Friends.....

3 posts
Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 2
Friends Forever....


I felt alone, the rhythm of a sad song,
Then you came along,
Took my hand,
Said you'd be my friend,
You'd be there for me,
Made me believe.......


From then on no one has ever broken our bond,
It stands tall, forever and strong.


We cry for the other,
Laugh with one another......
Cause we trust and believe
Friends are meant to stay and never leave. :D
Last edited by saddy_smiley on Sat May 16, 2009 10:17 am, edited 1 time in total.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 86
Hello there! And welcome to YWS!
Okay, to my review. I'm typically not a fan of stanzas built of different lengths, but I think it works for this poem. I was able to read the poem with a natural meter, so that is always good. You have a few instances of slant rhyme in here (hand/friend, me/believe, bond/strong). Usually, you would want to try to keep these down to a minimum. Since your poem is relatitively short, having three of the six rhyme sets be imperfect rhymes takes away a bit. If you are going to limit your word choice by rhyming, then try to pick a sound that works easily with your poem's meaning. There was a sweet message to this. Overall, you did a pretty nice job. Keep writing!
Who did the jedi mind trick on you women when it comes to capri pants? *waves hand* You want a piece of clothing that makes your ass look wider, your legs shorter, and your feet bigger.
-Christopher Titus




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 2
thnx for suggestions!!!!!!

and for the welcome
I will implement the suggestions in my next poem :)



"The trouble with Borrowing another mind was, you always felt out of place when you got back to your own body, and Granny was the first person ever to read the mind of a building. Now she was feeling big and gritty and full of passages. 'Are you all right?' Granny nodded, and opened her windows. She extended her east and west wings and tried to concentrate on the tiny cup held in her pillars."
— Terry Pratchett, Discworld: Equal Rites