If You Want Me

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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 10
[c] If it's a letter
You want
I'll write it now
If it's a song
I'll sing it loud
If it's attention
I'll be around
And if it's space
You need
I'll fly to the moon
Hoping to come back
And rescue you
But that's only
If you want me

[v1] Monday morning
Monday morning
And i'm thinking
All about you
Monday afternoon
It's the same old thing
Monday evening
Monday evening
And i really
Need to see you

[pre-c] But you're afraid
Of something different
I'm afraid
This could be perfect

[c] If it's a letter
You want
I'll write it now
If it's a song
I'll sing it loud
If it's attention
I'll be around
And if it's space
You need
I'll fly to the moon
Hoping to come back
And rescue you
But that's only
If you want me

[v2] Now i'm hoping you love me
And i'm thinking it
Might be my turn
I think you're perfect
Almost perfect
And maybe i might love you

[pre-c] Don't be afraid
Of something different
I think
This might be perfect

[c] If it's a letter
You want
I'll write it now
If it's a song
I'll sing it loud
If it's attention
I'll be around
And if it's space
You need
I'll fly to the moon
Hoping to come back
And rescue you
But that's only
If you want me

[b] Would you let me take you
Away from here tonight
And i just
Wanna lay by your side
Don't you be afraid
You know
I'll love you forever

[b] And though
It might sound crazy
But would you be my baby?

[c] If it's a letter
You want
I'll write it now
If it's a song
I'll sing it loud
If it's attention
I'll be around
And if it's space
You need
I'll fly to the moon
Hoping to come back
And rescue you
But that's only
If you want me

[c] If it's a letter
You want
I'll write it now
If it's a song
I'll sing it loud
If it's attention
I'll be around
And if it's space
You need
I'll fly to the moon
Hoping to come back
And rescue you
But that's only
If you want me

If you want me too




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 7
Wow.
Beautiful.
Stunning.
You really captured the intensity of the emotion this person has for their love. The formation, the way it flows together from start to finish. I don't think there is anything that I can point out that actually needs fixing or changing. Well done. Definitely deserve this Gold Star :)
"The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong." ~ No idea who originally said it.. XD




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 4
WOW !

this was fan-tas-tic.

i loved how everything just flowed together.


---
And if it's space

You need

I'll fly to the moon

Hoping to come back

And rescue you

But that's only

If you want me
---

i love the space part.

it shows that the person would do anything to give them want they want.

AMAZING.

but at the end of the chorus :

---
And rescue you

But that's only

If you want me
---

i would put a 'too'

after the "If you want me"

it would rhyme better (:




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 290
Reviews 17
Hi, Hi...


I will get straight to the point! i didn't read your poem one reason... No punctuation whats up with that?

Here is some important things to adhere to:-


Punctuation is a set of symbols used in writing to help indicate something about the structure of sentences, or to assist readers in knowing when to change the rhythm or the stress of their speaking. Depending on the style of writing and the language used, punctuation may tend towards one of these purposes more than the other. Common units of punctuation in English and many other languages include the comma, period, apostrophe, quotation mark, question mark, exclamation mark, bracket, dash, hyphen, ellipsis, colon, and semicolon. Each of these units indicates a different thing, and some may have multiple meanings depending on context.

The period or full stop, question mark, exclamation mark, and ellipsis all serve to terminate a sentence. A period is the default terminal punctuation mark, used to end a sentence without conveying any additional meaning. A question mark indicates that the preceding sentence takes the form of an interrogative, and may also be read to change the tone when reading aloud to reflect this. An exclamation mark indicates that the preceding sentence is somehow excited or extremely important, and if read aloud should be given special stress. An ellipsis indicates that some part of the sentence is being omitted; this may be used to refer to a theoretical clause, in which case it usually implies a trailing off of the voice when read aloud, or it may indicate that a real part of the sentence is omitted, often used when quoting long passages or quotations.

