The Grim Life

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The Grim Life

It was a dark and stormy night and I loathed it. It made my descent onto earth all the more dramatic. As I glided down the dark alleyway, the rain licked my midnight black cloak, while the wind whirled through my bare rib cage. Oh how I hated that hollow feeling! I shrouded my hood over my skull. Those gooey, icky drops of rain sliding down my pale, white bones reminded me of blood drooping out of flesh. I remembered when I was a fleshy. I remembered every little detail of it. That was the life I longed for—not this cursed existence. The wind quickly blew these thoughts out of the hollow of my skull, while bringing in new, repulsive ones. I thought of the downright dirty job that awaited me and groaned. I hated fleshies that hated their jobs. Boo-hoo! I would not mind going to a redundant job day after day. Fleshies had nothing on me. After all, I believe I was going through more than a mid-life crisis.
As I neared the end of my destination, I slowed my pace and halted before the apartment entrance. Reluctantly hovering before the battered door, I heard snatches of a redundant soap opera seeping into the alley. Oh how I wished to live a redundant life! Sighing, I prepared to do my job. I was bound by contract after all. There would be no messing with the “Big Guy”. With one thump of my glossy, black scythe, the weak door creaked itself open as I dragged my unwilling skeleton across the threshold. My unfortunate “fleshy sense” automatically led me into a dingy, disheveled living room lit only by the blue glow of a tiny television set.
I crept up behind an old, mended couch and leaned over it. The old couple seated in it looked more than calm and serene in their sleep. I had no right to deprave them of sleep. I had spent enough sleepless nights on everyone’s behalf. An eternity of sleep depravation stared me in the face with unsympathetic, burning eyes. Suddenly, notes of horror music bounced around the hollow of my skull. It was times like this my boss really irked me. I bet he thought I would find the unexpected music he zapped into my skull funny. He was above and beyond wrong. Amongst all my bones, I was dead sure I had no funny one. I drowned out the unwanted music with the rhythmic breathing of the fleshies before me. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. The job could be prolonged no further.
I cracked my knuckles and watched pieces of cartilage get lost amongst the strewn junk on the carpet. Lifting my scythe, the blade caught the blue light at just the wrong angle at just the wrong time. My victim’s wife’s eyes suddenly flew open. The poor, old woman froze in horror before the “soul-snatching” demon poised to kill her husband. Judging from her grimace, I could tell every fiber of her being hated me for existing—for being real. I did not blame her—I hated myself. I was death. I was destruction. I was a bad omen. I was the Grim Reaper. Two lives would have to be taken tonight. There could be no “tell-tale” hearts left behind.
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Love this... It has no flaws... I love the way you describe the life of the grim reaper.

I bet he thought I would find the unexpected music he zapped into my skull funny. He was above and beyond wrong. Amongst all my bones, I was dead sure I had no funny one. I drowned out the unwanted music with the rhythmic breathing of the fleshies before me. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. The job could be prolonged no further.

I cracked my knuckles and watched pieces of cartilage get lost amongst the strewn junk on the carpet.


This is my favourite bit in the whole pice. Please tell me that you will continue writing

(BTW i love heavy metal to, i know this has nothing to do with the reveiw but still)

Keep writing (please)
Speling mestackes ink.

Flowing scribble

Guns don't kill people, people kill people... And monkeys do (if they have a gun)- Eddie Izzard




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Very nice! Your portrayal of the grim reaper was great! I'm a bit curious about his boss, but assume that will be cleared up more as this goes on. Keep writing this!
Ready and willing to rip your work to shreds! (That is if you want it) Check out my "will review for food" thread.

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Come on I cant wait to read more its torture
Speling mestackes ink.

Flowing scribble

Guns don't kill people, people kill people... And monkeys do (if they have a gun)- Eddie Izzard




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the rain licked my midnight black cloak, while the wind whirled through my bare rib cage.


Take out the comma after black cloak.

I believe I was going through more than a mid-life crisis.


I think you could take out "I believe" here. Would sound better.

Oh how I wished to live a redundant life!


You've used the word redundant a lot of times. Repition can get annoying. Try a synonym.

the weak door creaked itself open


Take out "itself".

LOVE! I don't know why, but I've always liked the Grim Reaper. He's cool. I don't really like doomy-gloomy stories, though, so I think it would be cool if you made him have a sense of humor or something. Maybe put in some funny scenarios. It's your choice, though. I would definitley read a second chapter. PM when you post it up!

Ciao baby,

Dreamworx95,

XOXO




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Wow, thanks for all the great reviews guys. I had originally just written this as a short story for my English class, but based on all the awesome feedback I'm getting, I'll definitely expand this into something more. I didn't think people would find the Grim Reaper as interesting as I find him. I was wrong lol. Prepare to read more of The Grim Life Series.=) Thanks again!
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Wow, this is an amazing piece! You have a great idea, and you should defiantly continue with it! The writing has hardly any mistakes, and the only ones that I have found are tiny!

In this sentence, I believe that it may sound a bit better (at least to me) if you added an "I" before the word "groaned". I know it makes perfect sense the way it is, but I think it could flow a bit better. If you don't like the sound of it with two "I"s, maybe you could put something else in or change the sentence around to fix it.

gryffgotgame wrote: I thought of the downright dirty job that awaited me and groaned.


A few more things: you use the word "redundant" a lot, try using something else once in a while.

Apart from those, however, I think it is a fabulous story and you should keep writing it! I can't wait to read more!



If a story is in you, it has to come out.
— William Faulkner