Eh, it's not bad.
Some lines were a lot better than others and the ending was just ok for me.
It's not bad, all in itself.
I'd rather write about this world than live in itand I'd rather play music all day and read and wander around bookstoresand watch humansbut not be one of them.
The repetition of "Dear you" actually works in this poem. Congrats on pulling it off! Like tennisprincess said, some lines were a lot stronger than the others, so maybe figure out a way to let them stand alone?
I loved the last line. It just completely summed up the whole poem. Overall, great job. Gold star for you.
"You can love someone so much...But you can never love people as much as you can miss them."
Hm... I like it, I like it a lot, and that's saying something since I normally throw up/gag when I read romantic poetry.
Partly it's because it's a bit different. The free verse and repetition fits the poem well.
The one thing I would change is the "you" part. It makes it feel like the person is stiff with her lover.
Perhaps Dear Lover?
Are you going to do an I love you poem?
I personally don't like the repetition of "You", I find You to be a very hardened and finite word for someone you're describing to be almost holy in your eyes.
Some lines are weak, the ones where you're trying to explain to "You" how they can help you don't have the strength in emotion I look for.
Some of the lines don't fit the mood quite right, the general mood is a sense of hopelessness, yet there are times where you gain confidence.
I can relate to this poem, it reminds me of a dream.
Somewhere life is good, and things go as they should. It’s hard to find, but that’s alright.
I think that was when I began to realize that reputation isn't everything. I should focus less about how others perceive me and more about what makes me happy. Because, in the end, I have to live with myself. — Seraphina
