Removed.

Removed.

There was only a dozen of us, all told, and the music we played was kept within moderate levels.

for some reason, the use of 'was' confounded me here. I think its meant to be 'were' but honestly can't tell. How strange.

Right at that exact point in time, two of the four players were shouting the word ‘fuck’ repeatedly, one was calling another a ‘cocksucker’, and the final one was explaining to all three how he had engaged in a wild orgy with their mothers.

It could be the way this was written but I don't like the way you spelled it out for us here. Consider deleting all but the last line (which was the funniest :p) If not, perhaps a slight revision:

Right at that exact point in time, two of the four players were shouting 'fuck' repeatedly, one was calling another a ‘cocksucker’, and the final one was explaining to all three how he had engaged in a wild orgy with their mothers.

I was sat on one of the couches with them, in the darkened living room, with a beer in hand.

I was sitting or I sat

I don’t have to be [s]at all[/s] drunk,

don't overwrite it.

Six of were sat in our dingy lounge, spread across the three couches that surrounded the flat-screen television.

Six of us were sitting

**

Ha, this was good! Very funny, if at times perhaps a tad too elaborately written - by which I mean formal. That's a double edged sword though; it has added humorous effect but it can also become a bit of a labour to read. I think you do a good job of finding the right balance for the most part.

As regards getting rid of the first part - well, if I'm not mistaken (and I probably am) that prostitute, the whorehouse and the pimp are all in some way going to affect the outcome of the story so its probably a good idea to keep the first part but cut it down to size, like, all the way. The first half of it is setting up introducing the prostitute so you should start right bang from there.

Hope this helped,
Cheers

It helped loads, as always. Thanks! =)

Although, now I'm confused about the was/were thing too. =(