Freedom's Song

Put your foot in your mouth, boy;
You can't tell me you're sorry.
But I don't care for your lies.
I'm over it, over you.

So now I smile,
Skip away.
The world has color,
The birds sing,
And I'm free.
I'm the epitome of joy.

Freedom Song,
Can't be sung.
It's in the wind,
In my heart.
This boy can't turn down the volume,
This boy can't put it on mute.
Freedom's song,
Is not a song at all.

I dance without music,
As the rain comes down.
The lightning's a disco ball,
The thunder is my playlist.

The trees grow tall,
And the grass is green.
The sun doesn't shine,
But I smile.
And not all the pain in the world,
Can put me down today.

The sky's got a cloud.
And if it rain's,
Let it rain.
Freedom's song
Will repaint the sky;
Make the gray blue.

If love can save us,
Who says I want to be saved?
I can live on my own.
I can dream on my own.
I can listen,
To freedom's song.

Explosive_Pen wrote:
Put your foot in your mouth, boy;
You can't tell me you're sorry.
[s]But[/s] I don't care for your lies.
I'm over it, over you.

So now I smile,
Skip away.
The world has color,
The birds sing,
And I'm free.
I'm the epitome of joy. This stanza doesn't work in concept of the poem so far.

Freedom Song,
Can't be sung.
It's in the wind,
In my heart. This is much more rhythmic than the previous stanza....so far...
This boy can't turn down the volume,
This boy can't put it on mute.
Freedom's song,
Is not a song at all. I understand what are you trying to say but you can try to say it more clearly...

I dance without music,
As the rain comes down.
The lightning's a disco ball, nice
The thunder is my playlist. WHAT?????? You could put a rhyme here or anything(this verse is a BIG no)

The trees grow tall, What does tall have to do with green or shine?
And the grass is green.
The sun doesn't shine,
But I smile.
And not all the pain in the world,
Can put me down today.

The sky's got a cloud.
And if it rain's,
Let it rain.
Freedom's song
Will repaint the sky;
Make the gray blue. I like this

If love can save us,
Who says I want to be saved? Beautiful thought!
I can live on my own.
I can dream on my own.
I can listen, without comma
To freedom's song.

Your thoughts are incredible, perfect, I love them, but the rhythm oscillates through the whole poem...And that chokes it... I'll definitely try to put some rhyme in it...

P.S. Why I don't understand your style??? I remember another song from you when I said some stupid things so...here's the thing...I would like to PM me when you read this review and say if it's all OK...

Let me start by saying, excellent poem,
freedom is a very good topic to write about... why is it that freedom is so often compared to music...
maybe music makes us free,

"I listen to my words but they fall far below, I let my music take me where my heart wants to go"
-Cat Stevens, "Wild World"

like that. I dont know... i know exactly what you mean about a song that isnt there... maybe one you can't so much hear as feel.

there very well may have been mistakes in your rythym, and in your rhyme scheme, or diction, but as It is, it is not my job to re-write your work, so I wont, in fact, I should think you would be insulted if I were to.

Who want's to be saved, now thats a good thought, seriously.

If we have to follow the rules of this world, in order to be "saved" then to hell with "saved"

excellent poem, *gives a bow*

thank you.

Peace.