Suicide is another's thought of thier own homicide

Suicide is a little boy wrapped in grey
All he does is walk around and thrive
Upon other’s thoughts of their own homicide
And waits for the perfect moment to appear
And he does what he may
Yet he gives no drive
And then when that person goes over the edge of their mind
Or cant take the blasphemy that life graciously gives
A sad non-soul he is
Others committing their own murder again and again
And the boy just smiles
He makes people blind
nothing does he hide behind

He sits and waits upon life’s corner stones
And he does whisper
Like all little boys do
He makes skin crinch and rattles certain bones
He answers to no mister or mam
Though death gets annoyed
When a flower is not yet in bloom and suicide picks it eagerly
Does not even make it into a simple jam
And shoves it viciously down it’s own throat


And the other flowers soon fade
And notice the missing piece
The magical pattern they once made
Soon thorns arise in sums
And make sure that everyone feels them not including one
And that is the little boy wrapped in gray.
No debt does he pay.

Intense. At first I was wondering where this poem was going but I ended up loving the analogy. Creepy little boys. Grr!

You handle the extended metaphor very well, and this is an interesting piece. You have some good imagery, such as;
"Suicide is a little boy wrapped in grey"
and
"He sits and waits upon life’s corner stones."

and

"Does not even make it into a simple jam".

I'd add more punctuation. I'll go through the poem now in a minute and suggest some punctuation, but here's a little tip for future reference: When I'm trying to decide how to punctuate a piece, I read it aloud, and listen to how I'm reading. You can't go through a poem of this length orally with only full stops at the end without getting breathless, so, when you need to take a breath, add a full stop or a comma. A comma works well as a slight pause, which will build suspense, while the full-stop will be more final, and will also allow you to move clearly between thoughts. Here's one way that you could punctuate:

"Suicide is a little boy wrapped in grey.
All he does is walk around and thrive
Upon other’s thoughts of their own homicide,
And waits for the perfect moment to appear
And he does what he may
Yet he gives no drive .
And then when that person goes over the edge of their mind
Or cant take the blasphemy that life graciously gives
A sad non-soul he is .
Others committing their own murder again and again
And the boy just smiles ;
He makes people blind
nothing does he hide behind .

He sits and waits upon life’s corner stones
And he does whisper
Like all little boys do .
He makes skin crinch and rattles certain bones,
He answers to no mister or mam
Though death gets annoyed
When a flower is not yet in bloom and suicide picks it eagerly,
Does not even make it into a simple jam
And shoves it viciously down it’s own throat .

And the other flowers soon fade
And notice the missing piece
The magical pattern they once made .
Soon thorns arise in sums
And make sure that everyone feels them not including one
And that is the little boy wrapped in gray.
No debt does he pay."

"Crinch" is a typo, "cant" needs an apostrophe, and you don't need any apostrophe for "it's own throat", as "it's" is always "it is." If you click "check spelling" above your posting box before you post it will catch typos for you.

You twist the syntax in places, for example;
"A sad non-soul he is", and I think it sounds a bit forced and isn't really necessary.

The idea behind this is a fascinating one, but I would try to add more imagery and to elaborate. For example, how does he "walk around", what is he whispering? Why is he not answering to anyone? Is he angry or sullen or merely brazen?

An enjoyable read overall.

I hope this helps.

Jas

Edited to add a rating. Please remember to rate your work correctly in the future.

Cheers,
~bubbles

Wow, i loved it. The imagery of suicide being a little boy is great =)

the idea of the little boy is interesting and i liked it, but not 100% original, little varitation of the little girl or boy of horror or the black dog of depression, the twisted portrayal of a figure of innocence. "Nothing does he hide behind" is an odd line, we're all guilty of poetic language or yoda talk now and then but in reality it is a creation of form and rhyme that I dont feel works particularly well in this case.

Im quite critical of this kind of writing because has been cliched but in places you have created a very good piece, I do like the metaphors that you have used, especially "He sits and waits upon life’s corner stones". The second and the final stanzas i believe are much better than the first and the ending is very good indeed, for all except that i think the last line would sound much better if it was iambic, such as "no debt does he repay", it would come across much more punchy and lasting.

A good effort, im now certainly going to read some of your other pieces and I hope to find some that are on other kinds of topics just because I would like to see how you vary.