled him. A soft light began to outline the mountains to the north as if a dull blue sun were rising behind them. Turning to look along the barrier he whatched the blue moon begin to rise.

The Blue moon Aqia crested the peaks, its rays illuminating the barrier. For a few moments the barrier glowed with a pure cerulean blue that shone brightly lighting up the shoreline. The ocean became alive with countless blue flashes of light as the saphire moon threw its beams against it.

Dranobi whatched the flashes off the waves with a smile on his face. He could see his brother standing next to him in his mind. "Its now or never"

The sun rose on the distant horizon dimmed by the pink and yellow clouds wrapping the sky above. The mountains were great black shadows against the light of dawn. The parade ground was full of students queitly conversing. Dranobi had arrived early thanks to some yelling from the man across the street. It was almost the designated time and the crowd became louder with anxiety.

A sharp clarion of trumpets signaled the arrival of the Elder dragon of Citreon. A man who rumor says has lived for over a hundred years. Yet Dranobi saw a man who's physical stature was that of a middle aged man. Only his pure white hair and short trimmed beard gave away his age. Dranobi along with the crowd shifted towards the wooden podium perched infront of the Transport vehicles. He was dressed in a black suit obviously custom tailored and over priced. The crowd hushed at the echo of a microphone coming to life.

" Today is your first day as dragon knights!." A strong and steady voice carried the inspiring words with force.

"Life!" The crowd answered as one.

" Today you will meet yourself for the first time." He stressed these words clearly.

" You may not be happy with it but think not about this. You changed the moment you started your journey here. You have found the door you were looking for and now you will see whats on the otherside." The elders eyes danced across the many faces before him.

" Always remember you followed thru on a feeling. You trained long and hard for this. Everyone of you are equipped to defend the defensless."

"Knights stand too!!" Pride was in the barked words and they all heard it.

The entire assembly incuding the teachers snapped to attention bringing their hands to the their sides and straightening upright. The teachers turned and began to move around to the many transport units lining the southern end of the grounds.

" Fill your hearts with courage and cherish your friends dearly." The elder moved away from the podium and strode half way to the teachers. Stopping and turning back towards the students.





Ok I'm curious to hear opinions on this opening for a story im working on. Its not spell checked just written and saved.

I hope you enjoyed :)
Last edited by Dranobi on Sat Jun 20, 2009 7:51 pm, edited 3 times in total.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 96
Hello
WOAH. You completely threw me off-balance there!

First you start with a fantasy name and setting, and then you throw in modern technology and dialogue. That was a bit disconcerting, fusing the two spheres...then again, maybe I'll just have to get used to it.
Like you typed, there were a heap of spelling and grammar mistakes, so I'd recommend you fix those if you want to get reviewed. :) Or readers might just give up.

Your plot seems interesting, but the story is too fast-paced. Try slowing it down with a little more description, or show us a little more about Dranobi.

Keep writing!
Be yourself; everybody else is already taken.

I came, I saw, I conquered.

When you're being nice to your character, you're being bad to your book.



Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.
— Sir James Dewar, Scientist