Death's Daughters:Averna

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should i continue?

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first story of a trilogy.The meaning of the title will be explained later in the story.
first chapter

DEATH’S DAUGHTERS:
Averna
Chapter 1

If you look into my eyes you will see the truth and grief, see through my smiles
You’ll see tragedy, my flawless brown skin hides the secrets ,silent secrets of your sins I’ll ignite. Beyond the clouds, I hid my tears .They feared me because of my dark prince ,my friend, who was banished. He asked me to follow, I refused. Now in their hearts they fear my demands. I know their minds will never accept me, they’ll never understand. They fear I will follow him. Before he left he told me “If you stay, then, on your own you can make it, survive alone ‘cause I know you can take it.” He was wrong , I could no longer take their glances nor their blames. I flew away, ran away but they hunted me with fire, they wanted to burn me, would my punishment be worse than that of my dearest. I managed to hide from their taunting eyes. If you ask of me they will say I never lived, I never died. In time they erased my life, they denied my existence.

Am I to be forgotten forever? NO. To those who have forgotten me, I will remind you. To those who know not of me , I will show you Averna.

My prince wasn’t the only reason. I was a Nephidir, one born of a titan and an Olympian god, many despised what I was. Many called me a Halfling.

But in time I was called by my real name Averna, ‘cause they feared the power my prince gave to me even if they did not know the power. I was cast down by Zeus like my Akins “The titans”, but I was cast down on earth . I feel that soon I will wake. My mother was the Ice goddess Shiva and My father was the god of death Thanatos. Why a Halfling you ask?, My mother wasn’t born a goddess like the rest, she was mortal at first. To make it worse she was a second generation Titan. Like most of the Titans she was banished to Tartaros.

I have rested for so long that now I only see darkness. I Fear that I have forgotten how to use your gift of sight my dearest friend, Prometheus, the only one who cared after my dark prince left.
I just hope that I will wake soon because I feel my heart growing colder by the day. I fear that my heritage is reclaiming me. I do not want to be a frozen deity like many of my ancestors. I do not want to lose the last of my emotions.

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Years passed , no, millenniums passed since Averna’s rest. Zeus had lost his place as supreme god and the territories were divided. Rest assured all did not fall into chaos, It is true many gods were destroyed the territorial division war but in the end a treaty was made and everyone stayed in their territories. But still Zeus controlled one of the three largest territories, so if he ever started a war with another empire he would surely win, but luckily for the small empires the two other territories are not on good terms with Zeus, Let alone each other. If he were to attack ,the other two would interfere. The gods of the two other territories are:
Ares, the god of war and
Thanatos, the god of death.

Sadly everyone knew that the peace would soon be broken. Thanatos had been greatly injured during the second Titanomachia, yes there was a second one and it was the cause of the fall of Olympus. The gods were no longer Invincible since the fall of Olympus, Immortal? Yes. If Thanatos were to “die” as many believed, the balance of power would be lost and the treaty would be broke because Ares unlike Athena, hated peace and love and the whole idea of it, he loved and made wars.
Everyone feared that but if they knew better, they would know that Zeus coming to power is nothing compared to what would really happen after Thanatos’ chooses his successor, The new God/Personification of death.

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Author: Should I continue or not?
Last edited by Mina Crescent on Sat Mar 21, 2009 6:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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"
If you look into behind my eyes you will see the truth and grief, see through my smiles"

You should get rid of "behind" it makes more sense.

There are a few grammar errors you should fix.
Also, where exactly are you going with this? Maybe it's simply to early for this story to have a plot, but I don't really understand much of it.

Yes, the greek gods and all of that is very interesting don't get me wrong, but I don't get it. What has it got to do with the title?

You should fix the ending, however I must congartulate you on a most excellent beginning (apart from the grammar mistakes) . It was mysterious and it made me want to read more and the language was beautiful.

To answer your question, you should definately keep on writing more of this. Only maybe, some of the things you wrote now you could mention later in the story , or something like that.




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This sounds very interesting! I've never heard of Hades (also known as Pluto and/or Dis) having children. Proserpina/Persephone was one of the only goddesses without children.

Also, you have a little bit of a problem with your punctuation. When you type a period or comma in a sentence, you don't need to put a space before it -- the space should come after the word.

For example (this is the correct way!):

Cally, my best friend, waved for me to come sit next to her. I went over to the stands where she was sitting.

This is how you are typing it:

Cally ,my best friend ,waved for me to come sit next to her .I went over to the stands where she was sitting.

Does that help some?

PM me if you have any questions.

Hope this helped,
Sakura
Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris?
nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.
-Catullus, Carmen 85



Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
— Albert Einstein