I am....

I'm going to warn whoever might read this that I have never written poetry. This is just something I wrote using an outline my teacher handed out in class. It might not even make any sense and the punctuation is probably all wrong, but I would like some help so I can write my poetry better.



I wonder what will happen when
I hear the voices in my head.
I want something good to come
out of all I have done.
I am taking charge...
I pretend I am someone else
I touch the pen to paper and inspire.
I worry about things that aren't happening,
at least not to me.
I cry through my character's eyes.
I am creating...
I understand this is just my imagination.
I say it is just for fun, but
I dream of far off places.
I try to tell people what I am doing
and that this is my life.
I am writing.

Well done, I think you did a nice job capturing how most writers feel pertaining to their work. It could have used a bit more emotion, but captured a whole lot for it's structure.
"I say it is just for fun, but..."
This line was a bit confusing because then it goes on to saying how it is your life, it may just need a word change, but that was the only nit-pick thing I found. I really like the simple style you used, it was really able to keep the readers attention.
Awesome piece though, keep up the good work!

No no! That's what YWS is for improvement on writing. Post anytime, we'll be glad to help!

I want something good to come
out of all I have done.

I think instead of breaking it at "come" I would break it at "out". So it would look like this;
"I want something good to come out
of all that I have done."

I touch the pen to paper and inspire.

I love this line, but I don't get "inspire". It doesn't seem like it is correct right there. It almost sounds like you are using the incorrect tense or something. Try using a different word, maybe. Or at least experiment with synonyms or so. It's just that feeling where it is close, but not yet right.

I am taking charge...

Instead of ellipsis, try a semi- colon. Both do the job, but for this particular case I would recommend a semi- colon.

I am creating...

Just put a period at the end, if you want. You could always go with the semi- colon again, but I wouldn't recommend that or an ellipses in this line. Moreover based on the lines afterward, though.

I say it is just for fun, but
I dream of far off places.

Wonderful line break! I love how you broke it after the "but". Most people would put it on the next line. Very original, dear! I love it . It makes the next line sound better and more fluent, too.

I try to tell people what I am doing
and that this is my life.
I am writing.

Awesome wrap up. Perfect. Normally people explain what the poem is about in the first line, but you put it in the last. You are bursting with originality, and I love it.

OK, basically, the only problems were ellipsis use and the use of things that weren't quite right for the poem. Also, you start most lines with"I", and it gets a little bland when reading the poem through again. This doesn't necessarily mean you have to change or delete the lines themselves, just switch around the words to make it start with one of the other words you use in the line... if that even makes sense.

So! Great poem! Bursting with originality. I have written many poems about writing (mostly in my NaPoWriMo thread) and none of them were as good, or portrayed as well as this one (and I don't say that lightly).

Write on!

~April

Thanks April! About the whole originality thing, the truth is I didn't ever know what I was doing. I will try to take your advice and change somethings. Thank you, again, this really helps me.
~peanut~

i like it. it's good