Silky Bob caught!

Silky Bob caught!
By Robert Gluzman

New York city, New York December 12, 1938. Yesterday at night when we were dreaming, one of the most evil and dirtiest criminals was finally caught. Yes, it was the notorious 'Silky Bob' Simpson. Most people have heard of him, especially in Chicago. He was wanted there for battery, robbery, and illegal possession of a gun. But that isn't the worst crime’s he ever done! Once he bombed a bank killing 100 people. At the trial Bob pleaded guilty wishing that the judge would give him less time, but all his luck drained away from the killing and the stealing. The Judge sentenced him death! You are now thinking but how was he caught? Well, that is a good question. He was put into justice by his own friend. The witness recalled “My friend and I were in the restaurant across the street from the cigar store we said we would meet there in 20 years to catch up on things.” “There I was 20 years later patrolling the streets as a police officer.” “He said was meeting a friend, he was a bad guy and I had to ask my friend to help me and arrest him.” “He was born bad,” his friend said.

Hi Rob

First things first, make sure you site that you used After Twenty Years by O. Henry as a reference. So, this should probably be in the 'Fan Fiction' forum, I believe.
Ok, so I like this idea. Here are a few things you can fix:

Silky Bob [s]caught[/s] Caught!
By Robert Gluzman

New York [s]city[/s], New York December 12, 1938. Yesterday at night when we were dreaming, one of the most evil and dirtiest criminals was finally caught. [s]Yes! It is Silky Bob (Bob Simpson)[/s] Yes, it was the notorious 'Silky Bob' Simpson.
Most people have heard of him, especially in Chicago. He was wanted there for battery, robbery, and illegal possession of a gun. [s]But those weren’t the worst crime’s he ever done![/s] But that isn't the worst of it. [s]Once he[/s] He once bombed a bank killing [s]100[/s] one hundred people.
At the trial Bob pleaded guilty, wishing that the judge would give him less time. [s]but all his luck drained away from the killing and the stealing[/s] However, all of his luck was gone with the confessed killings and robbery. The [s]Judge[/s] judge sentenced him death.
[s]You are now thinking but how was he caught?[/s] By now you are probably thinking, 'How did he get caught?'. Well, that is a good question. He was put [s]into[/s] to justice by his own friend.
[s]The witness recalled “My friend and I were in the restaurant across the street from the cigar store we said we would meet there in 20 years to catch up on things.” “There I was 20 years later patrolling the streets as a police officer.” “He said was meeting a friend, he was a bad guy and I had to ask my friend to help me and arrest him.” “He was born bad,” his friend said.[/s]

1.) Try to stay away from using numbers (100, 20, ect..) in your stories. Just write them out (one hunred, twenty, ect..)
2.) Also try to avoid using using exclamatory sentences (!) in non-fiction writing. Your format for this story is that of a news story, and in most articles, you'll notice that journalists don't use many exclamation points.
3.) Although 'judge' can be a title name, you used it as a noun, and therefore it shouldn't be capitalized.
4.) When using quotation marks "" you don't have to end them at the end of each sentence. For instance, your last paragraph should've looked like this:

The witness recalled “My friend and I were in the restaurant across the street from the cigar store we said we would meet there in 20 years to catch up on things. There I was 20 years later patrolling the streets as a police officer. He said was meeting a friend, he was a bad guy and I had to ask my friend to help me and arrest him. He was born bad,” his friend said.

However, I removed the paragraph from the story because I think you should reword it. Read through it aloud; does it sound like what you would say if your former best friend was just sentenced to death? I know you can reword this better.

Overall, this was pretty cool. I like this idea (was it for a school project or something?) and think you did a pretty good job. Keep up the good work.


*anti-pop

anti-pop hit the nail on the head; I'd take everything she said to heart.

First, I'm moving this to "Other Fiction." It doesn't belong in "Non-Fiction" only because it's made-up; i.e., it's fiction.

I like what you're doing here, and what I suggest is reading through a bunch of newspaper stories. Get a feel for how they are written, and then write this over again. If you want, take a newspaper story about the capture of a criminal and copy the structure. Your first paragraph will usually start off with the name of the criminal and where he was captured, then move on to a statement by a witness, then an explanation of who he is.

Keep up the good work.

yeah. I loved it, but it's NOT true. I mean, it's non-non-fiction. *giggles: double negative, according to math, makes a positive. so I mean it's fiction* Yeah. I will stop confusing you now...
Cheers!
--Voxina

Ok I will make a nother one and it will be true