(Deleted by Author)

<Deleted by Author>
Sorry Guys! If you'd like to read the full post, check out Ward Four here.

Hi ^_^ Here's what I noticed:

Nitpicks:

First:

It hung just short of the center of the clear blue sky, awakening Ward Four their slumber

You forgot to add 'from'
Second:

their colourful hair

colorful not colourful
Third:

I glanced into the stream to my right and watched the swim flutter about; swim one way, then change their mind and abruptly swim back.

Shouldn't this be water or current?
Fourth:

two colourful strands

Again, colorful
Five:

He chuckled and dropped his hands, and they smacked the thighs of his jeans.

This seems a bit off. Try something more along the lines of "He chuckled and dropped his hands, smacking the thighs of his jeans."
Six:

Tobias sighed heavily than plopped down on the grass

Should be then


Overall:
You did a excellent job! I really had to look hard for the nitpicks I mentioned I loved your descriptions and the way you brought out the plot of the story. All in all, I thought it was very good work and I really do enjoy reading your material. Let me know if there are more please