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4 posts
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ThienThienThien
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 15
Sat Jan 10, 2009 6:57 pm
ThienThienThien says... · Sat Jan 10, 2009 6:57 pm
Last edited by ThienThienThien on Thu Feb 19, 2009 10:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Woot Woot! I'm Paraskavedekatriaphobic! LOL XD Are You?
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ThienThienThien
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 15
Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:36 pm
ThienThienThien says... · Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:36 pm
Anyone there? Can someone comment, please?
Woot Woot! I'm Paraskavedekatriaphobic! LOL XD Are You?
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CaseySaz
Gender Female
Points 1930
Reviews 17
Sun Jan 11, 2009 3:50 am
CaseySaz says... · Sun Jan 11, 2009 3:50 am
I like it, its cute. Your writing is very detailed-maybe a little too detailed. It can get teadious to read when you put all those lond descriptions in. Try shortening it up a bit. Otherwise, its very good. I don't really like the ending though, its not really a proper ending to a chapter. Analyze a bit more. Good work.
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100xstupid
Gender Male
Points 6066
Reviews 80
Sun Jan 18, 2009 10:38 pm
100xstupid says... · Sun Jan 18, 2009 10:38 pm
My only real pointer is that from the detailed description I assumed that people were being hit my lightening and killed, and having their skull smashed in by the rain. No jokes from me, I'm poker face. I agree with CaseySaz, it gets a little lost in the description.
"As for me, all I know is that I know nothing"
-Socrates
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4 posts


I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights