Note: There seems to be a lot of people from countries other than Australia here, so I want to clear up a few things that those people might not know. AFL stands for Australian Football League, and our football is different to other countries. All the places mentioned are real. Camberwell is about 15 minutes train from Melbourne city, and Ashburton is further into the suburbs. If there's any other cultural things that confuse you, just let me know. I hope you like it, but feel free to rip it to shreds!
Prologue
This wasn’t supposed to happen. I wasn’t the kind of girl that boys noticed. Well, that’s not exactly true, but that’s because I grew up in a house of boys and had plenty of guy friends, but I was more of a lets-shoot-some-hoops-with-the-guys kind of girl. But I definitely wasn’t a lets-make-out-in-the-cinema kind of girl. I was the friend girl, not the girl friend. That’s why the summer before year ten was so different, scary and new.
So I grew up with my mum and dad, two older brothers and a twin brother. Mum always said I was the daughter she always wanted, but I sort of turned into more of a guy. I guess Mum had to travel a lot for her work, especially when I was young, so I was left with my male relatives for most of the time.
I can’t say I’m completely boy. I mean, I still cared (a little) about how I looked and I read magazines and watched soaps and everything, but I didn’t have any girl friends. I just hung out with the guys, and that was totally cool until the last day of year nine, when Jake kissed me behind the change rooms.
I came from a totally sport-centered family. Dad played football when he was younger, mum still plays tennis, my eldest brother (Mike) was the star player in our school’s basketball team when he was there and my other older brother (Harry) plays on the football team. My twin brother (Kyle) plays basketball and badminton, so I guess it was only natural when I got a place on the girls’ soccer team at school. I also played a lot of basketball with my guy friends and brothers (the whole family was pretty much basketball-crazy) and I was on a netball team after school during the winter.
My English teachers always tell me to start at the beginning when I’m writing something down, as I tend to start rambling. So I guess I’ll start at the start. For 15 years I was the girl that other girls envied, because I spent all my time hanging out with the guys they wanted to date, except I was hanging out with them because they were my friends. We sat together in class (always at the back), on the bus home (again, at the back) and pretty much every lunch-time we’d play basketball. Often they’d come over on Saturday to hang out, seeing as our house is so big and we’ve got a soccer goal and basketball ring.
Some people thought it was strange that I never hung out with girls, except during after school sport practice, and that I spent so much time with my twin brother, but it didn’t bother me. I can’t relate to girls who are too girly. I still can’t, although I’m getting better at it.
So, that was the first fifteen years of my life. On the last day on year nine, me and the guys decided to go out for pizza to celebrate. None of us could legally drive yet, so we decided to train into the city. I told them to wait while I picked up something from my soccer coach about playing a bit in the summer holidays. Jake (who was sort of my best friend out of all the guys, but also the kind-of ringleader), followed me. I got the form from my coach and was heading back, when Jake grabbed my wrist and pulled me behind the change rooms.
“What are you doing, Jake?” I asked, but he just pushed me against the wall and began kissing me.
It wasn’t like, rape, or anything, but I totally hadn’t been expecting it so I pushed him off me (living with three sporty brothers, you learn how to get guys off you) and screamed. Soon I heard a whole bunch of footsteps and the rest of the guys appeared.
“What happened Ash?” asked Jerry. I looked up at Jake.
“Um… Nothing, I just thought I saw a rat. Sorry guys. Let’s get out of here. I’ve had enough school for a lifetime.”
I knew I’d get some slack for being scared of a mouse (I honestly don’t think some of them realised I was a girl until that summer), but to be honest Jake hadn’t done anything wrong. That still didn’t stop me keeping a fair distance from him as we were walking. I walked with Tony, discussing sporting opportunities that summer, and Jake was talking about cars with Kyle.
My name is Ashley, but only my teachers, or my parents when they’re mad at me, call me that. Everybody else calls me Ash, which is the way I like it. The whole puberty thing meant that I was taller than most of the guys, which could get really awkward, but fortunately for me there were still a couple my height. I guess they just came from tall families.
The pizza place we went to was owned by Jerry’s uncle. I guess I should explain the group.
So there’s me and my brother, and then Jake. We’re all 15 (Well, sixteen now, but at the time this story is set in we don’t turn 16 for another few weeks). Jerry and Pete and Derek are all 16. Tony is 17, but is in our year because he failed a bunch of exams and had to stay down. That’s really all. Sometimes other guys will hang out with us, but that’s my little gang.
Non unsurprisingly, I had to pay for most of the meal (I totally don’t get what it is with guys and not having money) but we got a discount because of the family thing, and it was totally worth it because they pizza was just about the best I’ve ever had.
I sat in-between Pete and Derek, mainly talking to the former, and Jake was sitting at the other end, talking to Tony. Sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I’d see him looking at me, but I never looked back.
