Wind Blown Heart

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Chapter 1: Farewell brothers

I sat in the long grass by the cliffs of Yantal, a heavily bound book in my lap, watching the sky darken as the sun dropped lazily towards the horizon. It was a perfect evening, the breeze fluttering against my cheeks pushing the long white tresses of hair off my shoulders, the grass cool against my bare legs. I loved the cliffs, the way they looked, the way they sounded when the water splashed against it’s sides. It was such a beautiful place although I sat as close as I would allow myself to. The rocks were extremely slippery from the spray of jetting water and if I slipped I would plunge 50 feet and hit the ice cold water of the ocean where I would most for surely drown thanks to my lack of swimming ability.

I looked back down at the large book on my lap and straightened out my cotton dress. All afternoon I had been studying the forces of the earth but not once could I grow a single flower. My fingers danced every movement, my mind put forth enough strain and effort to do so but not a single sprout would pop up from the earth. After a good two hours of trying and a good 15 minutes of weeping I started reading up on the other three nations.

I am of the earthling nation. My parents are earthlings, my brothers are earthling, the colony close to our ranch is an earthling colony. My whole life has been spent trying to be like the earthling’s, to be able to fight my own battles with the aid of the earth but the earth refused to listen to my call and I would always go home defeated just to show up to school the next day and get picked on mercilessly by the other students. I guess you could say I was used to it by now but still…I wanted so much to be like them. They were all skilled fighters at the age of 16 while I…well I couldn’t even make a sprout grow.

As a matter of fact, I didn’t even look like an earthling. Earthling’s had hair as brown as tree bark, skin deeply tanned, and their eyes…beautiful leaf green eyes all the same. I was not at all like this. I had white hair the colour of snow across the fields at home before the horses were sent out in the morning. My skin was pale, paler then any earthling had a right to have, and my eyes…they were grey like clouds floating lightly in the sky. I hated my eyes. They were not even slightly green, just grey, and that made me different, unworthy. I was picked on for looking the way I do and the men and women in town say that I would be quite the unsuitable bride for any of the strong earthling men. It made me sad.

The other three nations were quite different, and for that the earthlings kept their distance from all of them. First there was the fireling nation. That nation was a powerful one indeed for they could use fire. Their abilities were extreme and could cause much pain so they refused to fight for they don’t just hurt with their abilities. They kill. The people in that village have hair as red as blood, skin creamy and milky, and their eyes were bright butterscotch coloured or at least that’s what the book said. There was a sketch of a fireling man dressed in the armour of the fireling nation, his red tresses cropped short and his body type foreign…different from our own.

Second was the waterling nation. This nation was almost like the resistance. They were a powerful and wise nation never wanting to fight but when it came time to they were like gods among men. I had seen a waterling woman here once on official business in town. She was tall, lean, and extremely beautiful with royal blue hair plaited down her back, light creamy skin like the fireling nations and beautiful watery blue eyes.

Finally their was the windling nation and they were a mystery to all but the elders. They were a small nation split apart from us by the litchwood forest that stretched for miles. Even though they were the closest nation for we shared the continent of Nurah with them while the fireling and waterling nations shared Fortah across the Garenth ocean, we despised each other. The windling nation was our biggest threat. That’s why a war was soon to break out. It had been ordered by our elders that our population was growing to quickly and we needed the forest cleared but that forest had been the iron gate between our nations for years. The windling’s didn’t like the idea of that very much and now the earthlings wanted the windling’s dead so the biggest war in history was about to unfold.

I hated the idea of the war for it was stupid and unwise. The earth was being abused by the earthlings in their desperate attempts to become more powerful and so the earth would cry out in pain. It may sound weird to you or any of the other earthling’s but the wind would tell me these stories. Tell me how the earth just wished it could be happy with it’s creation, the earthlings, but the earthlings weren’t going to have any of it. The earth was their domain and nothing would stop them from using their abilities to the point where it hurt the earth. The earth thought that when it created the earthlings the earthlings would want to connect with it and become one with it as the other nations did but the earthlings did not. I listen to the cries as the wind taught me to. I hear the very pain it goes through and weep many a times. It wasn’t fair.

That is why I try so hard to become one with it. That is why I wish I could use my own blood trait as the rest of the earthlings could but for the greater purpose of helping the earth.

“Kiya!” I heard a deep voice the I recognized almost instantly. “Kiya are you up there?”

I sat perfectly still waiting for him to arrive for he always knew where I would be. I didn’t even turn my eyes when I felt his presence beside me.

“Kiya, you really should stay near,” William, my older brother said with a smile but I could see the worry evident in his eyes. “You know how the others in the village treat you…”

“I’m not a baby William,” I said angrily not turning my eyes away from the setting sun which was already half way past the horizon by now. “So don’t treat me like one.”

“I’m just worry about you is all,” William said with a deep chuckle. “You know it has been quite the struggle since…”

“Mother passed?” I asked turning to him angrily. “I don’t care anymore.”

“Kiya…”

“No,” I said my voice filled with anger. “I don’t need another parent William so don’t act like one okay?”

William looked at me obviously surprised and sad. I suddenly felt guilty for my words and quickly turned my eyes back towards the horizon.

“I guess it’s a good thing that you wont be seeing me or Gregory for awhile then,” he said so soft it was almost a whisper. I suddenly felt a jolt run through my veins and I looked at my older brother again.

“What do you mean William?” I asked worriedly, my voice shaky and desperate.

“Gregory and I…have been asked to join the earthling military,” William said, his eyes so full of sadness and apprehension I could already feel the tears spilling down my own cheeks.

