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LOL that was funny!
So, just wanted to point out something:

Red welts on my arms

when they cut me

out of it. My mother

bit her lip, eyeballed my

disappearing fairy wings,



mouthed over and over:

I did not dress that child.

Is "mouthed over and over:" supposed to have that big gap above? If not, then erase the space, if yes then capitalize Mouthed.
And shouldn't "I did not dress this child" between " "?
I didn't find any grammar mistakes, but something could have slipped.

Anyway, great work. Keep on writing!

Very cool poem. I like it. You have creative mind and you used it 100%

At five I knew who
Marilyn Monroe was,
the turquoise fifties
number, two sizes
too small.

I like this stanza. I love the ideas and the way it is written.
Like *writewatiwant* said: 'I did not dress that child.' Should be written in apostrophe.

All in all: I like it. It is creative and funny. Very amusing and my imagination is lit up. I can see it in front of me. I give it 10/10 lol. I really look forward to read more of your stories/poems etc.

Love, love, love it! as always haha

It reminded me very much of 'Before you were mine' by Carol Anne Duffy (stanza 3) and also 'Homecoming' by Simon Armitage.

I think you might particularly like 'Before you were mine' have a read and see what you think if you haven't come across it before

I also liked your reference to Fisher Price! It fit very well and I really think it helped contribute to the whole tone and feel of the poem. And then last line was perfect. It wrapped the whole thing up so well.

You just continue to impress me every time!

Sofi.

Thankyou so much, everyone who read this. I've reviewed the whole quotes thing. Thankyou!

I really liked the imagery this poem conjured. Very vivid. However, some of it was kind of confusing, like 'At five I knew who

Marilyn Monroe was,

the turquoise fifties

number, two sizes

too small."

I got confused there-what does the two sizes too small mean? or the part about the tourqoise fifties. It doesn't make sense to me. You really had me hooked until then-the confusion took a toll on my interest. readers don't like straining their brains. Maybe it's just that I don't know what that stuff means, but I think you could make it clearer. Very good poem, again. Keep writing!

vox nihili wrote:
I got confused there-what does the two sizes too small mean? or the part about the tourqoise fifties. It doesn't make sense to me.

A 'number' is like a way of saying 'dress' or 'outfit' or something like that, so 'turqoise fifties number,' would be describing what she was wearing as turqoise and in the style of fashion in the fifties.

Thus, 'two sizes too small' would refer to the size of the dress/outfit being two sizes too small.

I think that's what it meant, right Sarah? (Sorry if that's wrong though!)

I hope that helps

Sofi.

Spot on, Sofi. That's exactly what it meant.
Thanks for explaining it, dahling.

x

CastlesInTheSky wrote:First the ruby slippers,
straight from the yellow
brick road, dust still
at the heel.

This is my favorite stanza in the poem, it makes you think of dorothy, but suddenly it's sharply contrasted by the vivid image of ruby slippers clashing violently with a superman shirt.

*LOCKED*

Plagiarism.