he loves her-she doesnt love him - the usual

please comment! and if you don't like it, tell me, but please don't hurt my feelings it takes me ages to get over that kinda thing...





its not enough for you



boys come and boys go
but you are always there for me
I love you as a friend
I wish that you could see

but when I look at you I'm so shy
cant formulate a word
so we never really speak eye to eye
because I don't want you hurt

you give me a rose,
say you love me
and I don't know what to say
you ask if we can meet somewhere
can get together some day

and I love you
in my heart I know I do
but its definitely not in the same way as you
love me too

so I say lets stay friends
and you say that that's OK
but I know
and so do you


Its not enough for you

Okay. I will try not to be too picky, as I usually am. You didn't use complete sentences and most everything written were fragments. It was hard for me to find the pattern of the poem. I liked the topic, but the grammer was not correct. Don't forget to capatalize letters and such. I hope my review helps. Thanks.

I really liked it, I could get the feeling you were trying to pull across. And the short sentences (I think anyway) were done very well.

Awe, it's cute. You did really good on this subject. It's one that anybody can relate to in one way or another. You might want to add some punctuation in there though.

sheepy.shoo wrote:
Its not enough for you.



Boys come, and boys go,
But you are always there for me.
I love you as a friend,
I wish that you could see,

But when I look at you, I'm so shy
I can't formulate a word.
So we never really speak eye to eye
Because I don't want you hurt.

You give me a rose,
Say you love me;
And I don't know what to say.
You ask if we can meet somewhere
Can get together some day.

And I love you,
In my heart I know I do,
But its definitely not in the same way as you
Love me too.

So I say lets stay friends,
And you say that that's OK.
But I know,
And so do you,


Its not enough for you.

Over all It's a very good poem and you have potential to become a great poet. Keep writing!

sheepy.shoo wrote:

its not enough for you Capital 'I', dear.



boys come and boys go Why you no capitalise?? You don't have to, but I think it would suit this poem more.
but you are always there for me
I love you as a friend
I wish that you could see ...what? What do you wish he could see? Elaboration be needed.

but when I look at you I'm so shy
cant formulate a word you either 'can't' or 'cannot.
so we never really speak eye to eye
because I don't want you hurt It probably would hurt you more, though.

you give me a rose,
say you love me
and I don't know what to say
you ask if we can meet somewhere
can get together some day

and I love you
in my heart I know I do
but its definitely not in the same way as you
love me too Very, very sudden end of love here. We needs a build up, man.

so I say lets stay friends
and you say that that's OK
but I know
and so do you


Its not enough for you

It's a good poem. It makes sense and its got rhyme and your rhyme doesn't seem forced, which is something that I can't do very well and loads of people struggly with, so hats off old chap. We get the story and we like the poem.

BUT its just that seeing as you CAN write poems, why not pick a different topic? The whole "I-love-you-as-a-friend-but-nothing-more" thing is a Disney Channel storyline. Lets utulise your awesomness more, make more interesting stuff, wow people more.

Because it's not as if you can't.