Shine

I came up with a line for a song yesterday, and today, I felt like making that one line into a song.

And thus, I bring you "Shine".

***

Just a little conversation
Took a little turn
How was I such a sensation?
She wanted to learn.

I said, girl, just get yourself out
Into your real life.
You’ll learn what it’s all about.
Be rid of all your strife.

With some luck, you’ll fly off the ground
You’ll go way up high.
And you will no longer be bound
To earth, you’ll say goodbye

Yeah, you’ve got to-

Shine like the sun
Just go and run
You’ll go so fast, it’s like you’re shot out of a gun
You’ll be a star when you shine like one
You’ll be a star when you shine like one

Was that all? That was my secret?
This sure sounded hard.
Just listen, you’ll have no regret
Just play this last card.

Remember, with some luck, you’ll fly off of the ground
You’ll go way up high.
And you will no longer be bound
To earth, you’ll say goodbye

Yeah, you’ve got to-

Shine like the sun
Just go and run
You’ll go so fast, it’s like you’re shot out of a gun
You’ll be a star when you shine like one
You’ll be a star when you-

Shine now when you’re way down low,
Don’t worry about that woe…
Soon, you’re shining way up there,
Drawing fans from everywhere…

Shine the sun
Just go and run
You’ll go so fast, it’s like you’re shot out of a gun
You’ll be a star when you shine like one

Yeah, shine like the sun
Just go and run
You’ll go so fast, it’s like you’re shot out of a gun
You’ll be a star when you shine like one
You’ll be a star when you shine like one

Hmm.. interesting. To be honesty, I've never read over a song that this kind of style. It's not that I don't like it though. Don't get that assumption, I think it's pretty good. =) I'm just used to complex songs that just have so many.... big words that flow so lightly and make a big statement. But, over all. I like the message of this song, definitely and I'm sure the rhythym you have with it is awesome.

Hi, here's that review you asked for!

How was I such a sensation?

This line has one too many syllables, you just have to work around that :]

And you will no longer be bound

I think that this should be something like this...

And you'll never be bound

it fits into the rest of the paragraph better. It's also hard reviewing this because I can't get a proper tune going in my head, it just keeps on changing tempo.

Just listen, you’ll have no regret

Hm, is this supposed to rhyme with secret. Say it over, they are pronounced differently in the english language. It's what I hate, the words are spelt the same, but they sound different.

that's all I could find... It was good, but i don't really like reviewing music, because I find it hard to get a constant tempo. Just work on those lines mentioned above ^.^ and It gets my vote!