If we could have every dream

I have wished, hoped,
that this moment could be ours.
Forever, with no pain, no scars.
That time could stand still;
That somehow this could be fate,
and tomorrow could wait.

But time passed running by,
ignoring my hopes and dreams.
And I stand here, tonight
remembering our moments,
like incomplete fantasies.

If we could have every dream,
every wish; own every star,
would you not be so far?

*I'm sorry if this was a terrible read*

beautiful piece!

Only thing I gotta say:

*I'm sorry if this was a terrible read*

This wasn't part of the poem right? So, let's not put it there. =D It's a wonderful piece hun! Dont say those bad things about yourself. Don't apologize for posting something... if you dont feel if it's a good enough piece, then how do you expect us to feel that it is?

*huggles* It's a wonderful piece, so dont apologize for it tays?

Thanks for the review! No, usually when sentences are between ** it means they're author's comments. Again, thanks!

Alright, so, it was certainly not a terrible read! *tsk tsk* Have some confidence.

So, your rhyming was rather sporatic, but I suppose you intended for that? The first stanza has a mixture of concrete rhymes, while the second stanza has a sort of slant rhyme between 'dream' and 'fantasies', and the third line has a concrete rhyme with the last two sentences. I'm not going to tell you that you need to rhyme more consistantly, but I am going to tell you that you might consider a steadying rhythm.

Why? Because, without rhyme, there are only two things holding your poem together: rhythm, and meaning/words. You've got a great concept and great word choice, so you have no issues there, but it's hard for your reader to establish a smooth enough flow when they're reading the poem to themselves. Now, this is easily fixed-- all you have to do is add some syllables or take some syllables out here or there. Just a suggestion, though; some poets prefer an erratic beat to their poems.

But time passed running by,

Either time passed by, or it ran by. Having both makes it a bit of a mouthful and a bit harder to grasp. Unless, of course, you'd like to just insert a comma after 'passed'.

And, in the very last line, should it not say 'we' instead of 'you'? Until then, you've been talking about the two people-- narrator and the person the narrator is writing two-- mainly in connection with each other, using 'we'. I see no reason to change it now.

Good job, and a nice poem! Consider a steadier rhythm for your poem's flow.

~Evi

My favorite line was the one about incomplete fantasies.

This wasn't terrible at all! It was really a nice read. I like the message conveyed throughout the poem. The rhyming was a little awkward though. Remember, poems don't need to rhyme. For me, I prefer to write free verse, because if you try to rhyme, you might end up creating something dreadfully forced.

Don't give up! This poem has potential.
Keep writing!