Greatest Illusions

I give you one nightmare, a mirage and a daydream in that order.
(three poems following three dreams that occured to me in the past)

1. Windmills Edge

I am walking through barren country.
my heart heavy with remorse.

I am soon overtaken by a shadow from the stratosphere.

I look up to find that I am being accosted by an immense raven.
Gliding through incandescent miasma on black angels wings.

It's claws rend open the flesh upon my back and fall to the earth.

Paralyzed.

A flood of multi-legged abominations spring up from the earth
swarming my body
in order to partake in the fluid gushing forth from my spine.

my body is lost but the nightmare hasn't ended.

Ethereal winds blown from the black luster rose lips of the Nether Queen
fly down from the moon and tear my butterfly of a soul from its corpse cocoon.

Though emancipated from the living, I am now incarcerated amongst the dead.

all for I have sinned.

my soul is delivered unto the churning blades of the devils windmill
by these howling winds
and it is torn asunder.

leaving the fragments for the worms.

and in this, I feel at peace

for I have sinned.

2.Flipside Earth

I walk upon the surface of an Earth turned outside-within.

To look upwards is to look inwards.

the former skin of the earth revolves around the moon.
The moon is a marble within a raindrop for the Oceans have risen
to meet the gravity's embrace.

Sunlight rises up from the ground,
emanating from beneath the rocks, from below the sands, from the feet of the mountains.

all to reflect off of the forever full moon that is our new sun.

it shines blue for the seas will be its liquid cloak for eternity.

Though this world is broken
I love it, for it is still my home.

even if I need a shovel to see the stars
even if I can swim upon the moon
even if the mountain summits are empereal halos.

3.My Name is Gibson

I am a guitar
electric at that.

My arteries and veins are strings
tuned for carrying my mellifluous blood that is a melody.

My mind is the sound system
The speakers sprout my wings
carry my sound throughout the hearing world.

delivering man the song of my reverberating heart.

which is the hand of God

gently strumming.

Monument Soul wrote:I give you one nightmare, a mirage and a daydream in that order.

Windmills Edge

I am walking through barren country.
my heart IS heavy, with remorse.

I am soon overtaken by a shadow from the stratosphere.

I look up to find that I am being accosted by an immense raven,
Gliding through incandescent misma on black angels wings. What's misma?

It's claws rend open the flesh upon my back and fall to the earth.

Paralyzed.

A flood of multi-legged abominations spring up from the earth
swarming my body
in order to partake in the fluid gushing forth from my spine. You have too big jump here. It sounds better without the last verse.

my body is lost but the nightmare hasn't ended.

Ethereal winds blown from the black luster rose lips of the Nether Queen
fly down from the moon and tear my butterfly of a soul from its corpse cocoon.

Though emancipated from the living, I am now incarcerated amongst the dead.

all for I have sinned.

These winds howling my conviction
carry my soul unto the blades of the devils windmill
which tear it asunder. This sounds bad.

leaving the fragments for the worms.

and in this, I feel at peace

for I have sinned.

Why did you post three poems? I didn't see any connections between the first one and the last.... What are you getting by messing with the captions??

Monument Soul wrote:I give you one nightmare, a mirage and a daydream in that order.
(three poems following three dreams that occured to me in the past)

1. Windmills Edge

I am walking through barren country. (is there really a period there? Remove the period.)
my heart heavy with remorse.

I am soon overtaken by a shadow from the stratosphere.(Lovely)

I look up to find that I am being accosted by an immense raven.
Gliding through incandescent miasma on black angels wings.

It's claws rend open the flesh upon my back and fall to the earth.(And fall to earth? Shouldn't that be 'and I fall to earth'? or if you're talking about the raven and not you 'and falls to earth'?)

Paralyzed.

A flood of multi-legged abominations spring up from the earth
swarming my body
in order to partake in the fluid gushing forth from my spine.

my body is lost but the nightmare hasn't ended.

Ethereal winds blown from the black luster rose lips of the Nether Queen
fly down from the moon and tear my butterfly of a soul from its corpse cocoon.(Two really powerful lines. Strong immagery here.)

Though emancipated from the living, I am now incarcerated amongst the dead.

all for I have sinned.

my soul is delivered unto the churning blades of the devils windmill (devil's, with an apostrophe)
by these howling winds
and it is torn asunder.

leaving the fragments for the worms.

and in this, I feel at peace

for I have sinned.

2.Flipside Earth

I walk upon the surface of an Earth turned outside-within. (I faintly remebered optics here. You know in physics, those refraction of light stuff that causes mirages.)

To look upwards is to look inwards.

the former skin of the earth revolves around the moon.
The moon is a marble within a raindrop for the Oceans have risen
to meet the gravity's embrace. (I love these lines. Gravity's embrace. Absolutely pretty.)

Sunlight rises up from the ground,
emanating from beneath the rocks, from below the sands, from the feet of the mountains.

all to reflect off of the forever full moon that is our new sun.

it shines blue for the seas will be its liquid cloak for eternity.(this line was very confusing. I would suggest you reword this somehow)

Though this world is broken
I love it, for it is still my home.

even if I need a shovel to see the stars
even if I can swim upon the moon
even if the mountain summits are empereal halos. (Amazing end.)

3.My Name is Gibson

I am a guitar
electric at that.

My arteries and veins are strings
tuned for carrying my mellifluous blood that is a melody.

My mind is the sound system
The speakers sprout my wings
carry my sound throughout the hearing world.

delivering man the song of my reverberating heart.

which is the hand of God

gently strumming.

No qualms on your last poem. It was great.

The problems I saw in these poems were punctuation and a few awry words here and there. I don't punctuate well either but the excess periods found in your poems made the flow a little choppy.

Your usage of words on the other hand, for me, was faltering between amazing and overkill. Sometimes it fit well, sometimes it was just too much to put into a line.

Anyway, all in all, the three poems were amazing. Imagery was all really strong. I really liked these. Keep writing.

--Knightly

Monument Soul wrote:
3.My Name is Gibson

I am a guitar,
electric at that.

My arteries and veins are strings
tuned for carrying my mellifluous blood that is a melody. Too long.

My mind is the sound system;
The speakers sprout my wings
AND carry my sound throughout the hearing world.
delivering man the song of my reverberating heart.

which is the hand of God

gently strumming.

Pretty nice personification, but you could be more imaginative (you wrote everything exactly how it is, a little too literally for my taste).