The comma is used for a wide range of different purposes in punctuation. In general, it is considered necessary stylistically to have all commas in a sentence serve the same function, to avoid confusion on the part of the reader. A comma may be used to separate units of a sentence such as an introduction or parenthetical thought, to separate items in lists such as this one, to lead a sentence into a quotation, and to separate independent clauses joined by a word such as “and” or “yet”. Commas also have a number of less common uses, too numerous to list in detail.

An apostrophe may be used as punctuation within a word to indicate an omitted letter, as in contractions such as don’t or e’er. It may also be used to show that a noun is possessive, such as in Harry’s name or the Seven Seas’ unrelenting waves.

Quotation marks are used as punctuation to denote quotations within text, or to offset a word or phrase as being an ironic or non-standard usage. The most common type of quotation marks are double quotes, such as: “There is much to like about that,” she said. Or: I wouldn’t say I “missed” work the other day. Single quotation marks, which are a type of punctuation that look similar to an apostrophe, may be used for quotations within quotations, such as in the case of: “As the Bard said, ‘To be or not to be, that is the question,’” He said sagely.

Dashes are used for a number of different purposes, often to link specific things together. A figure dash is used to link numbers together, such as in a phone number. An en dash is used to link things that are within a range, such as page numbers. An em dash is traditionally used to separate a thought from the flow of the sentence – like this – in an almost parenthetical manner. In some modern style guides, the en dash is taking over the em dash’s role of a thought separator in formal writing. A quotation dash is a unit of punctuation which looks approximately the same as the em dash, used to cite a quotation’s source in-text.

Hyphens are punctuation marks which look similar to dashes, but are shorter, and are used to join compound words which haven’t yet become independent words or which are being used adjectivally.

Brackets are used to offset text in some way from the main body. The main type of bracket punctuation used in writing is the parenthesis, with the others being used either to indicate parenthetical thoughts within a set of parenthesis or for specialized usages depending on style.

The colon is a unit of punctuation typically used to introduce a subsequent sentence that is in some way logically linked to the preceding sentence. Therefore, one may find colons serving as punctuation to introduce a list, to offset something that is a consequence of the fact stated in the preceding sentence, or to lead into a quotation.

A semicolon is a unit of punctuation used to link two independent clauses. It is usually used where a period is thought to create too strong a break between the sentences, but a comma is too weak a break. Often, semicolons are also used in place of a comma in lists which use commas for purposes other than offsetting list items, to avoid confusion.
:) KARIBBEANDIVA :)

BY THE GRACE OF GOD WE ALL CAN BECOME GREAT WRITERS.

feel free to make comments, share ideas and give advice.




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 290
Reviews 17
Hi, Hi...


I will get straight to the point! i didn't read your poem one reason... No punctuation whats up with that?

Here is some important things to adhere to:-


Punctuation is a set of symbols used in writing to help indicate something about the structure of sentences, or to assist readers in knowing when to change the rhythm or the stress of their speaking. Depending on the style of writing and the language used, punctuation may tend towards one of these purposes more than the other. Common units of punctuation in English and many other languages include the comma, period, apostrophe, quotation mark, question mark, exclamation mark, bracket, dash, hyphen, ellipsis, colon, and semicolon. Each of these units indicates a different thing, and some may have multiple meanings depending on context.

The period or full stop, question mark, exclamation mark, and ellipsis all serve to terminate a sentence. A period is the default terminal punctuation mark, used to end a sentence without conveying any additional meaning. A question mark indicates that the preceding sentence takes the form of an interrogative, and may also be read to change the tone when reading aloud to reflect this. An exclamation mark indicates that the preceding sentence is somehow excited or extremely important, and if read aloud should be given special stress. An ellipsis indicates that some part of the sentence is being omitted; this may be used to refer to a theoretical clause, in which case it usually implies a trailing off of the voice when read aloud, or it may indicate that a real part of the sentence is omitted, often used when quoting long passages or quotations.

The comma is used for a wide range of different purposes in punctuation. In general, it is considered necessary stylistically to have all commas in a sentence serve the same function, to avoid confusion on the part of the reader. A comma may be used to separate units of a sentence such as an introduction or parenthetical thought, to separate items in lists such as this one, to lead a sentence into a quotation, and to separate independent clauses joined by a word such as “and” or “yet”. Commas also have a number of less common uses, too numerous to list in detail.

