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4 posts
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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 128
sea of green and one lone
grey building stands mute
amongst the reeds
lonely, broken, empty home
free from the burden of a
family, soulless and eternal
lazy drifts by the boats
and ships destined to
other-where, as poor jack
stays behind to watch
with six sick sad eyelids
drooping and pleading
in silence
Remember! Do not forget!
but
who can halt the current
past the house that once
thought he was a palace
and even thou one
boat one person one empty
vessel on his sea-sick
weary bark may heed the
cry
the river flows on
and none may return

**note on the formatting**
I wrote this as one long sentence in my journal. The line breaks you see here are where I jumped to the next line. This is exactly how it looks in my little book.
Sing lustily and with a good courage. Beware of singing as if you were half dead, or half asleep; but lift up your voice with strength.




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Points 11542
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Wow... I really, really liked this. You conjured up the scene of a port at the end of a river really well, and I got an idea of who the character was. I have absolutely no criticism for this piece.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 128
Aww! Thanks Nate!
Sing lustily and with a good courage. Beware of singing as if you were half dead, or half asleep; but lift up your voice with strength.




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 14
While I understand that this is fresh out of the notebook, I think it may be beneficial for you to do some editing. As for the Poem itself, you did a good job conjuring up images, especially in the first ten or so lines which I think are especially strong.

Good work!



What holds you betwixt panic and serenity? That is, if it's not among the many querulous quagmires unfit for elaboration.
— soundofmind as Emiliano Achillinus