The call- Regina spektor
"Seriously, Angela, you can let go now." He seemed almost joking, his almond shaped eyes, the color of the sky during a storm, streaks of a dominant grey with a dark blue hidden in the middle, almost suggesting the fact that there used to be a sky under that storm somewhere, looked at me happily.
"Oh," I hadn't realized I was still holding on to him. "Just take care, okay?" I loosened my grip on his waist, not completely letting go. "And wear a lot of warm clothes, and get a good night's sleep, or else you'll be grumpy." I warned him as he leaned down to take his bags.
"I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do all that," he said cheerfully, as if not caring whether he froze to death or wouldn't sleep for a month. His voice was bright with excitement, and I started wondering if this really was the worst thing for him. I mean, he seemed happy. So was it all that bad, as long as it made my big brother content?
"But!" I began to protest.
"No buts, Angel. I'm not sure if the military is like that." He shrugged with one of his big shoulders, two bags dangling from his right hand.
"But dad told us what it's like," I looked at him with wide eyes. "He said it was awful!"
Benjamin looked away. "I promise I'll try to take care of myself," he said, all the cheerfulness gone. The blue in his eyes faded, as if he was all storm now.
I swallowed, "but…?" I squeaked.
"I don't know if I'm going to come back."
I looked at him with big, confused eyes. Not come back? Well, then where was he going to go? My jaw flexed when I understood. "You are coming back. I don't care what happens. This isn't goodbye."
He chuckled, and a little blue snuck back in his eyes. "This isn't goodbye." He agreed.
I looked at the floor; the white marble seemed spotless today. I was going to stay in this huge house all alone from now on… and I wouldn't have Ben with me anymore. He was going to the battle field, which meant at least two years. Two years of being alone… no, I corrected myself. Two years of Ben being gone.
Benjamin understood. "I know that things aren't going to be the way they were," he said, not exactly cheerful, yet not exactly sad. He said it like it was a fact, like there was nothing that could be done about it.
"Yeah, I know." I choked out.
"Aww, don't do that, Angela, you know how I hate it when you cry!" he wined.
I smacked him on the shoulder, stretching as high as I could to achieve it. "Shut up," I mumbled, wiping the stupid tears off my face. "It's just that…" I hesitated. "I'm gonna feel so alone here without you…and I'm going to miss you so much… and…" I started sobbing. Benjamin was really going to go… I felt it stab deep in my chest as I really understood. All those months of preparations, of buying him all of those stupid things, like a military sleeping bag and all of those new socks and , and him starting to get in shape all of a sudden. Even when he cut his hair, cut his beautiful straight autumn hair, it wasn't clear.
Now it was.
He was really going to go. He was really not going to be here anymore.
I felt his arms embrace me tightly. "What did I say about crying?" he said, but his voice was choked too, like he was also crying.
"I don't care about that; I don't care about anything like that anymore." I wept into his chest, locked in a tight bear hug. As the tears kept running down my face I managed to take a step back.
He pushed back my autumn hair, so much like his, so that it wouldn't stick to my face with the tears. "I have to go." He said, and his voice was still strangled. I couldn't see any trace of tears over his face, but I knew he cried- his eyelashes were wet, but I didn't need that to tell. I knew my brother.
"This isn't goodbye," I repeated again, softer this time, almost like I was whispering, afraid that if I say it too loudly it wouldn’t be true.
He took a step backward. "Don't worry, sis, this isn't goodbye."
Another step.
"You'll be late for the bus." My throat was dry, and my voice broke. He nodded, looking me in the eye.
"I'll come back." He swore, his tone solemn, as if he really meant it.
I sniffled. "Of course you will." My voice was firm, unsettling for once. "What, you thought I'd let you go like that?" I snorted.
He smiled half a smile and waved. "See ya soon!" he said as he rushed out the door.
I half smiled too. Ben always knew what to say.
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