An apostrophe may be used as punctuation within a word to indicate an omitted letter, as in contractions such as don’t or e’er. It may also be used to show that a noun is possessive, such as in Harry’s name or the Seven Seas’ unrelenting waves.

Quotation marks are used as punctuation to denote quotations within text, or to offset a word or phrase as being an ironic or non-standard usage. The most common type of quotation marks are double quotes, such as: “There is much to like about that,” she said. Or: I wouldn’t say I “missed” work the other day. Single quotation marks, which are a type of punctuation that look similar to an apostrophe, may be used for quotations within quotations, such as in the case of: “As the Bard said, ‘To be or not to be, that is the question,’” He said sagely.

Dashes are used for a number of different purposes, often to link specific things together. A figure dash is used to link numbers together, such as in a phone number. An en dash is used to link things that are within a range, such as page numbers. An em dash is traditionally used to separate a thought from the flow of the sentence – like this – in an almost parenthetical manner. In some modern style guides, the en dash is taking over the em dash’s role of a thought separator in formal writing. A quotation dash is a unit of punctuation which looks approximately the same as the em dash, used to cite a quotation’s source in-text.

Hyphens are punctuation marks which look similar to dashes, but are shorter, and are used to join compound words which haven’t yet become independent words or which are being used adjectivally.

Brackets are used to offset text in some way from the main body. The main type of bracket punctuation used in writing is the parenthesis, with the others being used either to indicate parenthetical thoughts within a set of parenthesis or for specialized usages depending on style.

The colon is a unit of punctuation typically used to introduce a subsequent sentence that is in some way logically linked to the preceding sentence. Therefore, one may find colons serving as punctuation to introduce a list, to offset something that is a consequence of the fact stated in the preceding sentence, or to lead into a quotation.

A semicolon is a unit of punctuation used to link two independent clauses. It is usually used where a period is thought to create too strong a break between the sentences, but a comma is too weak a break. Often, semicolons are also used in place of a comma in lists which use commas for purposes other than offsetting list items, to avoid confusion.
:) KARIBBEANDIVA :)

BY THE GRACE OF GOD WE ALL CAN BECOME GREAT WRITERS.

feel free to make comments, share ideas and give advice.




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 290
Reviews 17
Hi, Hi...



I am really sorry for sending that review twice...

I am really, really, really sorry
:) KARIBBEANDIVA :)

BY THE GRACE OF GOD WE ALL CAN BECOME GREAT WRITERS.

feel free to make comments, share ideas and give advice.




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 41
I liked it, i do have to agree with the punctuation note that someone made, I was not sure if the next line was a new verse, a pause point or what. I loved it and wish I could sing it, it sounds great and pure. Very sweet and full of love. Thank yoy for sharing!
Scorp
Feel the urge to give some constructive criticism? Why not give it to these stories?

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1298113/Scorpia710




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Gender Female
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little_miss_obsessed wrote:[c] If it's a letter
You want
I'll write it now
If it's a song
I'll sing it loud
If it's attention
I'll be around
And if it's space
You need

I'll fly to the moon
Hoping to come back
And rescue you
But that's only
If you want me

I would write this as 'And if it's space, you need'. It goes with the rest of the phrases better, I think.
I like the way this is written. It's a nice way to start the song :)

little_miss_obsessed wrote:[v1] Monday morning
Monday morning
And i'm ((I'm)) thinking
All about you
Monday afternoon
It's the same old thing
Monday evening
Monday evening
And i really
Need to see you


little_miss_obsessed wrote:[pre-c] But you're afraid
Of something different
I'm afraid
This could be perfect

I like this bridge.

little_miss_obsessed wrote:[v2] Now i'm ((I'm)) hoping you love me
And i'm ((I'm)) thinking it
Might be my turn
I think you're perfect
Almost perfect
And maybe i might love you



I liked these lyrics a lot. They're really nice, sweet lyrics. The only thing is just remember to capitalize those 'I'm's :D
Nice job!

-Carly
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