Midsummer Night's Dream Part 1

I think I better give you a quick overveiw of the characters before you read this, just so that it makes a little more sense.
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Oberon: A very insecure boy who gets his place in life by making his nerdyness more noticeable than it really is by using large words. Very few people actually can understand what he says, but he is still popular due to his relationship with Titania.

Titania: A complete popular girly girl. She tends to be cruel, offhandedly, for fun and pleasure. She is conniving and is used to always getting what she wants. She is the queen of the school.


Prologue
Scene is set in the hallway, Flute is on stage slumped in a corner reading, but as the lights come up Oberon, Titania (holding hands), and her groupies enter making a lot of noise. Flute looks up to watch.

Shelly: Have you heard, about Tom and Sally?

Titania: No! What’s up? What has that traitor of a girl got up to now?

Megan: Well, I heard that over the summer they actually hooked up!

Titania: Oh my gosh! I cannot believe they did that, are they insane? Richard will kill Tom when he finds out! Oh I can’t wait to see the look on Sally’s face when that happens. Somebody needs to bring them down to earth!

Oberon: Giving information as if by speech of conducting lower towards the planet, have you learned by the ear this laughter provoking witticism? I school child of undetermined age quests for the answer of his query with his teacher says inquires, “Is it in the utmost undisputed arena that the law of gravity keeps our human bodies in continual attachment to the ground beneath us?” The instructor of knowledge retorts that that is the case, so the apprentice goes on to test his next query, “What was it that let us remain upon the ground in the absence of that law, that is to say, before the law was passed?”

As Titania and her groupies stare at him Oberon laughs heartily, with the occasional snort. He eventually tires and looks around, not understanding why he is alone in his laughter.

Oberon: Companion? Was that not a line of estimable merriment?

Flute finally getting it, lets out a short snort of laughter in the corner and Oberon’s attention immediately focuses on him. Before he can speak though, Titania takes the opportunity to fill the awkward silence that has developed.

Titania: You! Book worm! What are you laughing at! Did he say something funny! I don’t think so.

Flute: Well actually, it was…

Titania: Did you actually do what I thought you just did? Did you actually try to speak to me! Oh you are so in for it four-eyes, just you wait! Girls, come! I need to get my schedule! Are you coming Oberon?

Oberon: No, but may I put forward one of many conventional expressions used in parting! I… I must converse with somebody near to my personage before I leave this immediate area.

The others share another odd look, and then leave the stage, chattering, Titania with her head held high. Oberon has been looking at Flute with a thoughtful look in his eyes when he whips towards him, grabbing the book that he has returned to reading.

Oberon: You! You understood what I spoke about?

Flute: (thinking for a moment then grabbing the book back) Sure. I bet your friends would to if you toned it down a bit. (he returns to reading)

Oberon: (in a panic) I can’t do that! I mean, my apparatus stored in my head is unable to lower it’s functionings to the level of other human organisms. But you understand the inner workings of my speech! Listen closely to the information which I am about to impart to you. Would you be interested in taking up a post of employment?

Flute: (looking up from his book) What? A job? What kind of job? I guess I could use something else to do with my time.

Oberon: I wish of you that my words be restated into a tone that my peers might understand. I would reward upon you for your efforts a total of 50$ a passing of the sun, while we are in this instructional building.

Flute: 50$! For being your translator! Sure!

Oberon: Then it is settled satisfactorily. I will rendezvous with you at the course group which is on my schedule in the premier slot, as shown here. Join me then and not a short period of time later.

Oberon begins leaving, but Flute calls after him.

Flute: Wait! What is your name! I need to know who I’m working for!

Oberon: I am Oberon.

Oberon exits, leaving Flute dumfounded and staring after him. He sits down to read his book again as the curtain closes.
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This is the first piece of work that I've submitted, so if I've done something wrong in the formatting please tell me! I've read all the guides, but I tend to be cautious. Thanks in advance for any criticism!

Edit: To everyone who tells me I need to tone down Oberon's speech, I know, and am probably working on it as you read this.