“You cant be…” I said lightly. “Please don’t leave me William! You and Gregory are all I have left!”

“Kiya I’m sorry…”

“No you’re not!” I said angrily standing up. “You’re not sorry about anything! You’re just going to go and die in some pointless war and hurt the earth more! The earth cries out in pain because of the way all of you mistreat it! You are killing your own creator and you don’t even know it!”

“By using our power?” William said raising and eyebrow. “If the earth didn’t want us to use this power it wouldn’t have given it to us.”

“No, you’re wrong,” I said strongly even though my voice quivered. “The earth wants to be one with you and that’s why it gave you those powers. You’re abusing your right!”

“How would you know this Kiya?” William asked raising his own voice a little. “How could you possibly know this?”

“You will laugh,” I said sitting back down in the grass calmly. “But the wind told me so…”

I turned my eyes to William to see his reaction but he did exactly what I thought he would
do. He looked at me like I was some foreign creature and then started to laugh loudly.

“The wind told you?” he chuckled loudly falling backwards. “You sound like a disgusting windling!”

“But it’s the truth brother!” I said quickly. “You must believe me! The wind told me all of the old stories, of how the four nations were created! The wind told me of a prophecy and you’re already making things worse by joining it!”

“Kiya, it’s about time you stop dreaming and start growing up,” William said in a more serious tone. “You will have to take care of the ranch on your own while we’re gone and I don’t know if I can just leave with you always dreaming in the grass like this. You should be looking for a suitable earthling husband by now.”

“And what earthling man would marry me,” I asked under my breath, my heart aching again. He would never understand the pain it caused me to talk about such matters especially with him.

“There’s a lot of earthling men Kiya…” I could already hear his voice faltering from the statement. This had seemed to send him back and bit and we just sat in silence as the sky darkened, the sun finally passing leaving us in darkness.

“Just go William,” I said lightly as another tear spilled down my cheek and I was glad that I had the veil of darkness to cover it.

I heard his voice falter again as if he wasn’t done talking but soon he stood up and started to walk away. I watched as he left, more tears spilling down my cheeks as I tried to keep his memory intact in my head. His bark brown hair that dangled longer then mother ever would have let him grow it out till, his soft leaf green eyes, his deeply tanned skin and tall, muscular body that he had earned from all the years of working in the family ranch. I would miss him more then he would ever know…

Don’t weep young child. The daylight had passed and the time has come for the prophecy to unfold. Soon everything will be in place.

“Oh shut up,” I said angrily towards the sky. “Stupid prophecy! It will never come true at this rate!”

Don’t curse us young one. We do not come to harm you. It is what we must do. Soon you will understand. Soon you will fall into your own destiny…
Suppose for a moment that the heart has two heads, that the heart has been chained and dunked in a glass booth filled with river water. The heart is monologuing about hesitation and fulfillment while behind the red brocade the heart is drowning. - R.S




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Hey The.Dreamwalker, welcome to YWS!

So, this I found to be very very excellent. It's so descriptive and flows so easily. Great job!!

A few things though (sorry this is going to sound kind of harsh, but I really do like your story!):

Watch your tenses, you seem to change the tense very often in your story from past to present tense - even in the same sentence sometimes.

Try reading this through out loud because you tend to accidentally put in different words than you meant to, such as you write "and" instead of "a".

Also, beware of info-dumping. Info dumping is when you, well, dump a whole lot of info on the reader in just a short amount of time. Try spacing the info out, placing the info at the right times instead of listing it all off for the reader. Yes, we would like to know about the earthlings, but not all in one paragraph.

This leads me to another issue, spacing. Everything seems so fast-paced and plot is just thrown at the reader. Try to ease the reader into the story, let them dip their toe in the water instead of throwing them into the pool. What I mean is, we know that Kiya is picked on at school, her mother died, her brother is going off to the military, the wind speaks to her, and Kiya doesn't have powers. All in one chapter. This is another form of info-dumping, I guess you could say, more like plot-dumping. Try and slow it down a bit, let us get more attached to her brother before we find out that he's going off to the military. Show us her anguish at not being able to use her powers. Also, it seems very abrupt that she tells her brother that the wind speaks to her, it seems like it's more of a secret to her, so why would she tell her brother her secret in the very first chapter like that?

Just one more thing, I think that it would really make the ___lings sound more important if you capatilized the first letter, like this: Windling and Earthling. That way, the reader knows that they are very important.

~~~~~~~~~

Sorry if I seemed harsh, I just wanted to get down to the facts :D

You really have a great story going, just from reading the first chapter I can tell that if this were published I'd definitely buy it!

PM me if you have any questions!
~Once
It is better to travel well than to arrive.
-Buddha




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I enjoyed this chapter very much yeah, a lot of info dumping. I also noticed some mistakes so I'll just point them out to you:

“I’m just worry about you is all,” William said with a deep chuckle. “You know it has been quite the struggle since…”


I'm sure you meant "I'm just worried..."

And:

“And what earthling man would marry me,” I asked under my breath, my heart aching again. He would never understand the pain it caused me to talk about such matters especially with him.


There should be a question mark instead of a coma. A simple mistake.

Other than all that, I greatly enjoyed this. Sure it seemed a little quick, but it was different and you got a great imagination. Keep up the good work. I can't wait for more.
Purple light in the canyon
that is where I long to be
With my three good companions
just my rifle, pony and me

--- "My Rifle My Pony and Me"



The greatest part of a writer’s time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book.
— Samuel Johnson