Dinner: An interior monologue

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Last edited by Rei on Sat Aug 02, 2008 1:52 am, edited 2 times in total.
Please, sit down before you fall down.
Belloq, "Raiders of the Lost Ark"




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Interesting, not bad. It confused me a little, but it's good, I lost track of who was who in some parts, but other than that it's fine.
Cause i'm a one man,
I'm a one man,
I'm a one man,
I'm a one man revolution.




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I thought this idea was a little cliche, but it was extremely well executed. The stream of conscienceness was very well done, and very believeable.

There was a typo at the beginning:

Jamie, get off me shoulder


Should be "my shoulder." Sorry, I'm anal.

-Sarah
"And I am a writer
writer of fiction
I am the heart that you call home
And I've written pages upon pages
Trying to rid you from my bones...
Let me go if you don't love me" ~The Decembrists "Engine Driver"




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Anyone who tells me my work is cliched will have their nose bitten off. I don't care about that, and it really annoys me when people obsess about how original an idea is.
Please, sit down before you fall down.
Belloq, "Raiders of the Lost Ark"




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Gender Female
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I wasn't being negative, really. It was just a thought of mine on the piece.
"And I am a writer
writer of fiction
I am the heart that you call home
And I've written pages upon pages
Trying to rid you from my bones...
Let me go if you don't love me" ~The Decembrists "Engine Driver"




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 685
Yeah, I know. I just see young writers go on and on about whether not something is cliched or not and treat common ideas as though they were venomous snakes. I don't believe in avoiding cliches. I believe in playing with them for all they're worth and doing the best I can with whatever ideas work for what I am trying to do. All I care about is quality of execution.

But thank you for your thoughts, and for pointing out the typo.
Please, sit down before you fall down.
Belloq, "Raiders of the Lost Ark"




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Gender Female
Points 6090
Reviews 1258
The last bit about the lumps made me crack up...if that's not what you want, better change it. :lol:
Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.

- Demetri Martin




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Wow, this is good. Really powerful, and that is how thoughts go when you're worried about something..
Love and Light



Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
— Apple Inc.