I wonder...

I’m dancing over the others
I must tread lightly and not disturb
Their thoughts their thoughts their thoughts
They’re thinking and too much thinking
To think about me. I must not step on them.

I’m lost in this world of them
They are shutting their eyes and thinking
But I am dreaming dreaming dreaming
I am dreaming too much to think
And they say why? I must speak lightly.

I am wondering about them now
Why do you dream? Dreaming gets you
Nowhere gets you nowhere gets you nowhere
You must think, too much dreaming
You will get nowhere.

Dancing through their tense
Minds. I wonder then I walk I watch
I walk quiet quiet quiet
I watch and wonder and try to figure
Out their worries. I wonder

They seem to think I must
Be like them and be worried
About my future about my future about my future
To be successful but I know
I can be different and still succeed.

You do not have to be like them
To walk through life and I smile and I
Float I float I float
And they worry and I wonder
Why the do not float like me.



Be as harsh as you wish!

I just wrote this in about five minutes, but it does accurately express how I have been feeling lately. I guess this poem has been in "development" for a while inside my head.

-Cassie

First of all I was a bit confused on how I was meant to read this, without any puntuation at the end of most of the lines; but then I realised you're meant to read it fast so sorry about that!

Anyway, here is the review:

I’m dancing over the others
I must tread lightly and not disturb
Their thoughts their thoughts their thoughts
They’re thinking and too much thinking (This line dosen't read very well. You might want to take out the "and")
To think about me. I must not step on them.

I’m lost in this world of them
They are shutting their eyes and thinking
But I am dreaming dreaming dreaming
I am dreaming too much to think
And they say why? I must speak lightly. (It's probably just me, but I really don't understand this bit)

I am wondering about them now
Why do you dream? Dreaming gets you
Nowhere gets you nowhere gets you nowhere
You must think, too much dreaming
You will get nowhere. (I love this stanza)

Dancing through their tense
Minds. I wonder then I walk I watch
I walk quiet quiet quiet
I watch and wonder and try to figure (I don't think two "and"s work here. You might want to take out the first one and put a comma there instead?)
Out their worries. I wonder

They seem to think I must
Be like them and be worried
About my future about my future about my future (This line seems too long, you might want to change it to just one "About my future"s)
To be successful but I know
I can be different and still succeed.

You do not have to be like them
To walk through life and I smile and I
Float I float I float
And they worry and I wonder
Why the (I think you meant "they"?) do not float like me.

Very good poem overall. I'm sorry if the review wasn't that good, I'm not the best at poems!

Hey Cassie! I quite like this - I'm just going to get right into it.

cassie17 wrote:I’m dancing over the others
I must tread lightly and not disturb
Their thoughts their thoughts their thoughts Something about this line, compared to the last two lines bothers me. I think it's because the first two lines are fairly light and breezy and slow and this line feels...heavy and fast, and they don't really mesh.
They’re thinking and too much thinking
To think about me. I must not step on them.
[b]I like this end - especially the last sentence - but "they're thinking and too much thinking to think about me.
I’m lost in this world of them I like this.
They are shutting their eyes and thinking
But I am dreaming dreaming dreaming
I am dreaming too much to think
And they say why? I must speak lightly.

I am wondering about them now
Why do you dream? Dreaming gets you
Nowhere gets you nowhere gets you nowhere
You must think, too much dreaming
You will get nowhere.
I really, really like this.

(I had no suggestions for the rest.)

Overall, I think this was wonderful. The only issue I had is that, as I mentioned above, the whole thing feels a bit rushed, which is not what I would associate with someone dreaming.

Maybe you did that on purpose?

Either way, nice work. Sorry this review wasn't more helpful, but you don't need much.
-Mars