Heya -- this immediately caught my eye because I'm in the process of writing my own adaption of A Midsummer Night's Dream. But on reading this, it looks like we're taking it in completely different directions, which is great

I'm very familiar with the source material, so seeing your reinterpretation of the characters really intrigued me. I can definitely see traits from Shakespeare's Titania in yours, which made me smile -- especially your description of her as "conniving and is used to always getting what she wants." It's Oberon that really interests me ... clearly, he's very different from the original, and good on you for taking an unexpected spin on the character. I'm assuming that now Flute's taken him under his wing, he'll start developing some of the more "traditional" traits associated with Oberon -- but I really couldn't say. In my opinion, when basing a piece off such a well-known play, it's important to have strong links between the original characters and one's own versions -- although without making them identical! It's a very fine line. I'm especially looking forward to seeing how the relationship between Titania and Oberon develops. From the sounds of it, it should be a bumpy road!

You've obviously put a lot of work into developing Oberon's voice, which is great, and once I got into the flow of the script, I found myself able to tap into that voice more easily, but for me, his opening line was a bit of a jolt. It sets up his voice beautifully, but as a reader, I found it very confusing as it was the first time such vocabulary had been used in the play, and there was such a lot of it! I can imagine that you might be able to get away with it on stage, if the actor used the line for comic effect -- gabbling the whole thing as fast as possible so it didn't really matter if the audience picked it up or not -- but then again, I'm not sure if that was your intention.

Can't wait to see where this goes

Thanks a lot for your imput. It's especially nice to get seeing as your doing the same kind of thing. I never really though of keeping ties to the orgional play character wise, I actully strived to move away from that in most of my characers, but I think you do have a point. Thanks for the imput on Oberon's line as well, I didn't even think about it as being overwhelming, but looking at it I can see you were right! I'll probably tone it down a bit. Thanks again.

I've never read Midsummer Night's Dream before. Now you made me want to read it!

Okay, this was interesting. I liked it. You let us know some things about the characters. You are writing more, right? Because if you don't, it will be kind of weird. There won't be enough description and you leave us hanging. But I think you are writing more, so that's good!

Yes, I have written more. The next scene is out. Thanks for the support.

Hey there Cool Dude! Interesting set up you’ve got here. Love Midsummer night’s dream, so was really happy with your adaptation of it. Love Titania and Oberon in this one. Makes it pretty interesting. Gonna take a guess – is Flute going to be Puck? Or do you actually have a character named Puck? Either way’s cool, of course. Onward to the thoughts and nit-piks.

Titania: Oh my gosh! I cannot believe they did that, are they insane? Richard will kill Tom when he finds out! Oh I can’t wait to see the look on Sally’s face when that happens. Somebody needs to bring them down to earth!

Haha, nice girl, huh? ‘Can’t wait to see the look on Sally’s face when that happens.’ Nice bit of characterization there.

Titania: You! Book worm! What are you laughing at! Did he say something funny! I don’t think so.

Questions need question marks. If the person is shouting the question, make note of that. No expert at script writing, but I think it would go something along the lines of “Titania [loudly]: You! Book…”

In this case, I don’t think you need to do that, though. You set her tone from the start by giving her two exclamation points in a row, so you don’t really need to tell us she’s shouting. You just need question marks.

Oberon has been looking at Flute with a thoughtful look in his eyes when he whips towards him, grabbing the book that he has returned to reading.

I love that entire confrontation scene between Flute and Oberon, but this one line is bugging me a bit, lol. Maybe instead of ‘has’ you meant to put ‘had’? That would make a bit more sense then. But then you have ‘whips’ in present tense again… the present tense doesn’t really mesh well with ‘when he’. It’s like you’re using two different tenses – past and present – in one sentence, which is really confusing. Might want to re-word it a bit, pick a tense. In all, it was pretty awesome. Look forward to reading number two.

Thank you for the grammer! I suck at that, it's through endless revision that I've gotten it this good. As for your question about Flute... he's not Puck, but is a minor charcter made more major by the needs of my adaptaiton. I'm not going to introduce him to you because with him it would work better if you just learn his personality as you read.

The title drew me in. Let's just say I'm an English geek, as we all are Well, I've never reviewed a script hitherto so I'll try be as helpful as I can

Oberon: A very insecure boy who gets his place in life by making his nerdyness more noticeable than it really is by using large words.Realistic and true Very few people actually can understand what he says, but he is still popular due to his relationship with Titania.

Titania: A complete popular girly girl. She tends to be cruel, offhandedly, for fun and pleasure. She is conniving and is used to always getting what she wants. She is the queen of the school.


Prologue
Scene is set in the hallway, Flute is on stage slumped in a corner reading, but as the lights come up Oberon, Titania (holding hands), and her groupies enter making a lot of noise. Flute looks up to watch.

