Birchbark

the prologue and beginning of a story in a series:



Prologue

A cold wind blew through the dark chamber. There was nothing in the cave except a large, reptilian skull. There was no light in the altar, and there was no sound. In fact, many animals would say that it didn’t smell like anything either. The tall, wide walls were completely smooth, and made of a dark rock. If you were to ever enter that room, it would feel like death itself. That is what the maker had in mind. The darkness in the room seemed to go on forever, the endless silence and unnatural smoothness would make all of your senses useless.
Suddenly, the sound of limping footsteps could be heard. It got louder, but the structure of the cave meant that there was no echo, just the sound of the slow footsteps. A light appeared, slowly getting brighter. From around the corner stumbled a small man, shriveled and lame, holding a lantern in his withered hand.
“Master?” he called in his hoarse, raspy voice.
“TURN OFF THE LIGHT!” an enormous booming voice called above him, “YOU IGNORANT TWIT!”
“Sorry Master, I did not mean to hurt you.” He said timidly.
“HURT ME? NOTHING HURTS ME! I AM SKULL, MASTER OF DEATH! THE LIGHT OF A PATHETIC FLAME DOES NOT HURT ME, IT BURNS WHAT LITTLE WEAK ESSENCE I HAVE LEFT! NOW TURN IT OFF!”
“Y-y-yes M-m-master, as you say.” He dosed the light and the chamber was pulled into darkness again.
“Good, now for business…” the voice hissed. The skull in the center of the room began to glow on the inside. It rose, and the skeleton of a dragon rose from the black stone floor. It assembled itself on its own, rising like a living dragon. The small man cowered in the entrance of the chamber, afraid of his master’s wrath.
The dragon’s jaw opened, and a deep, hissing voice came from it. “Hissah, what news do you have? Quickly, I cannot stay like this forever. At least not yet.”
“W-w-well, there have been openings in the Mist…”
“That is good, it means we are on schedule. Where are these openings?” the dragon asked inquisitively.
“They are scattered, and they are not very big, sire. My hand could not fit through. However, they are becoming larger as time progresses.”
“How long do these openings last?” the dragon boomed.
“I-I-I’m not sure, s-s-sire,” the servant stammered, “By the time we reached them, they soon vanished.”
“ You cannot use the teleportation charms?” this question was a dangerous one, as Hissah tried to make himself as small as he could. The dragon leaned his skeletal head towards him. “Well?”
“T-t-t-they do not w-work f-f-fast enough, y-your d-d-darkness. T-t-they do n-n-not act…”
“ENOUGH!” the skeleton roared
“Yes, m-m-master.” Hissah abruptly silenced himself. The dragon growled an unearthly moan.
“Fine, I shall send more spies. At least they do things right.”
“I am s-s-sorry master.” Hissah sputtered.
“And the stones I sent you to place?”
“In position, sire.”
“Good, good. You have at least done one thing right. I ask one more thing: what of the prophecy that has surfaced?”
“Unfortunately sire, the elves are in possession of the prophecy. I no not of the words, other than what we already know.”
The skeletal dragon seemed to think. “The sun and moon shall become as one... WHY CAN’T THE ECLIPSE COME SOONER! HISSAH!”
“Yes, M-m-master?”
“FIND THAT PROPHECY NOW!”
“Y-y-yes, s-s-sire.” Hissah stuttered, and ran out of the room. For a moment, nothing happened. Then the dragon seemed to sigh, and the skeleton sank into the floor. The dark stone floor seemed to be made of quicksand as the white bones sank into the ground, eventually setting the skull on the floor. The skeleton disappeared in the stone, and the room fell into echoless, silence penetrated only by the sound of Hissah’s footsteps and a low, evil laugh.

Awakening

John woke up from his nightmare and sat up. He breathed shallowly, taking quick breaths. He remembered something about a large creature and a skull. He shuddered at the thought of it. The bus rumbled on, and pulled into the parking lot of the school. John shook himself out of the dream and slung his backpack over his shoulder. As he stepped off of the bus, the cold winter air refreshed him.

Hey, urso major nice to meet you.

I don't really do nit picky or grammar reviews. Mainly because I am horrible at grammar lol but I'll try my best to suggest a few things

First off, I didn't really like this line - The darkness in the room seemed to go on forever, the endless silence and unnatural smoothness would make all of your senses useless. - Just for the part where you said YOUR. It felt very odd to me. If it were a film, it would be like someone turning to the camera suddenly and talking to you lol This may be the effect you wanted but It kind of ruined the atmosphere that you were trying to create in the first paragraph. Perhaps you could say 'would make all of the six senses useless'.

Hissah reminded to me was like a cross between Gollum and Igor lol I quite liked him but the dynamic between him and his master was a bit generic and I've seen it before but I do like Hissah.

I also like all the information you elude to in this prologue about this entire world, that the reader doesn't know anything about yet. I liked that.

Now for the Skull, Master of death. I think he is quite an obvious bad guy stereotype, he shouts a lot and he has a minion. My screenwriting teacher told me once, that if you have like a really stereotypical character you can set that off by giving them certain specific characteristics or hobbies. Like we made a character who was a stereotypical mad professor but the played the accordion. Do you see what I mean? I hope so. Also I really like evil characters who don't have to shout or throw their weight around to be evil and scary. The most threatening evil characters to me are ones that speak quietly and don't need to be constantly shouting to make you terrified.

I loved the idea of this kind of dragon skeleton rising up that was pretty cool and as I said before I loved all the detail you put in. I hope you keep writing this because it is quite interesting.

Feel free to PM me if you need any help and also when the next part is up!

Bex

Oh and by the way! Your supposed to have given 2 reviews before you post a piece of work So get on out there and review someone else's work it's nice to be fair.

Thanks!