Ode to My Fellow Bus Riders

Ode to My Fellow Bus Riders

We are all strangers thrown together
to journey down the same road.
Yet all different, no one knowing the other,
we are all the same as we share this experience together.

We are consumed by ourselves,
awkwardly avoiding each other’s glances,
listening to our music and texting on our cell phones,
on a selfish and lonely bus ride.

Only looking up to glance at new riders,
we don’t see the real person,
just faces that cover them.
Maybe breaking the barrier
and smiling at that cute someone.
But we mostly judge them,
then pretend not to care
as they pass us
to struggle for the few remaining seats.

We all get on the bus
trying to meet and exceed expectations,
giving an image of ourselves
that we hope will express who
and what we want people to see in us.
But when all we do is ignore others,
what right do we have to expect that
we won’t be ignored either?

Hey Ellen. I won't be real specific and detailed here as I feel real tired lately from staying up all night and playing video games . Just gonna give you some general comments.

This is quite an interesting poem with quite a subtle theme regarding bus rides. I actually should thank you for writing this poem. It's one of those things that it's so subtle that people do not really think much about in their lives.

I had the impression of a bus heading to some camp site as I was reading this poem, not one of those school organized events, but from some lesiure organisation. It isn't exactly clear as to where the bus is going and the sort of people ( I assume teens seeking adventure by signing up to this camp?) so you might want to fix that. I think this is the main reason why I felt parts of the poem seem to "tell" more than "show". For example:

We all get on the bus

trying to meet and exceed expectations,

giving an image of ourselves

that we hope will express who

and what we want people to see in us.

The idea of ignorance also seemed to be repeated a few times throughout the poem so you might want to address that too.

Overall though, I did like this poem, mainly for its theme and the message it conveys. I think that if you focus more on the purpose of the bus ride (eg: are they going to some sports event or camp?) and more on the people (are they sports people wanting to win or just thrill seeking teens?) then it should add more depth to your poem.

Good luck as you present this in school Ellen.

Andy.

Hi Yoha (Ellen?),

I know exactly what your talking about in this poem, I think some of the same thoughts every time I'm on the bus with forty so strangers. My impression was just a regular city bus, everyone going to their own work, school, activities. As I said, a lot of your observations strike home, the awkward avoidance of each others eyes.

The judging, the desire to be noticed, the lonely and selfish bus ride, I recognize it all, very true to what I know.

I have no technical response.

I'm curious, do you want to talk to people on the bus when your on it?

Ryan