"He's bleeding! Move, get an OR open!" My ears could hear everything that went on around me, but all I was focused on was my father's still body. The bullet wound in his chest was bleeding profusely, but there was nothing I could do to help. Tears ran down my cheeks and felt onto the white cloth that had been placed over his body. I couldn't believe this. It hadn't happened to me. Just my imagination. I closed my eyes, my legs still moving with them.
"Sweetie, you're going to have to wait in the waiting room. Why don't you get your rest? We'll have him fixed up and then you can see him, soon. I promise." I opened my eyes to her face. She was almost doll-like as she tried to put on a large smile for me. This was all real and the worse part was that I wanted to believe her. I wanted to listen to her voice, the sweet innocent voice that seemed to be telling the truth and I wanted to sleep. I wanted everything to be fine. I knew nothing would be. The traces of lies in her voice were so clear that even a baby would be able to realize it was being lied to. Her promise had made it all worse because in the end she would break her promise and she knew it. We both knew it, but neither one wanted to point it out. Instead, I listened. I stopped moving with the stretcher and stood by the nurse. She began moving towards, what I hoped to be, the waiting room. We entered it and I could finally smell the hospital smell. You know, the mix of medicine and over sterilization? Well, that's what it was and it was only making me thinking of what happened more. How he got the bullet in his chest. Another tear dropped onto my already wet hands, but this time, I wiped it off. My mind traveled back to later in the day.
-
"Hey Dad?" I asked in a sweet and innocent voice. I had needed the car to get to my friend's house, but getting the car from him was always difficult. Especially ever since my mother had died in a car crash a few years back. I walked into the room wearing a tank top and pretty short jean shorts. My light brown hair was tucked neatly into a bun and I had applied barely any makeup. It didn't matter on me, though. My friends and family always said I could always get away without wearing any makeup and still be pretty. My dad was always worried about this and I had to assure him everyday that I've never had a boyfriend and I didn't want a relationship until I was out of college.
"Where are you going?" he asked in his business voice. I knew he was going to ask it, he knew I was going to answer truthfully, and then we both knew that he was going to give me the same worried look he always gave me.
"I'm going to J's house. Mei-Mei is going to be there. They want me to come over to make sure J is ready for her date tonight then I'm coming home." I shifted to my other foot and stood on that for a few more minutes before switching back over. J, or really Jacey, had been my best friend during the time of diapers. We had been inseparable, even now. My father liked her too, glad that I had another girl to share that girly stuff with. Being the father of a daughter without a mother was hard on him, but he was doing a great job on me. I was already eighteen so that had to account for something. Now Mei-Mei was a different story. Only recently did Mei-Mei become a good friend and my father didn't approve of her much. She was the girl that had taken J and I under her wings when we moved into high school nearly four years ago. She got held back, knew the school, and was the center of attention. Of course she had to make friends with the two most popular girls of their class. Mei-Mei, really known as Emily, was always trying to get me to hook up with the seniors every year, but I didn't find anyone my type in this school, so I just flirted and hoped they didn't think they could actually score with me, or whatever the guys thought.
"Fine," he said not even looking up from the project he had brought home from work, "Be back by seven, though. You have school tomorrow and a big track meet." I was surprised at his calmness at this and wondered if he was slowly realizing that worrying too much was just giving him more gray hairs and nothing else.
-
It was my fault. I shouldn't have stayed out past eight. I should have answered my phone in the car. I pushed the palms of my hands into my eyes and rubbed them. If I had been home at the right time he wouldn't have been outside trying to call me and the drive by shooters would have only hit our house. We would have both been safe from the shooting. Neither one of us would have felt pain, but now both of us were dying.
He died five hours later in the OR. The bullet had managed to lodge itself in his chest between the membranous sac and the heart. There was too much blood in the sac. The heart couldn't expand and he died. I stood there watching the nurse call Jacey's house and then watched as Jacey rushed into the waiting room with her mom close behind her. I didn't want comfort and I didn't even want to see them. "Oh Ams, I'm so sorry. Come here." Jacey's arms were spread out wide, but I didn't move. Instead I just sat there and waited for the nurse to tell me I could leave. Wrapping my arms around my body, I began walking out of the hospital.
"Ams! Where are you going?" I could feel her follow me, but I didn't care. I didn't want to stay here, in this town, any longer.
"AMIE!" she screamed, obviously crying, as I exited the hospital. I would never look back again. Not to my father and not to my best friend who had decided that night that she wanted to go with Mei-Mei and fire a loaded gun on houses. Not to my best friend who had killed my father when I was driving home after I refused to go with her. No, I just took the car and drove out of the town and into my new life of pain and despair.