Shelly: Have you heard, about Tom and Sally?

Titania: No! What’s up? What has that traitor of a girl got up to now?

Megan: Well, I heard that over the summer they actually hooked up!

Titania: Oh my gosh! I cannot believe they did that, are they insane? Richard will kill Tom when he finds out! Oh I can’t wait to see the look on Sally’s face when that happens. Somebody needs to bring them down to earth!

Oberon: Giving information as if by speech of conducting lower towards the planet, have you learned by the ear this laughter provoking witticism? Icomma school child of undetermined age quests for the answer of his query with his teacher says inquires, “Is it in the utmost undisputed arena that the law of gravity keeps our human bodies in continual attachment to the ground beneath us?:lol: This part had me in hysterics.” The instructor of knowledge retorts that that is the case, so the apprentice goes on to test his next query, “What was it that let us remain upon the ground in the absence of that law, that is to say, before the law was passed?” Beautiful way of talking Hehehe I love this character already

As Titania and her groupies stare at him Oberon laughs heartily, with the occasional snort. He eventually tires and looks around, not understanding why he is alone in his laughter.

Oberon: Companion? Was that not a line of estimable merriment?Estimable merriment

Flute finally getting it, lets out a short snort of laughter in the corner and Oberon’s attention immediately focuses on him. Before he can speak though, Titania takes the opportunity to fill the awkward silence that has developed.

Titania: You! Book worm! What are you laughing at! Did he say something funny! I don’t think so.

Flute: Well actually, it was…

Titania: Did you actually do what I thought you just did? Did you actually try to speak to me! Oh you are so in for it four-eyes, just you wait! Girls, come! I need to get my schedule! Are you coming Oberon?

Oberon: No, but may I put forward one of many conventional expressions used in parting! I… I must converse with somebody near to my personage before I leave this immediate area. :lol:

The others share another odd look, and then leave the stage, chattering, Titania with her head held high. Oberon has been looking at Flute with a thoughtful look in his eyes when he whips towards him, grabbing the book that he has returned to reading.

Oberon: You! You understood what I spoke about?

Flute: (thinking for a moment then grabbing the book back) Sure. I bet your friends would too if you toned it down a bit. (he returns to reading)

Oberon: (in a panic) I can’t do that! I mean, mymethinks maybe the would work better here. apparatus stored in my head is unable to lower it’sIts has no apostrophe as it is possessive. functionings to the level of other human organisms. But you understand the inner workings of my speech! Listen closely to the information which I am about to impart to you. Would you be interested in taking up a post of employment?

Flute: (looking up from his book) What? A job? What kind of job? I guess I could use something else to do with my time.

Oberon: I wish of you that my words be restated into a tone that my peers might understand. I would reward upon you for your efforts a total of 50$ a passing of the sun, while we are in this instructional building.

Flute: 50$! For being your translator! Sure!

Oberon: Then it is settled satisfactorily. I will rendezvous with you at the course group which is on my schedule in the premier slot, as shown here. Join me then and not a short period of time later.

Oberon begins leaving, but Flute calls after him.

Flute: Wait! What is your name! I need to know who I’m working for!

Oberon: I am Oberon.

Oberon exits, leaving Flute dumfounded and staring after him. He sits down to read his book again as the curtain closes.
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I adored this. Truly I did I'll definitely be reading more xD My favourite character so far is most definitely Oberon.

I love the way you incorprate the old language through Oberon as well as using modern language through the others, very effective. I can't really say much more, sorry It was great though, truly great.

Well done

-Kirsten xxx

Thank you so much for this review. I really appreciate what you have to say, and I'm glad you like Oberon! As I've said before, anything in my script that is pointed out to me only makes me a better writer, so I'm glad to take the bad to. But I'm glad you liked it.

Hey, Cooldude. I must warn you that this is my first time editing scripts so just know that you have been forewarned

Oberon: Giving information as if by speech of conducting lower towards the planet, have you learned by the ear this laughter provoking witticism? I school child of undetermined age quests for the answer of his query with his teacher says inquires, “Is it in the utmost undisputed arena that the law of gravity keeps our human bodies in continual attachment to the ground beneath us?” The instructor of knowledge retorts that that is the case, so the apprentice goes on to test his next query, “What was it that let us remain upon the ground in the absence of that law, that is to say, before the law was passed?”

