What I'm looking for

I really don't know what to call this so I've just called it What I'm looking for. Enjoy!

What I'm looking for
Every one's telling me that
there's no point carrying on.
But I'm going to stay strong.
Sometimes you've just got to believe.
Just keep moving, just keep going
Until you've reached what you're looking for.

Running into the fire
Can be the best thing to do.
I just need to hold on to
The dreams that keep me hoping.
I will get where I want to be
No matter the obstacles I face.

I will do this on my own.
I know that I will reach my dream
No matter how hard it may seem.
Sometimes it's going to get hard,
I might get lost along the way.
I might get stuck but I know I'll make it.

I may not get there quickly but
I know I'll make it some day.
That day I'll do it my way.
I will keep holding on to
The things that I'm hoping for.
Just keep believing in what I'm doing.

No matter what they tell me
I will keep carrying on,
Because I'll be staying strong.
I'm going to keep on believing,
Just keep moving, just keep going
Until I reach what I'm looking for.

Hi Megan,

I appreciate the sentiment of the poem, but I would suggest some changes.

The main thing I note is that the poem is divided into six line stanzas, but the difficulty I have is that this is maintained through irregular line breaks, and though it maintains the structure of the poem, reading it I don't find that it contributes to the poems rhythm.

Taking the 1st stanza:

Every one's telling me that - there's no point carrying on.
But I'm going to stay strong.
Sometimes you've just got to believe.
Just keep moving, just keep going
Until you've reached what you're looking for.

2nd stanza

Running into the fire - Can be the best thing to do.
I just need to hold on to - The dreams that keep me hoping.
I will get where I want to be
No matter the obstacles I face.

So I would suggest either changing the structure or the wording.

That's my two-cents.

Ryan

Hi Megan, welcome to YWS Like FA, I appreciate the sentiment behind this poem - it's nice to find someone using a fairly upbeat tone, if you know what I mean! You've structured it well and there's nothing technicaly wrong, exactly, yet the poem itself doesn't grab me.

The fact of the matter is, there's really nothing for the reader to connect to. While it's not navel-gazing angst poetry (for which I am grateful), it's still selfish in the sense that the poet is not sharing with the reader - you're making no attempt to engage us, just expressing a determination which, while admirable, could really have been summed up in a single stanza. Dragging it out through five verses becomes tedious as each one adds nothing new to the overall concept.

Next time, try experimenting with metaphors and similies, see if you can play on the reader's senses and make them think/feel the way you do, rather than just tell them about it. I've always felt that the best poetry is the poetry that evokes in the reader the emotions the poet is trying to convey

Cheers,
~bubbles

I applaud the use of optimism in this piece, and I definitely love the message it's trying to convey

I definitely agree with everything that was said above. It's best to keep a poem like this as concise as possible because the length definitely hinders it, mostly because it is really repetitive. Say it once, say it right.

The first stanza was a good start. I'd probably just end it right there xD But it'd be nice if you could expand on the idea a bit more as it is a little vague. I think the major problem is that it just needs to be developed more, that's all.

Sometimes it's good to ask yourself questions about a particular piece to get ideas as to how to develop it further. Because right now you've only got one theme: Carry on, be strong, reach what you're looking for, i.e. Determination.

But it could be so much more than that.

How are people holding the narrator back? Do they not accept their dreams? - Rejection.
Do they come in the way of their dreams? - Frustration.
What is so satisfying about reaching for your dreams? - Desire.
What if you fail? - Uncertainty

You can tap into any of these themes and by doing that, you'll also be able to engage the reader as these are all feelings that we've gone through.

But don't just TELL us. Show us. Let us visually see the narrator trying to walk up that rickety stairway, trying to reach their hand out, trying to frantically grab onto the light of their dream. That's a cheesy example. I'm sure you can come up with something better.

Imagery in a piece can do wonders for you

Anyway, keep writing! Please work on this, and if you ever update it or have any questions, let me know.

~ Audy