My adhesive

Just a few poems.
I’d love opinion and critiques.
Thanks for reading.

Hedonistic Gilbert;



Most of my days are spent scraping stains off pants and shirts.
Hot sauce crust, Mustard crust, human crust.
Flaking off and falling to the ground.
They collect in specs and piles.
Microscopic mounds of yesterday’s hot dog
And last weeks company.
The chili stain on my pants leg reminds me of home.
The stain the Rum left reminds me of the party
and that curly haired girl.
Some people say I’m dirty
I’m just nostalgic.




On Glaxious?;


It’s 3:11 P.M on a Saturday, and there isn’t any love for miles.
Not anymore at least, It’s no one’s fault but everyone’s.
It took me a while to admit that you’ll never call.
Not anymore, I left my honey buns in your cabinet, I hope they don’t go bad. The colors went bad. I went bad.
You were the last unique thing I had.
It’s like a conveyor belt of them now.
Fast friends
Fast company
No company at all
When it matters, nothing else matters.
What really matters?
Did our trade matter?
If honesty matter let me be honest
I was chasing your beauty up until the point I realized that you are only beautiful. You are only the best legs I’ve ever seen. You are only a great ass. You are only perfect tits, you were only the brightest smile I’d ever met.


Dress shoes, Too late.;


And the shit just piles on you doesn’t it?
Load after load after painful load.
Bending and folding and breaking and crushing and devouring you.
Wearing you down to skeleton.
Then your skeleton turns to dust, and you’ve expired under the weight
Of the shit you were too lazy to shovel.
Or just didn’t know how to shovel.
And nothing is worst than a persistent problem that you don’t seem to know how to fix.
We can wait for trouble to dissipate and die down
Or we can pick up a shovel and dig.

It's always good to be able to read three poems at once from an author because it gives you a good feel for the author's style, and you've got a good stream of consciousness style. I greatly enjoyed how you didn't resort to some conventions such as forced rhyming, but rather just let the poem write itself. It comes off as rough, but real.

First Poem

What do you mean by specs as in "specs and piles"? It's probably something used in your community; I'm just unfamiliar with it is all and interested to know what you mean by it.

In "last weeks company" there should be an apostrophe before the 's' in "weeks."

If you're going to capitalize the first letter of each line, that's fine but be consistent. The third to last line has lower-case at the start.

Overall, I actually found it creepy. The way the speaker is talking about human crust and a girl reminded me of a stalker, or worse, a serial killer.


Second Poem

There should be no apostrophe in "everyone's" in the second line.

The whole poem comes off as very awkward to read. The "Not anymore, I left my honey buns in your cabinet" conveys two separate ideas in a single line, and might be fixed by just removing the "not anymore." Then the "Did our trade matter" line didn't make sense. However, the very last line (two lines really) worked very well, and I liked it. It's very cliche, but in the context of the poem, I thought it worked well.


Third Poem

I thought it was good, but the analogy seemed odd to me. That is, you're talking about stuff piling on top and then trying to dig even further. To me, this implied digging an even deeper hole rather that trying to get out. However, that's just a personal thing and others may feel differently.


On the whole, they are rough and need polishing. But, you're off to a good start. Best of luck.