Whoa… I only wish I could understand what he means by this, let alone be able to reply to this… I just hope you know what it means hehe

. Titania: Did you actually do what I thought you just did? Did you actually try to speak to me! Oh you are so in for it four-eyes, just you wait! Girls, come! I need to get my schedule! Are you coming Oberon?

I don’t really understand this part. I thought she was just talking to Flute before this…? I would be clear on this.

~ ~ ~ ~

This was good, but I think in the beginning, you could use a bit more description with the scenery and such. Such stuff as what does the scene actually look like that the group is entering.

All right, first, I’m going to comment on each of the characters individually:

Oberon: What a wondrous boy he is!? But if only I could understand him… The first paragraph where he speaks I didn’t understand at all but after that his speech came easier and I was able to comprehend, which is good if you wish the reader to get the plot line However, I can’t say much else about him as this is only the first encounter the reader is entailed to. But I must say, he grabbed my attention from the beginning.

Titania: I’ll be honest, she is like every other snob that goes through the school systems. I know that it is what you are aiming for but give her more life than just that. We need something that sets her apart from all the other snobs out there, you know?

Flute: He seems like an innocent enough kid, though I felt that the encounter with Oberon and himself was kind of forced on his part. I wish I could know more of his thoughts on the manner.

Others: The rest I can all put into Titania’s group, so I won’t comment on them

Now, for the overall plot line: I found it interesting. I mean, first, what is Oberon doing with Titania in the first place. That’s what really drew me in.

However, there are some things you should watch out for:

PLOT LINE: like I mentioned above, yes, it was good, but I feel like you need a sort of hook that draws the reader in even more, you know?

DIALOGUE: this is what scripts are all about so make sure you really emphasize what you are trying to get across with the speech of your characters. Also, the only way that we get to know your characters is through your dialogue so this should make you be extra careful in what you right. This is just a reminder for the rest of these because in this one, I didn’t find anything wrong with your dialogue.

Otherwise, I think this was a good start. I’m on to part two

Hey there, Dude! June here, as promised ^_^. Since I have a lot to read up on, I shall keep my reviews short and brief as possible, but I hope that if you post more in the future, I shall review it as you go along. Can I burden you with the task of PMing me when you post another? Gracias! .

Now! Onto the review! Typically, I don't do scripts. Writing/Reviewing them really isn't my thing, but for your sake, I found my old script notes and went over the chapter about scripts in my language arts book that I didn't get up to yet, so I think I shall be able to do a half-decent review here.

Okay! According to my knowledge (ahem! And this geeky book in my lap! xD) A play script, or script to shorten it explores a conflict in the life of a character. Often there is another character(s) present at the time. The characters do all of the work in telling us what's going on, but the setting is described.

You gave us a brief overview of the characters (I'm going to call them O and T, forgive me being lazy), but when you begin to describe the setting you tell us that "Flute" is on stage! I'm wondering, hey, is that the musical instrument or some creepy weird guy?

When writing the character sheet and setting for a play, you want to include a complete list of characters that will star throughout the play, or at least in the Act, scene, or chapter of the play that the audience is reading/watching. So! Let's say we have three characters. You want to include the list of characters and a brief description. When this play is acted out, you won't need to include the details, because it will be staged and shown perfectly to the audience. So, just make for us a short list of the characters and some of their traits, okay?


Describe the scene better! You tell us, "The scene is set in a hallway..." but that's not enough. What kind of hallway!? What part of the hallway? A school? Are there lockers around? Classrooms? How close is the bathroom. You can almost never go wrong in describing a play setting here, it's crucial to the play.

You're already past the beginning points, good job! You've developed your characters and created quite an interesting setting here for us to dive into. Remember to:

1) Focus your efforts! Identify your main characters as new situations arise. Don't let the tone of the witty girl fall flat just because the building is crashing down on her head. Make it spring to life, and continue that happy tone throughout your script. The thing that distinguishes your characters from one another is their personalities.

2) Connect your ideas! If you let us know that the main character has a horse that can save her from danger in chapter one, we don't want to be reading later on that she's rescued by some knight in shining armor, dumped into the back of a truck and carted away... where's that horse again? Wait, what am I saying about... a horse? Just focus, and connect your ideas to one another.

