A man is sleeping in the corner!

Here's something I made for fun, not a poet, just saw someone sleeping and...well, here it is.

A man is sleeping in the corner…
A man is sleeping in the corner!
He would not be sleeping if he only knew
What I know now, no he would not snooze.
He’d jump and shout and skip and sing
And hug and chug the air...and sing!
That book he swore to read, he’d read.
That steak he can’t afford, he’d gorge.
That cliff too high to jump, he’d trump.
That guy who ate his lunch, he’d punch.
That friend he’s always missed, he’d kiss…
He’d revel in acting so very sappy,
For he’d never have felt to be so happy!
If he only knew what I knew now
(How he could, I know not how),
He’d embrace the world with the strength of two,
Swear to never say he’s blue,
Always admit when “I love you,”
For he’d just have heard the words, “I do!”

Hello! My name is DaNay but you can call me escape if you like. Anyway I thought this poem was very cute. The rhyme was simple and fun but sometimes it didn't always work and there was no pattern. Like sometimes you have the rhyme in two lines and then in others in one.

He’d jump and shout and skip and sing
And hug and chug the air...and sing!

It's not a good idea to use the same word to make two lines rhyme.

I tried not be as light as possible because this was a poem made just for fun. Just wanted to point some stuff out. It really was a sweet poem though.

Insofar as this is just for fun, it succeeds in bringing a smile to the reader's face and it has a lovely, lighthearted tone. I agree with GreatEscape about the rhyming - it is a little disconcerting in places, but it doesn't feel too forced, so kudos on that. Just watch the number of times you have short lines with internal rhymes, as I think it starts to get old after about three or so.

Overall a silly, happy piece. I liked it

Cheers,
~bubbles