Love Blossoms and Shatters

Love Blossoms and Shatters

New love blossoms and blooms
The sweetest flower
So delicate, so fragile
And if you ever let it spill
From your cupped, protecting hands
Let it shatter without remorse

Why should I care
When you don’t love me?
Why should you have the power
To hurt me?
And why is it
That my heart cries out to you
Each time I feel you near me.

New love blossoms and blooms
The sweetest flower
So delicate, so fragile
And if you ever let it spill
From your cupped, protecting hands
Let it shatter without remorse

As you wander down that other path
Where your girls can have you at last.
I think of all the time we spent together,
In each other’s arms forever.
So don’t cry to me
When someone breaks your heart you’ll see.

New love blossoms and blooms
The sweetest flower
So delicate, so fragile
And if you ever let it spill
From your cupped, protecting hands
Let it shatter without remorse

Tears stream down my face
As I read your love notes once written to me.
I know that what we had was special,
But it makes it harder letting go.
I don’t want our past affections
Clouding what the future beholds.

New love blossoms and blooms
The sweetest flower
So delicate, so fragile
And if you ever let it spill
From your cupped, protecting hands
Let it shatter without remorse

New love blossoms and blooms

The sweetest flower

Take out "and blooms" and put a comma. In the second line in the beginning put "Growing" When you use blossoms and bloom so close together it makes it redundant.

Let it shatter without remorse

"Let it shatter" does not make sense with the above lines in your poem. Just simply say, "It will shatter without remorse."

When you don’t love me?

Just say, "You don't love me" You keep the rest of the lines short in this stanza, so, do it to this one.

Why should you have the power

New love blossoms and blooms

The sweetest flower

Once again, The blossoms and blooms. get rid of "Bloom" and put a dash. the dash will put in a pause that would work well. In the second line in the beginning put "Grows"

Let it shatter without remorse

Again, "It will shatter without remorse"

As you wander down that [s]other[/s] path

When someone breaks your heart you’ll see.

Put in a comma or dash after 'heart' the pause will make it sound better for 'You'll see'

But it makes it harder letting go.

'Letting' should be 'To let'

Okay, so while I didn't like the repetition of those stanzas, I liked this poem. Maybe you could change around the repeating stanzas I mentioned, then, The whole poem would be better!


My Pleasure,


---Jon---

Hm...hm...

I thought that this poem was pretty good, but you should avoid the repetition of stanzas. It works in songs, but not poems. Repetitions can bore the reader.

Also, you should add punctuation. It makes the poem flow better.

Anyway, I thought that you did a good job. You have a nice concept there. Like wisemann said, take away the repeating stanzas and the poem would be better.

Keep up the good work, and keep writing!

Hmm...

Well I definetely think you have something here with the theme of your poem, it is similar to a poem I recently wrote and posted, Bloom of the Rose, but it's different in a nice way. Great minds think alike I guess. Hm...see if you can find my post, I'm curious as to your feeling on it.

Anyway, work on punctuation. Not only the flow, but the meaning of the poem was distorted because of punctuation or, in certain areas, a lack thereof. I got a feeling of your own voice, your own feelings, throughout the poem, which is a really good thing. You're writing with honesty and feeling, I can't stress how important that it, if one isn't honest with what they're writing it shows.

In time I can see this becoming something truly special.

Joyous.

PaperMoon

Thank you everyone for reviewing!

wiseman- Thank you for pointing that out to me. I'll look back on my work.

Lil_Pau- I was actually thinking if I should repeat the stanzas, because I had something different to begin with that may have been better, but I decided to switch it out last minute. Next time I'll just keep it out.

PaperMoon- Punctuation is really what I need help on. I'm terrible at it when it comes to poetry.

oooh! Great poem! I'll just write a tiny bit. I have a suggestion to fix the stanza repeating... Just have it at the beginning and as the last stanza. make everybody happy Very heart-felt and deep, and next time tell me when you post something new!

~moonlight