At 5, Mum called offering us all a lift home. Most of us lived in the same area, but Pete was based in Glen Waverly. I suppose I should quickly explain that the rest of us were around Camberwell. Jake lived down the street from us; in fact there weren’t many days in which we didn’t see him.
Pete decided to take the train home, but everyone else accepted the offer and soon enough Mum pulled up in her station wagon. I ended up sitting next to Jake, but instead of striking up a conversation, I plugged my iPod into my ears and stared out the window, nodding my head to the music.
Everyone trickled out of the car and eventually Mum pulled into our driveway. I scrambled out of the car and rushed into the house, not even waiting to say goodbye to Jake.
I have one secret. Mum is the only one who knows, and I know she’d never tell anyone. I dance. Not ballet, but ballroom, and if my friends found out, they’d probably kill me for doing such a girly thing. So I don’t tell them. Well, actually, I suppose a lot of people know that I dance, because I go to classes every week, but Mum is the only one who knows both sets of people. I don’t even think Dad knows about my dancing. When I was young, Mum took me to these classes, and I suppose I fell in love with dance. My friends have learned to stop asking where I go on a Friday evening. I’m sure they’ve asked Kyle, but he doesn’t know either.
So this is my story. This is the summer before year ten, in which my friends realise I’m a girl, my biggest secret is exposed, and I totally fuck up my life, lose all my friends, and have to figure out a way of not falling apart when the world was screaming at me that I was finished.
The last day of school was a Friday, but there was no dance class. The formal lessons don’t run in the holidays, but I had signed up for holiday lessons that started the following Monday. So where did I leave off? Oh yeah, rushing into the house and not saying bye to Jake. It was ten minutes before Mum came into my room and found me practicing the Tango, which was my best and favourite Latin dance. She closed the door behind her and waited till I was done, knowing better than to disturb me.
“I don’t want dinner,” I said, turning off my music. “Sorry. I ate loads of pizza.”
Mum nodded. I think she expected that.
“Ash, what happened this afternoon once we got home? You didn’t even say bye to Jake, just rushed upstairs. Is anything wrong?”
If there was one person I could confide everything in, it was Mum, but I didn’t want to tell her this, not until I’d figured out why it bothered me so much in the first place, so I shook my head.
“He’ll be around here tomorrow, anyway. I just wanted to get out of the uniform and do some dancing. You know how it is. Sometimes … I just need a break from being a boy.”
Mum nodded. She had been the same, although she had grown up with a whole lot of older sisters, so her Dad turned her into a little son. But she knew that sometimes I just wanted to be myself.
“Just making sure. Are you positive you don’t want any dinner?”
I nodded. “Definitely.”
She left my room and I turned my music back on. I loved soccer and netball, but I also love dance. I don’t know what I would have done if someone had told me to choose just one of them. There was a comfort in knowing Mum would never make me choose, but let me pick in my own time.
I didn’t go downstairs afterwards, but took a shower. Then Mum shouted up at me to find out if I wanted to go Christmas shopping with her the next day, which I did. There was nothing else for me to do, so I went downstairs to watch TV. Mum, Dad and Mike were watching the tennis. I sat down in front of Mum and she began braiding my hair.
I should tell you a bit more about my family. Mum’s name is Joan, and Dad’s called Todd. They both work as teachers at primary schools, but when I was little Mum was a publicity agent. She retired because she said she got sick of being away from home all the time. Mike is 21. He’s at Melbourne Uni studying Medicine. He’s just about the best basketball player my school has ever seen, and is 6’2. He has a girlfriend called Monica who lives in Ashburton.
Next is Harry. He’s 18 and is in year 12 at our school. He’s not quite as tall as Mike, but he’s getting there. He planning on studying to be an architect, but what he really wants is to be spotted by the AFL people, which is pretty likely as he’s such a good football player.
Kyle is, of course, my twin brother. Our birthday is December 24, and neither of us have ever been particularly happy about this. He’s smaller than me (the shortest in our family) and doesn’t really have a life outside of sport and acting like a typical guy, as far as I know. He’s dated girls before, but girls prefer to look at him (I don’t see it, but that could be because I’m his sister), than date him because he’s a normal teenage guy, who finds things like burping and farting the height of amusement.
There’s also a dog called Rex, but he’s not really part of this story as he spent most of this summer with his old owners down at the beach.
I couldn’t tell you which brother I get on best with. I spend the most amount of time with Kyle, given we have to same group of friends, but without the other guys we don’t really have much of a relationship. I suppose I’d have to say Mike. There’s always been this really protective older-brother thing with me and him that I don’t get from the others, and it always made me feel really special. I can’t say I ever got along with Harry that much. He was just the other brother. Maybe that’s what happens to the middle child, they float into the background.
)!! 