3) Improve your writing! (And nooooo! I'm not saying this is bad, I rather like it!) Read your script aloud, giving each of the characters their own voice, dramatize it and make sure it flows smoothly. Ask yourself, does this develop a brief, clear storyline that is still complete? Do the characters words and actions reveal enough about their personalities? Too little, or too much? Revise it until your heart's content.

4) Check for style and accuracy! (I sound like an English teacher now, don't I? Haha) Edit your revised writing style. Make sure that the characters lines sound natural and keep in line with his/her personality. Here, I think that the speech sounded a bit too "grown" for high school kids. Remember, this is dialogue! Slang is totally allowed here.



Remember!

Dialogue>> How the characters speak should reveal something about their personality. Don't force it all at us at once, slowly unfold each of them as the storyline continues. Give us clues to voice and stage directions well and effectively. Like this:

Stella: (whining) I don't want to go with you tonight! (exits)

Conflict>> Build your play around a believable situation, which you have done very, very well here (good job). Make sure that it makes sense in the lives of the characters, and not just to you.

Stage directions>> Indicate the time when a person enters and exits, where the action rises and falls. Make it dramatic and realistic. Remember, people in real life obsess over little things. We love drama.

Form>> Follow the format of a script, which is done perfectly well here. Begin with the title, follow with the list of characters, and an explanation of the setting before the action begins.

Remember! there are lots more things you can add! Don't forget theres the rise and fall of the music, cutting to another scene, fade in, fade out, and so on.


Overall: I think it was really good! It opened a dramatic setting without giving us a whole lot of drama in the face. It's great how you did that; we're not overloaded with more than we can handle.

However! I think the dialogue strings are too long! I mean... read this aloud. Think about highschool kids having such an intellectual conversation. Some parts suited their descriptions and other parts just seemed to exceed the limits they began to create here.

... but then again, I think that's just me.

I'm rambling xD. So much for brief, haha. I hope that helped, and I hope I wasn't too harsh and didn't sound too much like an english teacher... or the grammar freak I am?


Keep it up! I'll be sure to critique the rest! [Eventually xD]

Amazing!

June

(also! very impressive! I might like scripts now )

I can definitely PM you! Your idea on Flute answered one of my main questions further on, should I change there names from the original script or not? Seeing that you thought Flute was a creepy weird guy, (not at all!) I should change them. But I have a question for you to, have you ever read the original play A Midsummer Night's Dream? That's where I took the names from. I have all the characters listed together at the top of my actual copy, but figured people would want them by scene on here. Guess I was mistaken. In a rewrite I have added setting, it just wasn't a significant enough rewrite to post. Thanks for the tips about music and fading, I totally forgot them! And grammar teacher is fine, I suck at grammar. Thanks a lot for your help. I'll take what you say into mind.

Finally I have started this, and I'm sorry about taking so long. xD
I've decided just to start again from the beginning, seeing as my first critique wasn't very good, not that this one'll be much better or anything. Let's just say I don't review scripts much, as you can probably tell. So, we'll start with characters.

QUOTE Oberon: A very insecure boy who gets his place in life by making his nerdyness more noticeable than it really is by using large words. Very few people actually can understand what he says, but he is still popular due to his relationship with Titania.
I really like Oberon, he's my favourite character so far I do have a slight issue with this description of dear Obe though. See, it kind of confuzzles me, maybe it's the repetition of by

QUOTE A very insecure boy who gets his place in life I think that bit's maybe where I begin to get confused. It's not really worded correctly, maybe it'd read better as:
An extremely insecure boy who feels the need to make his intellect more apparent.
Kinda nit-picky, think you not? but the thing is, some people might be put off because they don't really understand what it's about. Let's just finish the rest of that and then I'll go on to the actual character development:
An extremely insecure boy who feels the need to make his intellect more apparent by using large words. Very few people actually understand what he says, but he is still popular due to his relationship with Titania.
I really love the last line that you had, it was informative without being overly descriptive, and gave us all the basic information we needed. I liked it. xD

Now, onto Oberon himself;
quirks I adore Obe's quirks, they're original and interesting. They make him fresh and interesting. His love of big words is a nice touch. I adore the use of those words as they make it so interesting and overall just great. *is blabbering, can you tell?* *rolls eyes sarcastically*
Oberon is well developed though, and I can really empathise with him. xD
Somepeople would argue that at times Oberon can be hard to reach because we don't really understand him. Therefore there's nothing to empathise with. But I feel differently. I love Obe, and I can definitely empathise due to his quirks. xD

