The Fairy's Gift (Edit I)

Jessica stirred when sunlight filtered through her curtains and landed on her closed eyes. She yawned and got up, her head still spinning from her dream. She hadn’t dreamed like that in ages. Not with actual characters and voices, usually her dreams were just jumbles.

Hrmm.
There's something about this I just don't like.
Take the first line. Your first line is there to draw in your reader, by making them think, or making them see a picture. You're starting with a Named character waking up because the sunlight hit her face. Not the strongest opening, in my opinion.
I also don't like the 'and got up,'. It seems a little oversimplified. It leaves no image, and is a rather bland way to describe the action.
And the last line, it doesn't actually make sense by itself. Maybe re-write as-
She hadn't dreamed like that in ages, with characters and voices. Usually her dreams were just jumbled events.

She was still puzzling over it as she went to get the mail. When Jessica opened the front door, there was a bagful of hundred dollar bills on the front step. Her head spun again. She gripped the doorframe for support. Who had done this? Why was it there?

Bam! You hit us with info. There is no showing to this, there's no real picture in my head, and her reaction is a little stiff. Have her almost fall over the bag, or something. Otherwise this has a 'list' feel. You're merely stating each thing that happens, with little insight into the character or the surroundings. Once she is aware of it, the first thought would be disbelief, confusion. She would most likely touch it and check it before coming to the conclusion it really was a bag full of hundred dollar bills. *Then* she would wonder who it came from, and what she should do. Take it to the police? Spend it? leave it? Ask around the neighborhood?

It was still fresh in her mind, just as fresh as any memory. But maybe it hadn’t been a dream. Maybe, it had actually happened.

Blaugh. This little phrase has been used too often, worded differently each time. I would just cut it out, let the reader come to this conclusion for themselves.

Woah...um, would you randomly dance with a bunch of strangers? In the middle of the woods? I would be wary, and hesitant to approach. Most people would, I think.

Hrmm. This isn't my favourite story of yours, Rosey dear. It seems a little stiff, and unnatural. We know very little about the MC, which makes her hard to relate to. The descriptions are lacking, I feel.
Hrmm.... It could be improved with more refined descriptions, clearer actions, and more realistic reactions from your MC. She seems to have very little emotional reaction until right at the end, where I would be freaking out. Having your head messed with is scary. She seems to take everything a little cooly.

Anyway, good luck for the contest. Tell me how you get on.

-Nutty

There's nothing I can really add to this, though I didn't see any mistakes when I went through. ^-^ It was a really original and wonderful piece. I loved it!
I have to say, I was suprised when I found out she'd been gone a whole week. After dancing for so long, she must've needed a lot of rest.
Good job!!!

Saph

Hey, Rosey! I'm the guest judge for the February 2009 CIA contest! This is the first complimentary critique out of two that comes along with entering the contest. The other will be given by JFW1415. Anyway, so I'm going to go through the story first, and then I'll give you an overall afterward. Sounds good?

Jessica stirred when sunlight filtered through her curtains and landed on her closed eyes. She yawned and got up, her head still spinning from her dream. She hadn’t dreamed like that in ages.

Nutty said somewhere up there before that this wasn't exactly the best way to begin the story. I must agree. I like the elements of mystery you have here, but you still give us a bit too much information here. Don't tell us who the main character is right away. Give us a little bit to wonder. It helps to keep the reader's interest intact!

Not with actual characters and voices, usually her dreams were just jumbles

The use of the word 'characters' in this sentence is odd. I don't refer living people, even in dreams, as characters. I think that perhaps you should just replace that with 'people'.

She was still puzzling over it as she went to get the mail. When Jessica opened the front door, there was a bagful of hundred dollar bills on the front step

In the first sentence, you think she's already walking outside to get to the mail. In the second sentence, she's only just opened the door. Being the reader, I was a little confused at first. I had to read it over a second time before I understood. You may want to change it to "Jessica was still puzzling over it as she slipped on her shoes to go get the mail. When she opened the front door, there..."

Who had done this? Why was it there?

Because this is presumably Jessica thinking, it should be in present tense. Who has done this? Why is it here?

Jessica tapped her head, trying to get her brain to work.

I don't know if you do this, but this action seems a little unrealistic. I've never known anyone who taps their head when they're trying to get their brain to work. A more realistic action could be rubbing her temples or running a hand through her hair.

Jessica remembered walking home late, grumbling about her college prof and the work

Spell out 'professor'. It'd be all right if it was in 1st person and that's the way she talks. But since it isn't, I think it'd be better if you just took it out.

the dean that insisted she take Fine Art

'Art' should be capitalized.

A drink. He’d given her a drink. Jessica took it, and as soon as a few drops touched her throat things became a blur.

Take out the 'He'd given her a drink' part. There's really no need to emphasize the fact that she got a drink, since you told us already in the sentence previous. Also, put a comma between 'throat' and 'things'.

Feeling slightly more awake Jessica checked the number of messages.

Comma between 'awake' and 'Jessica'.

A smile spread across her face. She only knew of one group that could change money into leaves. Jessica laughed, realizing who the people in the woods had been.
Fairies.

How could she have jumped to that conclusion so quickly? I would have never instantly thought "Oh, the fairies came and gave me money!" I think you should leave hints throughout the story that indicate who the people in the forest was. And then give a rational explanation as to why it was the fairies.

But anyway. Enough of that!
_______

Overall:

I think the story was a little rushed. It was good, not much wrong, but it seems like you could have spent a little more time on it. For example. Jessica's character was really... bland. There was nothing that made her special. Nothing that made me like her, or feel attached to her. Is she a dreamer? Does she like fantasy? Dragons, fairies, witches? That might be a logical reason why she would be so willing to accept that the people she had danced with were actually fairies. Make her real; make her believable!

The bit when you go on to explain the night she sees the dancing people is really confusing. I mean, the actual writing is clear, but it's very unclear if that actually happened or if it was all just in the dream. Because you said previously that the dream was like a memory, or maybe it could have been. So I don't know if this actually happened or not. You should probably clarify whether or not she actually remembers doing it, or if this is just what she dreamed.

All in all, however, this is very well written with only a few minor mistakes. I like the fantasy aspect you gave to the contest entry. It was a nice touch! I wish you good luck on the outcome!

-Holly

Hey!

First, awesome storyline. It was a pretty good idea overall, and the way you made the fairies not little, but people-sized was very imaginative. It was a little bit russhed in the beginning, but that's okay. Just keep writing and that wil work itself out. Some of the tenses were a little off, but otherwise, awesome job! Keep it up.

Vet

This is one of the two complimentary critiques you get for entering CIA's money contest. The other will come from Bittersweet, CIA's guest judge.

Aww, that was such a sweet story! I wish I could be swept up by fairies for a whole week!

Anyways, my main problem with this story came at the beginning. It was all so fast – open door see money be shocked bring it inside yay money! Just slow down a little – or a lot! Let us see her reaction to the money for a bit. Let her brew some coffee, yawning, thinking over her dream, then go outside. Stretch it out. Build the suspension.

Also, paint a slightly prettier picture with the fairies. Right now, you're kind of showing them as drunks or druggies – it sounds awful. Make it a little less mystical – make her a little more knowledgeable.

Finally, the fact that she suddenly knows they're fairies at the end bothers me. At least let us see how mischievous they are during the dream. Lead up to it a bit more so we're not so shocked.

PM me for anything!

~JFW1415