Getting Life Back

Getting My Life Back

Chapter 1

Finally!!
After an hour of tedious labor, she had come up with a masterpiece.
Poor exams- just perfect to hide the truth.
Especially for a girl like her, a class topper.
Even the thought of failing was enough to drive her to suicide.
No one would even suspect.
She neatly folded the suicide note and kept it on her study table, where it could be easily noticed.
Then she went upstairs to the terrace, and in front there laid a breathtaking view of her city.
There were both small and tall type of buildings. Some were made of glass and steel, and others of brick and cement. Her country was still in the process of development.
In the darkness of the night the lights of the city glimmered like small but precious gems.
Her eyes shined from their shine.
She took out a picture of a girl from her pocket.
With her long black hair, her so fair skin, her pink rosy lips, she was just perfect.
Aarohi kissed the photo.
“I love you.” She slowly whispered.
It was a week ago that she had found out that she loved her best friend. And since then a strange feeling of guilt and disgust had filled her heart. She didn’t care about the others, no. But the respect she had for herself was shattered. She was disgusted by herself.
She knew that this was normal, but it didn’t matter to her.
To her and this was a sin, but now she herself was a sinner.
It was totally unacceptable by her.
She climbed up the railing and looked down below. It was a long way down alright.
She stood straight, her arms wide apart. The wind played with her hair, the cold made her slender thin nose red and her eyes to water.
She had a broad smile on her face. For some strange reason she wasn’t afraid of the great height, which was highly unlikely of her.
She felt peace and happiness after a long time. It was like a day had dawned after a very long night.
She closed her eyes and for the last time she whispered “I love you.”
And finally she jumped.

-----X-----

Wow, just breath taking. I love this chapter because it gives much suspense before the actually event. But you also do alot of telling. Instead of saying she felt at ease with the height which was unlikely for her. Give reasons why this was unlikely to her. Was there a reason she was afraid of heights?

I would really like to read more could you please pm when another chapter is out?

This was really, really, good.
You give amazing details that really help with how the story moves along.
I'd love to keep reading your writings.

Hey =]

I definitely agree with the other two reviewers, in that this is a powerful piece.

Nit-piks;

Finally!! - Too much punctuation looks unprofessional. One exclamation mark is enough.

Poor exams- just perfect to hide the truth. - By 'Poor exams' do you mean that she failed on purpose to make her suicide look as if it was because she was upset with her results? If so, I'd change the start of this sentence to; 'Poor exam results -'

and kept it on her - I think 'positioned' would sound better than 'kept'

In the darkness of the night the lights of the - I think you should put a comma after 'night'

Her eyes shined from their shine. - I'd change the first use of 'shined' to something like 'glowed' or 'glistened' to avoid repeating 'shine'

It was a week ago that she had found - I'd add 'merely' or 'only' after 'was' to emphasize the fact that she's only just discovered her feelings for her friend.

others, no. - I'd nix 'no'

She was disgusted by herself. - I think 'by' would sound better as 'with' and also, I'd change 'disgusted' to something like; 'repulsed' or 'sickened' as you've already used 'disgust' a couple of sentences before.

but now she - I'd change 'but' to 'and'

It was totally unacceptable by her. - 'To her, it was totally unacceptable'

her slender thin nose red - I think one adjective to describe her nose is enough. I'd chose 'slender' over 'thin'

She felt peace and happiness after a long time. - After a 'long time' - I thought she'd only discovered that she was in love with her best friend a week ago? Or do you mean a long time of standing on the railing?

Overall;

This story was so sad I do agree with the reviewer above in that you could maybe add in a little more when she's standing on the railing. Show how she's feeling.

I hope I've been of some help to you!

xDudettex =]

Hi! Miss Summer Night at your service!

First of all I think this is a very interesting piece, and if I'm correct, this is about a girl committing sucide because she's in love with her best friend?
Very nice piece, I absolutely loved it! I would very like for you to write more.
Would you please pm me when you post another chapter.


Well, that's it! Bye!