F**K IT ALL (Death Metal)

(Roar)
(Fuck you all!)
[Heavy melody]
They try to put me down!

(Calm)
You can’t let me be what I want to be
I want to live free
But you continuously rip my veins
You leave me in my suit full of blood stains

(Roar)
Fuck you all!
Fuck this world
Fuck everything they told you!
It’s what they do!
Don’t fuck around with them!
Complete your dreams!

They only work as a team!

(Calm)
I try to ignore
But they want to continue the war
Over and over again they pour mud…
In my blood


(Roar)
Fuck you all!
Fuck this world
Fuck everything they told you!
It’s what they do!
Don’t fuck around with them!
Complete your dreams!
[Heavy Melody]

They will try to kill your inner emotions!
Don’t let them stop you with their pity commotions!
Stand up for yourself, for your friends!
Don’t let them win the haunts!
Those sorry ass cunts!
Do what you think is good!
Complete your might!
Win the fight!

(Calm)
The voice in me is the command
I will listen to it no matter where I stand
Do what you are good at….
Do what you are pleased about….

(Roar)
Fuck you all!
Fuck this world
Fuck everything they told you!
It’s what they do!
Don’t fuck around with them!
Complete your dreams!
YEA!!!!!!

Okay, your song here, it's kind of extreme. I'm no that good with lyrics, but they're similar to poems. I have to say at the beginning that this conveys strong emotion, but the use of curses is a bit too much, I think. And the rhythm and flow is a bit off. Example:

They will try to kill your inner emotions!
Don’t let them stop you with their pity commotions!
This line breaks the rhythm, and the rhyme doesn't flow well. Make the line shorter.
Stand up for yourself, for your friends!
Don’t let them win the haunts!
Those sorry ass cunts!
Do what you think is good!
Complete the right Um sorry, but I don't get this line.
Win the fight!

Your rhymes sound forced at places, and the structure of this is odd. Some lines are really long, and some are too short. Try to even it out a little.

Hi, hi...

My dear, i loved those lyrics, i love the way how it was punctuated, those lyrics had rythem you were feeling the vibes when you read those lyrics...


Thouugh it had some minor faults that my friend has pointed out.

They will try to kill your inner emotions!
Don’t let them stop you with their pity commotions!
This line breaks the rhythm, and the rhyme doesn't flow well. Make the line shorter.
Stand up for yourself, for your friends!
Don’t let them win the haunts!
Those sorry ass cunts!
Do what you think is good!
Complete the right Um sorry, but I don't get this line.
Win the fight!

I didn't see any changes made to them...


it was beautiful...

I really liked this. I'm not really the heavy metal type but I could really hear this song in my head. The lyrics felt really real to me. This whole thing was very well-written.
Nice job! Gold star for you!

-Carly

This song was... a bit extreme I might say. It feels really, really angry, but I think that's what you try to achieve here. Some of the rhyming is off, and a few lines feel forced.

But you over and over rip my veins

this is one example, it sounds weird and you can't help but get the feeling the line was forced to fit in.

They will try to kill your inner emotions!
Don’t let them stop you with their pity commotions!
Stand up for yourself, for your friends!
Don’t let them win the haunts!
Those sorry ass cunts!
Do what you think is good!
Complete the rite!
Win the fight!

I liked this part the most, it rhymed better than most of the song, and felt less forced.

Like I said, this was a really angry song, but I think it was supposed to be. Still, this isn't my style of music, but I believe you did well for a song of that type. Keep on the good work Robert