why i looked back

I don’t know why I looked back
maybe there were a few more to thank
those who made me what I am today
those who showed me the way
whose care I can never forget
those who wiped my eyes
when they were wet
for sure I have to walk the path back
and thank them by heart
I have to thank them before leaving
and before I start
that long journey into the world
and the future that is yet to come
in the world so fearsome
their memories I will need
they will never fade
i will smile for them
before goodbyes are bade

Hello!

Interesting poem. The flow is nice, and the words sit together well.

Imagery

imagery is not a must, but I highly, highly recommend it. Can't stress it enough. Use descriptive language, to help your readers relate to your poem and your ideas through out the poem. Imagery makes a bi difference. It gives your poem a soul. As of right now, there isn't much to the poem. I can't really relate to it. When I read it I should of recalled my own past and all the times people helped me. Either that, or your past/your feelings should have been so vivid in your poem that I should have been able to understand fully what your feelings are or what it is like for you to look back in the past and feel thankful for people who helped you through tough times. You can accomplish this through imagery,and strong descriptive language. Use irony, metaphors, similes, they give poems much more depth.
You have made some attempts to show sorrow but didn't pull it off quite well. What is sorrow for you? How does it feel when your eyes wet and they wiped them for you. You can elaborate in so many places:

and the future that is yet to come
in the world so fearsome

How is the world so fearsome, what exactly is the future like for you? Add some meaning to these words.


Rhyming:
Poetry does not have to rhyme. Well, of course you know that. However, I feel rhyming can sometimes limit words for unexperienced poets, and it's overall better to have your meaning out clearly in a beautiful manner than to limit your poem and words to words that rhyme with each other.

Punctuation:
It's nice to use punctuation in poetry! Don't be shy. Yes poetry is more lenient towards punctuation than prose, but poetry can be more more powerful if punctuation is used in a correct manner.
Read this article on poetry and punctuation. It's written by a YWS member, and is extremely helpful.


So there's potential in your poem. Nice rhythm, and a great idea you have there. Add some descriptive language and some punctuation and you're good to go! Oh and capitalize that 'i' towards the end.

Hope this was helpful. PM me if you have any questions.
-Zehra

Nice enough, but not a poem that reaches out and grabs the reader by the throat.

A few things to remember:

1. Punctuation. Poetry needs punctuation as much, if not more than, prose, to give the reader a guideline for meaning and reading out loud. Fortunately, punctuation in poetry is exactly the same (more or less) as punctuation in prose. You need to go through and add full stops, commas etc. where they are required.

2. Rhyming. Either you got it, or you don't. At this point, the poem is made awkward and convoluted by you trying to keep it to the rhyming and I think it would be better served as free verse.

3. You have a very interesting concept which you need to explore more. You really don't give the reader an accurate understanding of why you (the poet) looked back. Yes, you tell us that you wanted to say goodbye to those who helped you, but...that's all we get. Try to involve the reader more, perhaps by invoking the senses, using imagery, literary devices and so on. There are some great tutorials around if you need help, or you can just PM a friendly reviewer - we don't mind questions

Above all, try to keep things original. That means exploring your ideas and presenting them as yours, not using the words other people have been using about the same concepts for generations. In this instance, I suggest brainstorming. Question yourself. What path is the poet walking down? Why must s/he say goodbye? What happens if/when s/he looks back - does someone turn into a pillar of salt? Give us some context and something to hold onto, and your poem will be much improved for it.

Hope that helps!

Cheers,
~bubbles