Empathise
To have good characters we need to be able to empathise with them, and as scripts are all about characters, we definitely need to empathise with them. This is especially true for scripts because they are meant to be acted out, so if the audience don't empathise with the characters they are going to grow bored, and leave. I can empathise with Oberon, but perhaps some others cannot. If this was acted out the audience might be slightly un-nerved as Obe's use of huge words, and if he was talking fast, it would be kind of overwhelming but I really do like it To empathise with characters they must have cores. They must have a soul, otherwise they're just pointless. Oberon does. He has a double lair of surface-ness, sounds strange ? 'kay, on the surface he is just a kid that uses huge words and that no one understands. Underneath that he is actually insecure, but on the very inside, soul-wise he is something else completely. Hard to explain, but people do have lairs. Like onions *as said in Shrek, sophisticated? I know * we have the surface, we have something under the surface, and more, and more, and more, until we get to our very core. Our whole point. Our ver essence. Because you've given Obe these, he's realistic. He's fresh and interesting. Well done for that

acting
At the start I told you about how I don't really review scripts, the main reason is because for fiction you look from the reader's POV, but for scripts, it's the audience's. To make a character truly successful, they must be act-able. Is that a word? I don't think so but hey How do I picture our dear Obe? I imagine him to be above all the other school children. In his own little thoughts about things that simply do not concern the others. However, I don't picture him to be the stereotypical geek, no glasses, perhaps a few spots but not geeky looking. I don't really know why, I just think so The main question:
Is Oberon act-able?
I think he is. I do think you'd need a very talented actor to pull of Oberon's character, but it is possible. If this were to be made into a real play, I would definitely want to make sure the right actor was cast the part, otherwise, dear little Obe could just crumble and be ruined, and that, is a fairly dismal prospect.

How Oberon interacts with people
Interestingly. Very different from the way the way 'normal' teenagers interact. Different, in a good way though. That's why I think you'd need a very talented actor to pull him off, the others wouldn't need extreme talent, just talent, but Obe needs a certain person. Someone that plays him perfectly. Without that he'd die

Kirsten's view of Oberon
I LOVE him! He is the most interesting character I have ever encountered in a script, and I read a lot of scripts, just don't review them That fact is as definite as concrete. I love Obe, and I can't wait to meet him again later. xD

QUOTE Titania: A complete popular girly girl. She tends to be cruel, offhandedly, for fun and pleasure. She is conniving and is used to always getting what she wants. She is the queen of the school
That pretty much sums Titania up.

quirks
Titania doesn't have any, and that's exactly what makes her character seem good. Picking up on what Ashley said about maybe giving her some more, I completely agree. No, we don't want to give her loads of quirks, but a few wouldn't hurt. xD So my advice is to maybe add one or two, but don't over-do it. xD

Empathise
I can't really empathise with Titania just now. However, I'd like to. I want to know more about her. D'ya know something that I think would be really effective. Maybe when Titania and Oberon are on their own she talks to him about real things. Maybe she's deeper than what she seems on the surface. Perhaps that could be why she like Oberon. It kind of confuses us why the superficial, popular Titania is going out with the smart and witty Oberon. It would probably be very hard to maintain the relationship. So, if you do use my idea for Titania and Oberon's close talks I think you would pull it off well. Otherwise just give us something; anything, to empathise with. xD

Acting
Perhaps the best thing about Titania so far is how act-able she is. She could be easily played and easily believed to be real if acted properly. Basically, you've made her such a simple character that she almost appears complex. If that makes sense. xD That is really very clever

Is Titania act-able?
Yes. I think she is. Again, it's a matter of finding the right actress, not quite as hard as Oberon but still... *muses*

How does Titania interact with other characters?
Well. The way she's meant to, at least.

