Project Lazurus

Antigone Cadmus · 2009-01-04T20:05:33Z

Alright, so this idea has been in my head for several years. I wrote it an realized it has some similarities the His Dark Materials and Artemis Fowl. Tell me if you see them! I also wrote this two years ago... I found this draft on my computer. ^_^ Thanks! Chapter one Squares of dusty light danced around the library. The air was thick with the smell of ancient paper. Daniel rarely went there. He was a scrawny, emaciated looking boy of ten or eleven with untidy blond hair. Since he worked in the kitchens, there was always the faint smell of flour lingering around him. He found little interest in books, as he could barley read or write, though a scullery maid had taught him his letters. But Daniel- this uneducated servant- had quite an important job: he was responsible for Bobby. Bobby was one of the only occupants in the library. Daniel could see him at a table in the corner. He was hunkered over a giant leather-bound book. Daniel crossed over to him and saw that it was full of complex rune-like lettering. Next to that was a small piece of paper and dozens of other books in strange languages. On the piece of paper was written one of the runes and a single letter- A. “What is it?” snapped Bobby. There were dark circles under his eyes, so Daniel could tell he hadn’t been sleeping. Bobby was thin with dark brown hair and emerald-green eyes. He was tall for his age, and his hair was messy. “Sorry to interrupt-” “You had better be! Do you realize that I’ve been working on this translation for three days, and I’ve only translated A. How far can I get with just one letter?” Daniel knew better than to ask what Bobby was doing- he wouldn’t understand the first word of it. “The Heads want to see you.” “Now? Can’t you see that I’m busy? What’s it about anyway?” Daniel sighed. “I dunno. Probably the same old stuff.” He tapped his head with his index finger. “Ah.” said Bobby with pride. “Intelligence quotient.” “Don’t be obnoxious! Now hurry up so I don’t get yelled at.” Bobby closed the books, and the two then navigated the vast and gloomy corridors together until they reached the meeting hall door. Daniel knocked, called out “Here he is!” and left the Heads to meet with Bobby in private. The room the heads met Booby in was painted a deep blood red. The ceiling was high, but the room itself was narrow and gave one a terrible sense of claustrophobia. There was one large fireplace in the back, but Bobby had never seen it lit. The main furnishing was a long, stained wood table that seemed expensive. The Heads sat in the same order they always did, which was by rank. At the end of the table, the sort of leader of the Heads sat. His name was Merrick and the first thing that was brought to attention when looked at was his eyes. They were a piercing, intelligent gray that felt like daggers when stared into. He was of average height, and had gray hair. He was hard to describe, because although he looked normal, he had such a powerful presence that it was as if he were larger than life itself. Or death. The same was often true of Bobby, but Merrick was the only human who could belittle Bobby. “Bobby,” said Merrick, his voice dripping with a poisoned sweet politeness. “Please have a seat.” “It isn’t as if I have a choice.” Bobby scowled as he took a seat at the back of the long table. All thirteen Heads drilled into him with their cool eyes. “How are your lessons?” asked Merrick. “I haven’t had a lesson in years! I’m too dim, remember?” Bobby scowled again. He suspected that the Heads already knew what he had tried so hard to hide. Merrick’s eyes flashed angrily. “I will not be talked to that disrespectfully!” “Yes, sir.” The other twelve Heads nodded in approval. They wouldn’t talk until they were given Merrick’s permission. “Now, to business. You are aware that your father had an important role here at The Department of Experimental Theology.” “Yes, sir.” Father? Bobby hardly knew his father. He doubted that his father even knew that he had a son. “He ran several expeditions to receive information for us here at The Department.” Several? Bobby could hardly remember what his father looked like. He was gone so often. “Yes, sir.” “Some of them proved to be fatal. Many men died in those expeditions. They were very perilous.” Of course they were perilous! Bobby had been on an expedition twice. He had naturally just been a nuisance to his father. “Yes, sir.” “Your father was very usef… good for The Department. Unfortunately, his last expedition was more dangerous than we anticipated.” So…? “Yes, sir.” He felt like an obedient little puppy. “Bobby, your father isn’t coming back this time.” “Yes, sir.” Bobby parroted automatically. “I’m not quite sure you understand,” Merrick said casually. “Bobby, your father is dead.” Bobby smiled weakly. “Pardon, sir?” “Your father is dead, Bobby. We at The Department are sorry.” “Oh.” That was all Bobby could say. He felt numb, but not sad. Millions of people died everyday and he didn’t care because he hadn’t known them. The same was true of his father. “May I leave now, sir?” “Just go. The Department has better things to discuss than you.” However, Bobby noticed Merrick smile maliciously at his right-hand man, Aetheodore. Bobby got out of the chair, and not bothering to push it in headed for the door. When he shut it behind him he found that Daniel had reappeared. From the look of concern on his face, Bobby knew that he had heard the news. “Are you okay?” Daniel asked nervously. “You told.” “What?” Bobby was steaming. His face had turned a bright crimson red. “You told them!” he seethed. He grabbed Daniel’s arm and pulled him into a deserted hallway. “I didn’t do nothing! Swear!” whimpered Daniel. “You little creep,” Bobby drew his hand into a fist. “You told!” His fist exploded onto Daniel’s face, who shrieked when his nose began to stream blood. “You told!” Daniel shielded his face with his hands. “You’re just angry! Don’t take it out on me!” Bobby dropped Daniel’s arm and ran back to the library where he gathered his papers and books and took them to his room. He didn’t feel guilty that he had hit Daniel, even though now he realized the boy hadn’t revealed his secret. He himself had. Bobby sat on the bed and buried his face in his hands. “Idiot.” he muttered. “Leaving your calculations out! Murmuring about ancient texts and translations!” He fell asleep cursing himself. His mother could help. He would find her first. He would leave soon. Besides, thought Bobby cheerfully. My father’s dead now. He must have left me something. Any normal child would be destroyed at the very thought of being an orphan. Even for children who despise their parents, the comfort of having them is enough to make them regret not having them. But Bobby wasn’t normal. Bobby was a genius. Thanks! Oh, and he really is an orphan. His mother is dead (you find that out in one page). Hence the title.

Hi again. You took my advice on the name thing I see. Works better for you I hope.

Anyways, let me point out an area of trouble.
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“Your father was very usef… good for The Department. Unfortunately, his last expedition was more dangerous than we anticipated.”

So…? “Yes, sir.” He felt like an obedient little puppy.

“Bobby, your father isn’t coming back this time.”

“Yes, sir.” Bobby parroted automatically.

“I’m not quite sure you understand,” Merrick said casually. “Bobby, your father is dead.”

Bobby smiled weakly. “Pardon, sir?”

“Your father is dead, Bobby. We at The Department are sorry.”

“Oh.” That was all Bobby could say. He felt numb, but not sad. Millions of people died everyday and he didn’t care because he hadn’t known them. The same was true of his father. “May I leave now, sir?”
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The point about his father being useful seems odd. Instead of '...' it should be 'usef-' if he cut himself off mid sentence. Why would this word choice be bad? I'd prefer being useful or invaluable over simply 'good'. Halting it makes people more suspicious usually. Give praise to throw off foul play.

The 'So...' part seemed odd. Something got edited and you missed it?

The name 'The Department' should be given a proper name of some importance. You may just be waiting for a name, but I find that self-explanatory ones are more powerful. Just look at the IRS, or the FBI. Two powerful organizations you don't want to be involved with. Even a name like DEA - Department of Expeditionary Affairs. Whatever it does you should put into its name. Makes it more natural as well, they are usually created to do a specific purpose by the government and don't need any misleading acronyms or titles.

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