A Dragon's Personality

*I'm a little obsessed with dragons, so...*

A Dragon's Personality

Strength and heart,
Wise and smart,
Intelligent and knowing;
Claws and scales,
Tooth and nail,
A Dragon it is to be.

Wings and tails,
Dangerous nails,
Teeth as hard as rocks;
Serpent, lizard,
Wingful blizzard,
Dragons for you and me.


*Like I said, this has no real meaning whatsoever. It's just a bunch of rhyming nonsense about dragons - but I like it. Hehe.*

~Claery

Hey Werecat! June here!

I saw you around the forums reviewing, so, I decided to review this for you.

Strength and heart,

Wise and smart,

Intelligent and knowing;

Claws and scales,

Tooth and nail,

A Dragon it is to be.

This is a brilliant start. I love how short each line is, presenting two similar things simplistically, while and having a delicate rhyme here. You say this poem has no point, but I think it's wonderful. It may be an obvious poem that you don't have to dig to find the meaning and such, but it's great. Wonderful job with this!

Wings and tails,

Dangerous nails,

Teeth as hard as rocks;

Serpent, lizard,

Wingful blizzard,

Dragons for you and me.

I love this, werecat! First you spoke about the good parts of dragons, the sort of things that they are often attributed to as a good omen, and here you bring us to the bad side of dragons, ferocious and such. Wonderful closing, dear.

However! I'm not so sure that "wingful" is a proper word? It words, because the meaning -- although made up-- is definitely easy to see. Perhaps winged can replace that?


Wonderful poem. A nice, easy read, very nice!

Keep it up, and welcome to YWS!


June

Hi black night werecat,

This is a line-by-line description (and a limited one at that) rather than a poem. It is plagued by confusion (strength and heart should probably be strength of heart). The rhyme scheme makes it irritating. Coming into this already knowing what a dragon is, you have failed to tell me anything new about a dragon's personality. In fact, you mostly describe what dragons look like rather than comment on their personality. Last time I checked, nails, teeth, tails and wings were part of a creature's physical make-up, rather than parts of their psyche.

If you are going to revise this, try avoiding bad rhyme, strange structure and actually failing to describe what you said you would.

Like I said, this has no real meaning whatsoever. It's just a bunch of rhyming nonsense about dragons - but I like it.

Oh. Right. So why did you put this up for critique again?

Thanks for the time I lost.

Haha, meaning or not, you wrote it anyway. ^^

The last line of every stanza is kind of cliched and lame. It would be awesome if you could use these descriptions in the context of a story so we could get the feeling that these descriptions show us what a dragon is and then you can lead us on by what this dragon does. Because, y'know, a quarter of description comes from describing... the rest comes from the character's actions.

Good luck!

Gee thanks June - after reading the second review, I thought I was going to cry. You seem to be the only one who likes it. I put it up because, not only did I recognize that it was kind of like a nursery rhyme, and thus, to be "professional", should probably be revised quite a bit, but also because I thought it was kind of cute because of the nursery rhyme part of it, and thus, I wanted to share it, to show it to the world! I hope that answers your question, Firestarter - and do you think you could be a bit... I don't know, nicer? The way wrote that review was kinda mean, no offense.

~Rika~ (yes, that's my name - Rika Valentine. Weird, huh?)