Kirsten's views of Titania
I'm not really her number one fan at the moment, but I don't think I'm meant to be. I think she's one of those characters that aren't particularly meant to be liked. At least not worshipped like dear Oberon For that I'd say well done, you've created a character that I don't have to love, but she works very well for you in form of shaping the other characters, if ya get me

Flute

Quirks
I suppose we could say that Flute does have quirks, he's a bookworm. However, most bookworms have something to say for themselves. By that, they've read so much that they have opinions of their own, they can think and argue. When Flute is getting offered the job as translator, I think he might've been a little too quick to agree. We want to know more about him. I'll talk more about that in two minutes

Empathise
We can immediately empathise with him for being a bookworm... almost. You just need to give him a bit more life, make him a tad more real. The thing about this script is Oberon gets to speak his thoughts, he gets to declare his ideas and thoughts, but Flute doesn't. Flute's just expected to go with the flow. Make him rebellious, make him stand up to Oberon and question things. Make him real. Now, to go back to my previous point in Quirks; Flute should have his own ideas, his own thoughts and muses. Make him have just as much as Oberon, he could be just as interesting. Some interaction between him and Oberon would be great, think of it, they could even have debates. What I'm trying to say is this: we can almost empathise with Flute , almost. Just allow him his own thoughts too

acting
Almost all of your characters are like this: little fragmented masterpieces. I love that. I love it so much more than them being masterpieces, fragmented masterpieces are much better. Very much better. Because of this they all need specific people to act them out. They need the right actors and actresses. xD

Is Flute act-able?
Yes. Flute is, it's again a matter of the above discussed, but he is by the right person

How does Flute interact with others?
This is where you could hugely develop Flute. Make him have his own thoughts and feelings. That way he'll be much more real, and much better developed. I'd love that.

Kirsten's thoughts on Flute
He has the potential to be as loved as Oberon. Just nurture him. xD

Kirsten's thoughts on the characters overall
Fragmented masterpieces. Much better than masterpieces. Fresh, original and interesting. I love them. xD

I'll be back later to do setting and then to move onto number two. xD


~Kirsten xoxo

Back This time I'm going to concentrate on setting, so I shall start with the first setting and work onwards. Shall we start?

QuoteScene is set in the hallway, Flute is on stage slumped in a corner reading, but as the lights come up Oberon, Titania (holding hands), and her groupies enter making a lot of noise. Flute looks up to watch.
Scene is set in the hallway, where is the hallway? What colour of walls does it have? Does it have any windows? Is it snowing outside? If you use details like this, and you get stuck later, you can come back and pick up on them. Say for example if it was snowing, perhaps dear Obe could pick up on that, and you'd find a way to continue? Anyway, because this is a script you don't need loads of imagery, but some description might be nice. Just a little bit. The last sentence, I like it's informative without being too boring etc etc. I do like it
'kay, so then I begin to read on. You've never told us. Is this set in a school? I presume it is, but I'm not certain because I haven't actually been informed upon that yet. You need to tell us the basic setting.

Think of it in terms of the audience
Plays are all about the audience, right? You need to grab them in with the first line and punch them out with the last. You need to interest them and keep them in the audience by using effective characters, settings, etc etc. So when you're writing scripts, always think about it from the audience's POV. Are they going to enjoy it? Will they like the characters? Is the plot interesting enough? etc etc. So, let's say that this play is going to be made into a real one today. Think of the actors and actresses, what sort of voice would they have to have? Would they have to look a certain way? But you need to be more specific than that, before we begin to think of actors and actresses(which are secondary things in play writing) we must consider the primary things. The things you have to work with. The actual play itself. Would the audience be interested in it? Where would they want it to be set? Forget the actors, forget the stage and the fancy lights and bla. Just think of it in terms of what it really is. Writing and people. That's all it is.

Writing
This is where you have control. You're in charge. This is where lots of people go wrong. You must strip it down to its very core. Its essence. What makes up this piece of writing? Some characters, a few settings and some words. Those three things are extremely important:

Characters
They'll either make or break your script. They must be real. They must. Without that, your play will be ruined. They are the very core of your play. When all else is forgotten, all that really remains is characters and the audience. You really must make them believable. xD

settings
Where does it take place? You need to tie this in with the characters, because in the end, everything is connected. Setting is extremely important in scripts too. Without a good setting the characters will lack believability, which will effect the whole show.

words
Think of just how powerful they are. A single word can change the world. They can be so, so powerful. You need to make them so. They are again one of the core things, dialogue is one of the very few things at the essence of script-writing. Make it right and it will be incredible, like yours is


The three cores
Think of them as what scripts really are. They're not about the show really, they're not about lights and special effects and bla. They're about those three core things, without them it's pointless. An extremely powerful play could just include those three, nothing else, and it would be incredible, it really would. *shall stop babbling*

people
You need to please the audience. They are people. Make your characters real and... *zee possiblities are endless*

So, that's this one done and I shall start the second tomorrow probably

~Kirsten xxx